Thread: Tell me the stupidest thing you've ever heard

"Ecstasy??!! OMFG they totally put heroin in that!"

ok i know this isn't exactly stupid but it really annoys me:

I'm on MSN and im talking to a friend, they say " how are you?", ill say "ok" or something. The conversation ends sometimes later. 30mins after that i decide to start talking to them again, when the convo stats they ask " how are you?" i say " How i was 30 minutes ago!", i know they are just asking but when it's a tiny time span it annoys me.

Some random ones:

I'm watching Batman begins at the cinema with a friend, every few minutes he asks me " Is he Batman yet" when he obviously isn't, i say " Yes.... look at the suit, it's 100% batman".

At school in year 9( 13-14). We just finish reading our fiction thing for an analysis, a shortened version of Frankenstein. When we finish ugly dumb chavy girl says in like a really dumb shocked voice " Miss, did that really happen?". EVERYBODY laughed at her, even the teacher, i have never seen another adult laugh so hard at a kid, it was hilarious. The teacher basically fell over laughing. Good times...:p

One of my friends comes round my house, we go in and my cat waiting in the hall, she says to me " Is that your cat?", i said " No, that's my dog", hehehe:p

(Don't ask how the topic came up)

Me: Do you feel bad eating crabs?
Woman: No.
Me: Why not?
Woman: Because crabs eat people.

OK, this last one reminded me of some model in my country, that was intreviewd in a talk-show:
Model: I am a vegetarian
Host: So what kinds of food do you eat?
Model: chicken.
Host: How can you eat chicken if your a vegetarian?
Model: Oh, chicken isn't an animal, it's a bird.

Originally Posted by Wildman

(Don't ask how the topic came up)

Me: Do you feel bad eating crabs?
Woman: No.
Me: Why not?
Woman: Because crabs eat people.

"Taste like crab, talk like people. Crab People...Crab People." (sorry just reminded me of a south park episode)

Cats can drive cars.

LOL

"If ghosts hands go through everything, how do they cut holes in the sheets to wear?"

"Ecstasy??!! OMFG they totally put heroin in that!"

They can put heroin in ecstasy as easily as any of the other chemicals.

But still, the context is pretty funny.

"Do Canadians have Christmas too?"

said by my stepmom to my sister who married a Canadian.

Let me see.. what's the last thing I said?

A customer brought back a combo stereo I'd repaired for him. He claimed the CD player (I repaired the output section) didn't work. I knew I had tested it thoroughly and the way he explained it told me he's doing something wrong. I hooked the unit up, put in a CD, pressed play and it started right up. The changer worked and it played just fine.

He gave me this puzzled look and said "What did you do? I swear I couldn't get it to work." "Uh, I put in the disc and pressed play", I replied. He said in amazement: "What? You have to press play?"

(Yes, moron, if you want it to play you have to press play)

wow having a job like that must piss you off sometimes, you just want to grab the CD player and smash it over their head:p

Originally Posted by joey11223

wow having a job like that must piss you off sometimes, you just want to grab the CD player and smash it over their head:p

Haha, dealing with and solving the problems of idiots is how I make my living. Though, in fairness, most customers do have legitimate problems that are in need of repair. What always amazes me is how many people don't know how to work their own equipment that they've owned for years. Truly mind-blowing.

My hubby gets computer questions sometimes about how the person can't get the computer to turn on.
9 times out of 10, they didn't plug it in.

Here's some classics,

"I thought Jesus was English?!"

"Do rocks grow like trees?"

"Love can only be experienced between a man and a woman"

I've heard that too many times to count. o_O

Once, a couple of friends and I were talking about a girl, and my friend said, and I quote, "she's hotter in person than she is in real life".

Also "George Bush planned 9/11"

Originally Posted by Half/Dreaming

Also "George Bush planned 9/11"

That one gets me too. I've heard it too many times.

Oh god, as well as psionics are real.

'if your eyebrows could move they would say a million things' - said by me

and...

'damn it these guns arent working against these zombies....we'll have to fight them off with pillows' - said by a dc in a dream that i will not forget any time soon...

and....

'i believe that human beings and fish can co-exist peacefully'
'when your a single mother with two children which is the toughest job in America as far as im concerned, and your working hard to put food on your family'
'and its time we asked the question...is,are,is our children learning'

-all said by the most comical person alive president bush

Originally Posted by goldney

Oh god, as well as pssionics are real.

Whats pssionics?

"vote or die"

"death to America"

"so does your mom"

"it takes one to know one"

My boss at my previous job at a small startup said this in a company meeting:
"We are going to expand all over the world, and also out of the world"

Psionics is being all phsychic and being able to control stuff with your mind. As far as I'm concerned it's a load of [insert expletive].

Oh, well actually psi is a controversial issue, with tons of extremely serious and intelligent scientists involved in researches related to it. I for one know it's real because I had once an undeniably precognitive dream.