Thread: Tell me about your worst relationship break up!

I need to break up with my girlfriend, but it's for no solid reason other than she's gotten increasingly boring. I started to wonder whether I should lie and make up another problem or just tell her that she's extremely dull to hang out with.

Which sparked the thought, I wonder how she will take it... Has anyone had the pleasure of having to break up with someone, only to find it turn into a serious health risk?

Fortunately for me, or unfortunately for me, which ever way you want to look at it, I have only had to break up with one girl. The rest all finished with me, either leaving me for someone else, or just ending it, for reasons I will never know... The reason I finished with a girl was because she told me she loved me, and I was not at that place with her, and didn't think I could ever love her, so told her a couple of days later that it was for the best.. You have to be honest, but mindful of her feelings.

Originally Posted by TheFinalCut

I need to break up with my girlfriend, but it's for no solid reason other than she's gotten increasingly boring. I started to wonder whether I should lie and make up another problem or just tell her that she's extremely dull to hang out with.

Which sparked the thought, I wonder how she will take it... Has anyone had the pleasure of having to break up with someone, only to find it turn into a serious health risk?

Don't make anything up. Tell her the truth, but reframed slightly. It's not necessarily that she's dull, it's just that you've gotten into a routine, have been sitting in the comfort zone too long, and the spark died. You see, the "initial spark" is usually amplified by novelty and some other factors. To keep the spark going after the novelty wears off, there has to be genuine chemistry, and real feelings towards one another. If you don't have those feelings, or a desire to try and boost those feelings, it's perfectly understandable that it needs to end. There is absolutely no reason to make anything up when breaking up - EVER. And don't be softening the blow with empty "maybe one day, in the future" promises (i.e. lies). Just tell her it's over, tell her why, and be done with it.

Originally Posted by Replicon

Don't make anything up. Tell her the truth, but reframed slightly. It's not necessarily that she's dull, it's just that you've gotten into a routine, have been sitting in the comfort zone too long, and the spark died. You see, the "initial spark" is usually amplified by novelty and some other factors. To keep the spark going after the novelty wears off, there has to be genuine chemistry, and real feelings towards one another. If you don't have those feelings, or a desire to try and boost those feelings, it's perfectly understandable that it needs to end. There is absolutely no reason to make anything up when breaking up - EVER. And don't be softening the blow with empty "maybe one day, in the future" promises (i.e. lies). Just tell her it's over, tell her why, and be done with it.

Yes, agreeing with all of that, but PLEASE make sure not to actually use the word "boring" anywhere. You'll crush her.

This is good - "It's not necessarily that she's dull (DON'T SAY THIS PART OUT LOUD), it's just that you've gotten into a routine, have been sitting in the comfort zone too long, and the spark died."

I've never had a horrible break up with anyone that went severely wrong. First boyfriend was a high school boyfriend and after a while it was kinda like, "ok, that was fine, but lets move on now." So I just said I think we're done but didn't really say why or anything. He cried a little, we stayed friends for a bit. We both moved on.

Second serious relationship, we were living together, then were forced to move back home to our parents (money I think it was?), and then 3 days later he broke up with me. Made some excuse about traveling/moving in a few months, no real explanation, didn't talk anymore after that one conversation. I started feeling better the next day and within two weeks I was pretty much completely over him.

3rd - gave it a shot twice, he was crazy though, had extreme issues, it was so not a grown up relationship, but even while we were in the relationship we both knew it would never work. We were always talking about our problems, so we both knew exactly what was going on. At the end of our second time around I ended up throwing a fan at him. We're best friend now though!

4th was last year, pretty mutual, he wouldn't grow up, I didn't want to put up with it, got in a fight one day and I basically said I don't want to take your immature shit anymore, he said I'm not gonna change, I said fine, we walked away from it. He is my best friend as well now.

So those are my stories.

NOTE - Except for #3, I didn't really give any of the guys big explanations as to why things were ending, and with #2, I didn't really get one. But I believe we all moved on anyway, so maybe that's something to think about when you're breaking up with her. Every person is different though, so maybe she will need an explanation. I don't know.

That was very therapeutic! Everyone should write out a brief summary of their relationship history. Feels good.

You are best friends with two of your exs?? I don't understand how that could work if they were serious, "I'm in love with you," type of relationships.

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

You are best friends with two of your exs?? I don't understand how that could work if they were serious, "I'm in love with you," type of relationships.

The first one was such a mess, I don't know how we even got out of it alive. But there's something between us that's so strong. We just really appreciate each other as human beings. So what if there was a romantic side to it at some point? It's not there now, and what's left is a desire to still be in each others lives. We make each other laugh, because of everything we've been through we can talk about anything, we know each other soooooooo well. Friendships just don't get better than that.

And with the other one, I've been looking back on it thinking that maybe we never should have been in a romantic relationship. Maybe we were always better off as friends. But how do you know something like that when you're in the relationship? I guess it takes time to come to certain realisations.

I mean, things change, the dynamics of a relationship change. A relationship can be one thing at one point in time, and a completely different thing at another point in time. Why else are people friends for years, and then all of a sudden in a romantic relationship? Or married one day, getting a divorce the next? Love grows, love fades, that's just how it is. If neither of these guys was "the one", and we didn't end up killing each other or hating each other, but still recognized that we chose to have the other in our lives for a reason, why not stay friends?

Yeah one of my ex's is my best friend and another i talk to a fair bit still. Ive had one long relationship and the rest have been immature little 1-2 monthers. I have to pick better.

I told this one I'm having problems with about my dreaming, she gave me a weird look. My diagnosis: she gotta go.