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    Thread: Goodbye Mare

    1. #1
      bleak... nerve's Avatar
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      Goodbye Mare

      The storm rages on, casting shards of light to the ground.

      I am alone...completely in this world, for it is not my will for people to exist at this time.

      I am alone...my children have left me, they've left me...

      They will never return, this place will never be the same...true?

      Once a mansion that held a gothic romance, now a dilapidated nothing...

      I'll burn it to the ground, my hatred for this place...profound.

      ------------------

      omg I actually finished a poem. but it doesn't feel finished, so I'm going to add some to the middle I think...corrective critisism VERY welcome.


      Ignorant bliss is an oxymoron; but so is miserable truth.

    2. #2
      Member Jojodi's Avatar
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      This reminds me of a song by ColdPlay: "A rush of blood to the head"... Really good song, you should hear it. It might help u "finish" it.

    3. #3
      bleak... nerve's Avatar
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      I know the song. I have the CD. they are...TOTALLY different situations. I guess you'd have to know my character and...


      Ignorant bliss is an oxymoron; but so is miserable truth.

    4. #4
      bleak... nerve's Avatar
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      sorry about that. I'm just really sensitive about...that...thanks for the comment.

      no one else has anything to say? this is only the second or third poem I've EVER finished! writing is hard for me, I'm more of a...drawing type person. corrective critisism is very very very welcome!


      Ignorant bliss is an oxymoron; but so is miserable truth.

    5. #5
      What a delicious beating! Lomebririon's Avatar
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      That is VERY cool. It's so full of lament and emotion . It's really good.

      Neat that you finished it, kudos to you.

      I'd give you some corrective criticism on it, but a poem is not like a drawing, you can't say 'this' or 'that' is wrong with it, it comes from the heart, and as so, is perfect. Only you can tell what you think is wrong with it.
      The best times of your life should not be when you're still so young, or else you'll live a life always dreaming of the past.


    6. #6
      Member A Lost Soul's Avatar
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      Damn...
      Just... damn. I like it. A lot.

      “Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.”
      - Kurt Cobain (1967 – 1994)

    7. #7
      bleak... nerve's Avatar
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      I think the first line is corny.

      heh, I did a drawing to go with it, I'll post that as soon as I can.


      Ignorant bliss is an oxymoron; but so is miserable truth.

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