• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views

    Results 1 to 2 of 2

    Thread: Fear

    1. #1
      Credo ut intelligam Achievements:
      Referrer Bronze 5000 Hall Points Veteran First Class
      Noogah's Avatar
      Join Date
      Mar 2009


      I wrote this when I was bored....based on some feelings I experienced a couple weeks ago.

      How this happened I don't remember. How it happened I care not at all. The only thing I can keep my thoughts on are my safety. I must run. Oh the inexplicable terror of being hunted down. The enemy shows no mercy; they have no other thought than destroy, anymore than my thoughts of escape. The hatred of the invisible enemy causes the air to become still, as though a great destruction were to come upon the earth to destroy everything under the fading sun. All the light in my life is devoid. I am sucked into the black hole. The cruel pit that swallows me up that my day become night, and darkness engulfs me. It is so great it is tangible; and yet the terror is no less. It is greater still. There is but a spot of light left to pursue, and I do so. I run at my full pace and yet I feel the breath of the unseen foe on my back. The hatred re verbs in all directions, and with every inhale I choke. With every exhale I feel as though a brick were added to my weight. I cannot go on. My last glimpse of fading daylight vanishes, and with it, all hope of ever returning to the sun. The space begins to swallow me further. But I would rather be crushed in the midst of the terrible darkness then to be devoured by the foe. It is no use. There is nothing left for me to wish for. I stumble forward, and wait! There is a crack. A glimpse of light so faint I scarce believe my human eyes can comprehend it. No, it is an illusion. I am too weary to continue on, but the crack beckons me, as though it were sent from heaven to end my pain and suffering. I cannot continue with my strength, but I cannot let that stop me. The enemy senses the glint of hope in the oily darkness, and his rage turns to unstoppable madness. The ground shakes with his fury, and yet, by willpower alone I press forward. My muscles ache beyond any pain I ever felt before as though they were crying for me to end this madness. As though deteriorating under the massive strain. The enemy has lost any glimpse sanity left in his wretched soul, and it is as though he destroys the very darkness. I grow more anxious, my heart beating so hard it hurts me. An eternity passes, and lo! The crack. I give no thought to safety. I give no thought to the enemy. I stumble into it, and all ceases. I stand in darkness. Is it death? AM I still yet caught up in a pitfall of the inky darkness from before? No. It is a natural darkness. I feel as tho I could embrace it. Nothing has ever comforted me more. I look beyond my shoulder, and there is the sun, just beginning to rise.

      It's only purpose is to try and express the feelings I get when I'm REALLY scared. Does it work?
      John 3:16

      For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

    2. #2
      Member Vampyre's Avatar
      Join Date
      Jul 2004
      Ontario Canada
      Your descriptions are fairly good. Some of your sentences are a bit lengthy or strangely worded though. "The enemy shows no mercy; they have no other thought than destroy, anymore than my thoughts of escape." is an example that could use some re-wording. I understand what it says, but it comes off a bit loose.

      Paragraphs win. A wall of text is less appealing to read. Since it's a descriptive scenario, you can break it at almost any point and start a new, more readable, paragraph.

      Perhaps you could try making it a bit longer to include something happening shortly before you start running. If you need some kind of inspiration, what is it you're doing when you feel this way? What led up to it?


    Posting Permissions

    • You may not post new threads
    • You may not post replies
    • You may not post attachments
    • You may not edit your posts