Thread: Saga of Dreamviews

Originally Posted by no-Name

Take your time, I don't mind waiting for masterpieces.

Not that you could call this pile of rubbish a masterpiece. Just saying.

Don't be so mean.

Originally Posted by no-Name

Take your time, I don't mind waiting for masterpieces.

Not that you could call this pile of rubbish a masterpiece. Just saying.

)':

Originally Posted by Kiza

)':

About your signature... I don't think Niels Bohr ever said that...

No I think he did, actually.

Originally Posted by Kiza

No I think he did, actually.

I seriously doubt that. Citation?

EDIT: Bohr died in 62. The word "Internet" was not coined until 82.

You think far too literally. Think more laterally.

Like "Niels Bohr is a time travelling wizardmaster" kind of lateral thinking.

Precisely.

Like Dr. Who?

Niels Bohr was the First Forty-Third Doctor. This is complicated in that there were actually seventeen Forty-Third Doctors, due to some incongruities in the timeline involving a black hole just the other side of Vetel IV. You'll just have to take my word for it.

You just noticed my post now?

No, I just replied to it then. I am a busy man.

Doing what? Ignoring the links I send you?

bump bump bump bump bump bump


There are not thing here!
Make be cake are not it lie?
Was need cake. Are it?

PS. No new chapters! Woe is me!

Let me tell you a story of a terrible, terrible man. Let's call him, "Sam". So one day, Sam wrote this thing. Some people liked it, so he wrote more of it. But then, THEN, Sam decided, oh no, things were happening that he couldn't deal with. So he dealt with them the only way he could: ignoring all responsibilities and lowering his average activity per day to the equivalent of that little circle-walk dogs do before they sit down on your carpet covered in the shit of a bovine.

So basically what I'm saying is Sam is a fat jerk and one day he will do things.

Sam sounds like a faggot.

Don't call Sam homeless!

I once knew a guy called Sam!

Not that I have anything against faggots.

Originally Posted by Kiza

Let me tell you a story of a terrible, terrible man. Let's call him, "Sam". So one day, Sam wrote this thing. Some people liked it, so he wrote more of it. But then, THEN, Sam decided, oh no, things were happening that he couldn't deal with. So he dealt with them the only way he could: ignoring all responsibilities and lowering his average activity per day to the equivalent of that little circle-walk dogs do before they sit down on your carpet covered in the shit of a bovine.

So basically what I'm saying is Sam is a fat jerk and one day he will do things.

Such a sad story, now, when are you going to finish the story?

Just messing with you, Kiza.

Sam's friend--we'll call him Westley--is just overcome with real life.

And a third guy, we'll call him... Spock, just wants moar despite the business of Westley or the laziness of Sam.

(BTW, Westley was a jerk.) http://xkcd.com/549/

PLEASE!

Peas finish the stor~y!

;___;

Originally Posted by spockman

And a third guy, we'll call him... Spock, just wants moar despite the business of Westley or the laziness of Sam.

(BTW, Westley was a jerk.) http://xkcd.com/549/

Much as I love that comic, Westley was just fashionably late.

Rain flooded the storm drains on this dark night. The moon above was completely hidden by massive dark clouds. This was the worst storm no-Name had seen in years. He kept on questioning what had convinced him to go out on a night like this. He stood in a doorway, to stay protected from the rain. A hobo was sleeping by his feet. Occasionally muttering things about whiskey and guns. He looked back and forth down the street. Soon he saw a dark figure approaching.

The figure stopped when it saw no-Name. It wiped the hair out of its eyes, then leaned in to get a better look at the doorway. The streetlight cast light on the figure's face. A pretty mouth appeared, and showed a slight smirk. This smirk made it even prettier.

no-Name swooned slightly, but maintained composure. He walked out into the rain. no-Name knew who the figure was. Delphinus let down his hood. Casting light on several pretty features. The two hurried down the street then turned into an alley. The two jumped into an ominous looking black Sedan.

Delphinus drove quickly and recklessly. He would commonly let go of the steering wheel to make hand gestures. He insisted that these "helped tell the story." They arrived at Delphinus's apartment quite swiftly.

no-Name entered the small living room cautiously, jumping at the sight most shadows. Delphinus turned on the lights and offered no-Name something to drink. And by something, he meant tea. no-Name declined the offer and sat down. Delphinus started the conversation, "So, no-Name, tell me exactly what happened."

