New book..help.

[EchoSun13]

I looked down at my hands and saw that they were huge, and covered with unfarmiliar brown fur.I realized I was in a different body, a werewolf body. I started running away from something unknown, I ran into an empty feild when I felt a change. I fell to the ground and heard a rip through my body, It was a loud piercing howl that eched through the field. When I could stand again I was in a more farmiliar body, my cold hard marble body that I loved. I started running again, much faster then I was before, when I entered the forest at the egde of the field I smelt a smell that made my mouth water, a stranged tasting liquid filled my mouth.It was the venom that exits my teeth when I smell it. I ran faster following the smell. It was strong and I could tell it was fresh, and close. After I stepped out of the forest it didn't take any time for my eyes to find the where the smell was coming from. I walked over to it quitely. As soon as I was a step or two behind I made out the shape to be a young 16 maybe 17 year old boy lying on his side with three tears down his side and blood rushed out of the wounds quickly. I could tell he was still alive breathing, and I could hear his heart beat pumping slowly. I decided that they best way to do this was slowly, and not mess up. I bent down and reached to pick his almost lifeless body up, the smell of his blood made the strange tasting liquid return and my senses went crazy.I craved to taste but I remembered why I has here. When I looked at him in my arms I realiezed my hands were covered in dried blood. I stopped and remembered what happened minutes before. Did I do this? **This was not a dream....! I am starting a new book, And this is the begining. If you have any comments, Negitive and/or positive please feel free. Thanks.

[Man of Steel]

Echo, please don't take this the wrong way, I hesitate to even say anything, but... It needs a LOT of work. That was just a quick intro, right? It has some good imagery, "cold hard marble body" for instance, but the descriptors need to be expounded upon, certainly. It is also too literal, something I find myself guilty of too often; there is a definite and gaping lack of metaphor. Where are you wanting to go with this tale? What is the main character's motivation? His/her personality? How did they become a werewolf? Why? When? What are your character's views on things? Just who IS this character? What is the setting? Is the setting contemporary, medieval, future, when? What is the world like? Are there any pertinent changes to the world as we know it? Are the laws of physics the same or somehow changed? I don't mean to overwhelm you, but these are just a few things you should think about if writing a book. Yoiu need to have certain things in mind, you need to know not only what is happening and how, but why. Feel free to PM me if you need any help, I'm always around.

[EchoSun13]

Mos it is okay to tell me what you think..I will not take it harsh. The plot is pretty much A vampire,she is alone. She has always been, and then somehting happens, she changes into an unfarmilair thing, the werewolf. The conflict is mainly the werewolf hurts a young boy and she is trying to find how she changed and yes also falling in love. But the main point of the post is I really need help with more.

[Mes Tarrant]

Oooh a famous vampire novelist on the rise, I'm so excited! I really like MoS's suggestions and am basically seconding them. Your style of writing itself needs some work in terms of more fluid sentence structures. I once had an idea to write a novel and picked up basically a step-by-step book! It was really nice - it showed the difference between types of sentences, of how to write more concisely. It will help to always keep in mind that your readers don't know what's in your mind - they only know the information you have provided. So, something that makes sense in your head won't necessarily make sense to anyone reading it. This is why it's important to write carefully, making sure your meaning rings clear. I think this needs a lot of work if it's going to be a prologue. But I see potential! Have you heard of the site fanfiction.net? It's a place where people write little stories based on their favorite books or movies or what have you, and it's a wonderful place to practice your writing abilities.

[Man of Steel]

