Recently, I had to drop a community college course I was taking in addition to my high school classes. I was doing well in one of them, and terribly in the other. In the course I was doing badly in, it was simply because I didn't study. I've hardly studied in my entire career as a student so it was a shock to my system. I've learned my lesson, though. If I take college courses again, you can bet I'm going to hunker down and study. But that raises the question: Do I really want to take college courses again? Do I really want to go to University?
Truth is, I've always hated school. From the endless repetition, to the excruciatingly boring subjects, I hate it all. I've always done average or very well to the point that I might actually be my school's valedictorian (there's only 200-300 kids, but still).
I don't want to become yet another wage slave grinding away my life in a cubicle somewhere. I don't care if I make 500k a year, I'm not going to do that. I don't want to sit in a lab performing calculations or working with chemicals all day. What I've longed for is to spend my time pursuing something physical, like a sport, or something artistic, like painting or writing.
I understand the importance of education. What I question is the importance of a degree given my entrepreneurial spirit.
Ever since the beginning of middle school I've been in somewhat of an on-off depression which has barred me from pursuing potential interests. I cannot remember the last time since my childhood that I really, truly, felt joy for an extended length of time. All this time I've been obeying the system and it hasn't brought me an ounce of happiness. I have no reason to believe the college experience is going to make me a happier person. Maybe social atmosphere would be nice, but it would pale in comparison to the actual grind of forced study. I feel that my salvation lies in taking things into my own hands.
However, if my self-motivated study of human psychology has taught me anything, it's that humans cannot know how they will feel about a situation they have not already been in. Trying to figure out what will make you happy in life is akin to looking into a barrel of fish, blindfolding yourself, and then firing a rifle into the barrel where you think the fish would have swam. Even if you have been in a situation you perceive as similar, there could be some detail that makes the entire experience of it different.
I'm thinking the best thing for me to do is to take a year off to explore my interests.
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