My Poetry

**Lewcidius** · 08-08-2008 10:23 AM

A moose is not a moose,

Without a noose,

Unless he is a goose,

Drinkin that juice,

Like Dr. Seuss.

What is the use

of praying to Zeus?

You must deduce,

That my name is Bruce,

But thats no excuse,

for alcohol abuse.

Not bad eh? I'll keep working on my writing skills and post some more in the next few days. Thanks for reading!

**Lewcidius** · 08-08-2008 10:29 AM

What is a cat,

without his hat?

He is but a rat,

covered in scat.

Give him a pat,

and a fruit bat,

a wrestling mat.

A cat is nothing to scoff at,

When he falls flat,

and eated a gnat.

**Lewcidius** · 08-08-2008 10:33 AM

I once saw a cow,

Who followed the Tao,

He pulled the plow,

With sweat on his brow,

And let out a 'meow'.

Up until now,

They all ask how,

he gave birth to a sow.

Here and now,

He will take a bow,

and make a vow,

that he's greater than thou.

Let me know what you guys think please! Any criticism is welcome and appreciated!

**wa'el** · 08-08-2008 03:36 PM

no good ...

**Lewcidius** · 08-09-2008 02:44 AM

care to elaborate... i want some constructive criticism not mindless insults

**CoLd BlooDed** · 08-09-2008 03:44 PM

This isn't actually serious poetry, is it?

Your rhyme scheme is the same for all three, so is the length (basically), and there's no deeper meaning or anything I can find besides blatant - and pointless - rambling. No poetic devices, no iambic pentameter, etc.

Any specific questions and I'll be happy to help you out.

**wa'el** · 08-09-2008 06:41 PM

Originally Posted by Lewcidius

care to elaborate... i want some constructive criticism not mindless insults

there's no need to elaborate ... its just no good ...

**Lewcidius** · 08-09-2008 09:38 PM

alright thanks for the criticism cold blooded, ill keep workin on my writing skills and post some more in the future.

**CoLd BlooDed** · 08-10-2008 12:28 AM

It's not necessarily your writing skills, as your grammar, punctuation, spelling, and so forth seem to be in order, it's your grasp of good, original poetry.

What do you think poetry is?*

*Serious question.

**Lewcidius** · 08-10-2008 03:28 AM

I thought I was just supposed to write a bunch of stuff that rhymed =/ ugh sorry i will try to research more about how to write poems in the meantime, thanks for your help.

**CoLd BlooDed** · 08-10-2008 03:51 AM

Good on ya.

**Lewcidius** · 08-12-2008 07:53 AM

hey guys ive been working on this new poem, hope u like it.... give me some pointers/constructive criticism please. Well, here it is.

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow--
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand--
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep--while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

**Barns** · 08-12-2008 02:05 PM

That last poem is most definitely better than the others, but it still seems to be dominated by the rhymes.

Having a looser rhyming scheme would allow you to be more creative.
Something like this maybe:

ABCB Format
Line one - no rhymn
Line two - rhymns with line 4
Line three - no rhymn
Line four - rhymns with line 2

Or you could try going without rhymn at all.

**Misbijoux** · 08-13-2008 03:50 PM

Originally Posted by Lewcidius

hey guys ive been working on this new poem, hope u like it.... give me some pointers/constructive criticism please. Well, here it is.

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow--
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand--
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep--while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

Edgar Allen Poe is probably rolling over in his grave.

I know my poetry. A Dream Within a Dream by Edgar Allen Poe...

**Barns** · 08-13-2008 07:36 PM

...

**marlie** · 08-13-2008 08:53 PM

Diary of an insomniac.. by marlie

More pointless hours of lying in bed.
More pointless thoughts running through my head.
Frustration overwhelms me as I toss and i turn.
Why dont i give up? i guess i never learn.

When will i realise its never going to be?
When will i realise that this is just me?
When will i realise i just need to learn to cope?
I wonder if i will ever really give up hope.

For a ray of saviour, a help book or a pill.
But then i realise that im not really ill.
Nothing can help it the problem is me,
Im the only one who can set me free.

The torture apon me is all in my head.
Why only apparent when I am in bed?
I search deep inside for a reason or meaning,
I pray with all my soul to be asleep and now dreaming.

I give up, rub my eyes and crawl out of my bed.
Then go for a walk to try and clear my head.
Its not going to happen i realise on my way.
So as usual i go home and start my busy day.

Maybe tomorrow please god maybe tomorrow

**Xox** · 08-13-2008 11:49 PM

Originally Posted by Misbijoux

Edgar Allen Poe is probably rolling over in his grave.

I know my poetry. A Dream Within a Dream by Edgar Allen Poe...

Indeed, wtf. Why would you copy that. Such a famous poem too.

**wa'el** · 08-13-2008 11:53 PM

lol
you're kidding right ?

**CoLd BlooDed** · 08-14-2008 03:48 AM

What a big dumby.

Yeah, you fuckin dumby.

**Emi Chan** · 08-14-2008 04:07 AM

lol

**Grod** · 08-14-2008 05:52 AM

hahaha

and lol on correcting edgar allen poe

**Lewcidius** · 08-14-2008 06:54 AM

i dont know what you guys are talking about, i wrote that.... its like they say, great minds think alike....

**Xox** · 08-14-2008 06:55 AM

You're not funny at all deary.

**Lewcidius** · 08-14-2008 06:56 AM

id like to get a second opinion on that

**Lewcidius** · 08-14-2008 06:59 AM

get that ugly guy out of ur sig/avatar plz, its an eye sore

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