Thread: Looking for Critique (Poem)

I felt the sudden inspiration to write a poem yesterday, and here it is:


Drifting

I thought I'd found my paradise, a haven just for me,
But now I'm in the ocean, I've gone back into the sea.
The waves they crash together, pulling me apart,
The warmth I thought that I had had now darkness in my heart.

I once took joy in things I did, for ignorance was bliss,
But now that I'd seen paradise I'd want no more of this.
It was so close but now it's far, I've drifted away,
But I'll drift back, I know I will, hopefully someday.

The waves they seem so mellow now, bearable I deem,
Fighting through the currents I find pleasure it would seem.
It doesn't really worry me, finding my way back,
It's surviving it that I dread, it's getting there intact.

They say that I'm so foolish, gambling on a rarity,
But why not look for paradise and feel with much more clarity.
I know they're right however, deep inside of me,
Deep inside I am content, drifting in the sea.





So yeah, that's it, first poem I've ever written outside of school, I'd love to know what you think.