"Please, call me Juan." said no-Name, "This is what happened:

"Onahappynote - Ona as most people call her - and I were out having dinner. We at at Elis' D-lights. Down on 18th. We decided to take a walk when we finished eating. Save money on taxis, you know? We were a quarter mile away from my apartment, when..." no-Name choked up...

Delphinus offered a comforting pat on the back. "Please, Juan, if we want to take care of this, you'll have to tell me everything."

no-Name continued slowly, "We heard a noise. Coming from the alley. I couldn't understand it... I'm still not sure, but I think it said 'gaiafag'."

Delphinus turned white. "Go on..." he said, even though he had heard everything he needed to hear.

no-Name breathed in deep. He continued, "Ona was scared, so she grabbed my arm, moved closer to me. In a second, she flew down the alley, screaming. I chased after her. But whatever had grabbed her was moving so fast. There must have been two of them. I felt pain erupt from the back of my head... I woke up the next morning in the alleyway, next to a toaster."

Delphinus stood up abruptly, smirked slightly, and walked over to a wardrobe. He swung the doors open dramatically. Then he stepped aside to let no-Name see what was inside of it.

The fine mahogany structure contained several large coats. A few crossbows were hung vertically, and at the bottom several boxes of crossbow bolts had been stacked.

no-Name was simply stunned. He stared blankly with his mouth slung open. Delphinus took one of the trenchcoats, held it up in front of him, examined it, shook it free of moths, and then threw it at no-Name. "That should fit quite nicely," he said. no-Name really had no time to react. Soon, a crossbow and a box of bolts flew at him.

no-Name shook his head, then switched focus between the coat and Delphinus. Delphinus had now put on one of the trench coats. It was long enough to touch the floor. The sleeves hung down, covering Delphinus's hands by a few good inches. Delphinus rolled back the sleeve on the right arm so that it merely covered his knuckles. He picked up one of the crossbows, and filled a quiver with bolts. He slung the quiver over his shoulder, then spun around. He looked at no-Name dramatically, and said, "It's troll killin' time."

no-Name burst out in laughter. He could not contain the humor of the situation. A boy in a giant coat believes in trolls, and walks around with a crossbow. The last was actually kind of discomforting.

Delphinus pointed the crossbow at no-Name and said in a southern twang, "You laughin' at me, boy?"

"What is with the accent, Delphinus?" A bolt flew from Delphinus's crossbow and landed squarely in no-Name's shoulder. Delphinus returned to his normal voice to say, "Well, I am from North Carolina. Also, sorry about that, my finger slipped."

no-Name fell to the ground clutching his shoulder. Delphinus gruffly pulled the bolt out of no-Name's shoulder. "Now put on that coat and let's get moving."

