Kumara

Wed morning 06/28/2011

120mg lithium
1 Natra sleep
250mg choline

My mother gave Toni and me each windchimes. I held mine up close to my face, saw that it was blue, and it was weird dreamlike all I could see until I moved it away from my face, and then I could see that the top of it was a light blue pac-man ghost with a glass shard hanging from it in the middle of the chimes nearly the same color about the length and breadth of my forearm. I don’t remember what Toni’s was.

There was also something about flying a flag, that I can sort of see in my mind and it wasn’t really a flag...and my mom gave me some clothes that were too big that I thanked her for, and Toni was saying how if they were ...some kind of particular size, (the right size) then I’d be even happier and somehow as she was talking it was like the clothes in my hands were changing to the right size and also changing into capri jeans that I like.

Morning of Sun 06/19/2011

200mcg huperzine-a
4mg nicotine
1mg melatonin

Wake @ 2:30 am
Bed @ 4:00 am (so annoying that it takes me so long to get back to sleep)

Dream 1: I was talking to a baby with a really round head, blonde hair and startling blue eyes. At first I was going to pass it by, but I turned back and asked the baby to tell me something about myself. It said, "You are inquisitive and (something about awareness)."

Dream 2: I was moving into a new apartment, in a special complex. My mother was asking about the phone installation (IWL she use to be a telephone cable repair tech.) and I asked her why she wanted to know, because she's retired. She told me she gets called in for special contracts because she is the only one who can do certain types of work...I didn't want to tell her where my new place is, I didn't want her to mess with my phone and there was something with an image of Taylor in my mind when I was talking to her. I was evasive and annoyed because it felt like she was being smothering or invasive.
(***note - later in the day, I felt emotionally vulnerable. I saw some dragonflies over the fence, and my sister remarked that my grandmother had loved them. I didn't know that, and several thoughts of how dragonflies are a meaningful symbol to me and a particular experience with one just before I left the state all converged and I felt my grandmother's caring, guiding presence and burst into tears...my sister was really surprised by my display of emotion. Also, later, my mother came to me in the kitchen and said, "Thank you for being my daughter." which is really different from her usual "thank you for putting up with me."...and we hugged and kissed and I felt very tender toward her (VERY unusual, my mother and I have never been close)..and I spontaneously said to her, "Thank you for being my mother, nobody else could have done it like you." Which seems related to the "special contract" part of the dream. I'm quite pleased with the integration and processing work that seems to be happening!!***)

Snippet: I remember doing an RC by pinching my nose shut and realizing I could breathe but apparently I either don't remember what happened or the lucidity was very brief.