Well hey, if you want help, we can do that. Like Mes said, your sentence structure needs work, big time. I'm not great at all the technical grammar jargon, but basically use some longer sentences, complete thoughts. The syntax is off, and unless this is intentional (which I have done in the past with some success) it needs to be fixed. The impression I get from this prologue, if you will, is one of incomplete thoughts, somewhat brokenly forced together. They don't flow as they should, the descriptions aren't clear, you're only depicting the very basics of what is occurring. Extrapolation is a must. As Mes said, we can't tell what you're thinking, you have to tell us through your writing. Read THIS and see if it gives you any ideas as far as description goes. It's not my best work, by far, but it fits what you want to do here fairly well I think, especially in the area of description. I think you want to go for a slightly more emotional depiction, correct? I can see that you can do this, you only need to hone the ability you have. The basic plot idea sounds great, something new. However to make it into a book, you're going to need many smaller plot areas and devices to carry it all along. You have a basic conflict for the main character, in the form of the warring animalistic urges inside and the boy she has attacked (and is falling in love with?) on the outside. This is good. You'll need more though. Background on the characters: how did she come to be alone? Was it before or after she became a vampire? What happened to her family; was it some tragedy that befell them or did she never even know them? Where does she live? Under what conditions? How does she make money to live on? Legally or illegally? What of the boy? Does he have family? And so on and so on. Also events to take place in the course of the story: what problems will the characters run into? How will they solve them? Is there an antagonist? More than one? Is the antagonist literal or metaphorical? How will they be defeated? Will they, in fact, be defeated? Tension will be created by the fact she is both a vampire and a werewolf and he is (as far as we know) neither. This is good, it gives you something to base terse dialog on and expound on characters' motivations, etc.. What else will crop up? Take a look at THIS site for some good info on world-building and plot structure and the like, along with tons of other helpful stuff, like dialog workshops and more.

[EchoSun13]

Oooh a famous vampire novelist on the rise, I'm so excited! I really like MoS's suggestions and am basically seconding them. Your style of writing itself needs some work in terms of more fluid sentence structures. I once had an idea to write a novel and picked up basically a step-by-step book! It was really nice - it showed the difference between types of sentences, of how to write more concisely. It will help to always keep in mind that your readers don't know what's in your mind - they only know the information you have provided. So, something that makes sense in your head won't necessarily make sense to anyone reading it. This is why it's important to write carefully, making sure your meaning rings clear. I think this needs a lot of work if it's going to be a prologue. But I see potential! Have you heard of the site fanfiction.net? It's a place where people write little stories based on their favorite books or movies or what have you, and it's a wonderful place to practice your writing abilities. Thank you very much...

[Reality_is_a_Dream]

Go Echo You can do it!!!!!

[EchoSun13]

MoS ah amazing truely envy this creativity you have. Teach me!

[AmazeO XD]

MoS is an excellent writer, so be sure to follow his advice. But just building upon what they've already said, you need to watch the flow of your sentences, really draw them out. When a reader is reading a book, the idea is to give them alot of imagery to immerse them into the world. I sometimes forget to do that enough, but always be sure to do it a little bit. Inject feeling into the sentences, and not just things like, "Did I do this?" "I can sense the fear." Or whatever. Play with words, use metaphors, similies, personification, it's all really elementary stuff that works out quite well. A sentence that struck me rather oddly was this one.. As soon as I was a step or two behind I made out the shape to be a young 16 maybe 17 year old boy lying on his side with three tears down his side and blood rushed out of the wounds quickly. It was, for lack of better terms, hard on the eyes. I believe you have lack of proper grammar, run ons, and lack of proper puncuation in this sentence. So, besides just.. making your text jump a little more, you need to make sure you can properly put the sentence together and make it readable first. I know that sounds kind of.. well... mean. But that's not how I want it to come off as. Like they've said, it has potential, it just needs to be worked at. Here's an example at how to re-work that section. It's not completely correct, and you shouldn't use this, as I have injected my own creativity and writing style into it, but use it as a template. I encourage MoS to the do the same. The stench was overpowering. It filled my nostrils to the brim, and there was barely any room left for oxygen. Once I had advanced closer to the source, I saw a figure on the ground, bathed in the moonlight. It was a young boy, no older than 17 years old, sprawled on his side. He seemed at a rather peaceful rest, but his body still expanded with the patterns of breathing. Upon closer examination, there were three long gashes down his body. Blood trickled down his skin, pooling under his body. The blood flowed freely, a river of crimson. I was proud of the bold stuff myself. xD Good luck!

[EchoSun13]

AmazeO once again an other amazing writer here, and don't worry about the hash level of the comments. I am strong. Ok so better grammer, and longer sentences that don't run on...Anything else? I really need help with this, writting is my dream.

[EchoSun13]

I am writing it all again...Post soon.