no-Name passed out.

~~~

no-Name woke up in the back of Delphinus's Sedan. He looked down at himself, he was now wearing one of the trench coats, and had a crossbow sitting on his lap. He opened the jacket and noticed he was wearing clean clothes. He checked his shoulder and saw that it was now bandaged and was a little less excruciating. "Wait, how did I get into different clothes...?" no-Name looked at the rear-view mirror, and saw a smirk streak across a pretty mouth.

no-Name felt very uneasy. Delphinus was a bad driver, and even worse, he was holding a crossbow. The car came to a screeching halt. Delphinus jumped out of the car, and no-Name followed after wincing several times from the pain. They were outside of Elis' D-lights.

The two walked into the restaurant. no-Name had never seen a restaurant empty so fast. Delphinus was well experienced when it came to walking into public buildings while holding a crossbow, but no-Name was new to the whole thing. They made their way to the kitchen.

Delphinus and no-Name aimed their crossbows at Elis D. - owner and operator of this fine establishment. Elis D. turned around, in his hand was a giant cleaver. Elis seemed startled by the two newcomers and their crossbows. He swung his cleaver at no-Name's face out of surprise. no-Name moved backwards as quick as possible. The cleaver made contact with his chin, splitting in open, which, admittedly is much better than his skull.

Delphinus fired a warning shot. A warning shot that landed comfortably in Elis's shoulder. Elis let out a cry of pain, and threw his cleaver at Delphinus. The cleaver hit the massive folds of excess fabric and fell to the ground harmlessly. Delphinus smirked and hit Elis in the head with the but of his crossbow. Then he ripped the bolt out of Elis's shoulder.

When Elis had awoken, no-Name had covered his new chin wound. Elis was tied up. Delphinus loaded his crossbow. "So, Elis. IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME! What did you have to do with Onahappynote's disappearance!?"

Elis responded, "wh-" A bolt flew directly into his other shoulder. Delphinus let out a 'whoops' and pulled it back out. no-Name looked at Delphinus and said, "You know, pulling the bolt back out doesn't make it hurt less." Delphinus aimed at no-Name, which promptly shut him up.

Elis was in a lot of pain. Delphinus asked again, "Where is Ona?" Elis responded, "I really don't know, you damn fag!" A bolt hit Elis directly between the eyes. Elis screamed and turned to dust. The only thing left was a Guy Fawkes mask with a crossbow bolt wedged in it.

no-Name vomited. "What the hell was that?!"

Delphinus responded, "A damned troll. A troll in disguise."

no-Name was stunned, "Where do we go now?"

Delphinus said, "Well. The only logical place to go, that alleyway."

no-Name asked why they didn't go there first, and Delphinus responded with a crossbow pointed at no-Name's face.

They drove the few blocks, and started walking down the alley. Delphinus sniffed the air, then stabbed a knife into the ground. He laid down and listened. In the distance he heard, "lulululululululululululululululululululul"

He stood up. Shook his head, and continued down the alley. He found a manhole cover and pulled it aside. He nodded to no-Name and jumped down. There was the sound of hot sewage splashing. no-Name climbed down cautiously.

******

no-Name had never smelled anything as horrible as the sewers on this night. The two walked down the sewers toward the continuous hum of 'lululululululululululululululul.' They both knew what it was. The trolls. So many trolls.

The came upon a round door. The sound coming from inside was so intense Delphinus teared up a little. Of course, that could have been the smell of hot sewage.

Delphinus pulled out four cigarettes. Broke off the filters, and gave two to no-Name. no-Name stared at them blankly. Delphinus promptly put the filters in his ears, then put the two unfiltered cigarettes in his mouth. Lit them, and the began coughing uncontrollably. He spit them out into the hot sewage. Which quickly extinguished them. no-Name put the filters in his ears. Delphinus set his crossbow, and kicked the door dramatically. It was steel, so it didn't break like Delphinus had wanted. Had their ears not been plugged, they would have heard that the humming had stopped.

Delphinus opened the door, barged in, and yelled, "HERE COME THE EXTERMINATORS, BITCHES!." He fired his crossbow wildly into the crowd of Guy Fawkes masks. Hitting shoulders, both left and right, left and right.

no-Name came in just after Delphinus and fired better aimed shots. Trolls dropped very quickly. The floor was covered in Guy Fawkes masks. Delphinus looked up and saw a toaster flying at him.

Delphinus went down.

no-Name yelled as he fired bolt after bolt into the mass of trolls.

Many minutes later, all but one of the trolls were dead. One was holding on to Ona. Ona screamed. no-Name felt like being heroic, so he ran toward the troll. He raised his crossbow. The troll screamed a horrible scream.

no-Name pulled the trigger.

A bolt flew through the air.

It landed firmly in the Guy Fawkes mask that the troll was wearing.

The troll shrieked and turned to dust.

Ona ran toward no-Name. But then a crossbow bolt landed squarely in between her eyes. She dropped dead. no-Name stood there. Completely stunned. Ona's body laid on the ground, slowly seeping blood.

He looked around.

Delphinus was standing with his crossbow recently fired. He smiled at no-Name and said, "Don't worry, I stopped that one from getting you."

no-Name burst out into tears.

They emerged from the sewers a little while later. Delphinus turned to no-Name as they got near the Sedan. "Care to join me?" he said with a smile, "I could always use help when it comes to killing trolls."

no-Name responded, "You just fucking killed my Ona."

Delphinus responded only with a smirk on his pretty mouth. What could no-Name say to that? He had nothing left for him here. And he had heard Livejournal was a fun place.

~~~~~~

Fuck yes for fan fiction~