To my skin; we crawl in formation. Afraid to stand and be judged, then shunned lower.
The essence of man is nothing but circumstance; a butterfly effect, from a whisper to eternity.
I stop in formation
looking to my right, I see endless rows of feet marching without unison. I see blank faces, hints of desperation and still...none dare break ranks.
Many colours stretch through this vast crowd. Some are shunned by those in ignorance and fear.
I look upon those that dare stand to push another down.
Their skin is cast in shadows as light just skims the floor, and there is no observation through the darkness.
This mass approaches a peak, and I turn back to look upon an endless sea of motion.
No line can be drawn from this distance, as to where one starts and another ends.
This enormous sheet of flesh ripples as if ready to break at any moment; I am in awe of the sight.
Suddenly...I realize I am standing; those around me look in horror and disgust. I watch them and feel tears as I am overcome by those scratching at my legs...my friends, my family.
Physical pain escapes me, as despair grasps tight that I can't breathe...I shed a tear over my blood and become numb...falling to nothingness.
I awake to a drone.
The teacher pounds down each step toward me, but I am still reeling from the dream and feeling ill from the clarity.
"Jake..."
I barely hear his voice as I look up at the chalk board.
Health. I've disliked this class since I saw who was teaching it.
"Yes", I say, with sadness at his ignorance whilst delirious from dream.
"You've been sleeping in my class for almost an hour now. Show me how much you've completed".
I budge from my emotion, noticing I have no clue what he's talking about.
Opening my book and skimming to a random page, I realize what I've done as I turn the next sheet of my sketch book.
This is to be another pointless detention...
"Detention", he judges,
"and seeing as you're not interested in finishing the lesson, you can go see the deputy...immediately".
I sigh as I pick up my things and head to the office, emotions reeling.
This school is a complete waste of my time...life winds on, I think to myself.
I approach the side door to the office and I see the deputy walking away from the front entrance, towards the carpark.
Waiting game...I think to myself as I enter knowing what the secretary will say.
"You again...well she isn't in right now, so you can wait in her office", she says with exaggerated pity in her voice.
I trudge by without saying a word, and enter through the smoked glass door.
I sit in the closest chair as I look around at the familiar decor.
Slinking down, I remember my dream. It comes easily and I feel a wave of sadness wash over me, as I stop caring about it all...
These people with their false faces and futile lives. Everything is meaningless...why am I alone in seeing this obvious truth. The constant change, so clear to me. Sometimes this desperation sweeps through me. I know reality, but I'm forced to be here by this skin.
I look down at my wrists, imagining morbidly that they hang limp with spilt blood.
I welcome the imaginary pain and the promise of release from flesh...
They don't know how I feel...
To be honest...I don't care for their egos - their minds, though this sorrow won't fail to fill me.
They...will never be. They have never been.
I will only be, and know no other...eternity alone...nothingness without end.
Again the futility sends a wave of anguish upon me...
Looking at the smoked glass, I know no-one will see me.
I look to the roof and time seems to halt.
To myself...I am here...I am now.
As i search for that place between my eyes, a gleam catches my attention.
Release feels nearer...
Reality, so close.
A spontaneous decision...my final. This life irrelevant - but the last moments.
I grasp the cool plastic handles of her sharp scissors visualising the plunge before finally taking it...
So suddenly comes the flux...and with it comes I...
To my skin, I am no longer.
To my skin, I am alien.
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