Love Like Death & Alone Again

[Dallian]

I enjoy writing poetry (I think right now I've written over 230) and since it's night, I decided to submit a couple darker ones. Love Like Death A blood spot, A hurt, Love, Dying in the rain; This one feels The lightning strike- Can you make this end? A deathbed, A tryst, Love, Find me there again; Can you feel My pounding heart- Never let this end. © Tiphanie Neely 2007 Alone Again Alone again, With my castles in the sand; Broken dreams Cry out – hold my hand, You cannot learn to love me If all you want is pain. Why do you try to kill me When my life is just the same? Alone again, Dying sleep Haunting visions; Tell me – why do I weep? You cannot learn to love me If all you want is death. Why do you want to make me see If this is my last breath? Alone again; With nothing left. © Tiphanie Neely 2007

[Artelis]

I read "love like death" and couldn't bring myself to read the second. Cliche line, cliche line, cliche line, cliche line, cliche line. Have you ever heard of imagery? You need to be able to show, along with your tell. You need some substance with your angst. You're no Plath.

[Dallian]

You're right, I think I'm going to be working on that.

[Neruo]

Yeah I am glad artrelis already said something, so I am not the first one to be an asshole, because to be honest I think it is stereotypical emo-poetry.

[Artelis]

Plath has such a bad rap, too. She's considered the 'angst' poet, but she does such a great job of doing it. She actually has very beautiful poetry. Bee Keepers Daughter is phenominal. When she talks about "a garden of mouthings," it is completely sensual and perfectly written. Her imagery is very captivating. My point: It is possible to write good 'angst' poetry, but extremely difficult. It took Plath until the last five years of her life to master it.

[Dallian]

Thanks for the criticism. It always helps me to see how horrible I am to other people. Sylvia Plath writes beautifully! I have never heard her before now, so thanks for that too.

[Artelis]

If you want to see some amazing imagery without all the angst, check out Elizabeth Bishop. She is my favorite poet. If you can get your hands on "The Moose," you'll fall in love with it.