Thread: My LD's suck.

I've come to the conclusion that my LD's suck. I've had my fourth now, and all but the first seem to be characterized by a low level of lucidity. I could think rather clearly in my first LD, and I tried and succeeded in flying. I woke up shortly after that, though. I felt really good about that one. But on the next three, something was really holding me back.

My second LD, I made quite a normal mistake. On attaining lucidity, I expected that my dream might end pretty soon, as the first did. The result was me trying to rush things, a 10 second LD, followed by and FA, which I was fooled by. In response to that, I made a list of things to do, of which the very first item was to increase lucidity and clarity.
The third was just plain weird. I realized I was in a dream, but I was somehow unable to change any aspect of the dream, including myself! I had no control over my actions, and I didn't feel I was watching a movie or something, but that I was actually performing them. I did realize I was dreaming, though, and my dream self did things like attempting to fly. There just wasn't any control, not even over my own dream body or even thoughts!
The fourth LD, something like the second happened. I attained lucidity, but I couldn't gather my thoughts and rushed things, without remembering my list. But about five seconds into it, the dream started getting darker and darker, and I realized it was turning into a nightmare. I decided to try and end it, so I tried to make myself wake up by closing my eyes, and then opening them with all my might. I woke up in my bed, then looked at my clock beside my bed. I don't know what the time was, I didn't even think there was a time on it, but I looked away and then looked at it again and things just didn't seem right, so I tried to wake myself up again. Now, I found myself in my bed again, in a slightly different room, did an RC again, and decided it failed, and tried to wake myself again. I think I did this three more times before I thought the RC succeeded, and I proceeded to write my dream in my dream journal. In the middle of the process, I woke up. For real this time.

Why can't I seem to attain enough lucidity to make me remember my list of things to do? Why can't I think clearly enough and rush into a dream? Can anyone help me with this?