Hey there I like it... specially the lines "(Ignorant to the harsh palm of truth,
Naieve to all this fanciful world,
Ingesting the lies humanity gave me to swollow) "

I'm not so sure about the line "In this vast sepulchre of rebuked admonishment " ... I think the fact that there are too many large words kinda stops the flow a bit because it gives the reader too much to chew in one line.

I'd love to see more of ur writing, it's nice to know there's someone else out there to talk to about this stuff

talk soon