BeerySwine

Middle of November, 2011

I had been sleeping about 3 hours a night for a few days when a friend had some heroin and I shot up for the first time. I was in a skype call and was sleepy, every so often I'd nod off and sleep for just a few seconds. The one thing I distinctly remember was a gnome that was all green but had a buckle on his hat so I thought he was trying to disguise himself as a leprechaun.

The second time I got high on heroin was a few days later, still hadn't slept much, and late in the evening (or early in the morning, depending on your perspective) I was sitting up on the floor with my legs on either side of my laptop, I started nodding off again, just closing my eyes and I'd be asleep. The more I did it, the more I remembered I was just dreaming, so after a few times I thought to try some lucid dreaming and manipulate things. Also, everytime I move I immediately come back to consciousness.The one thing I could think of that I wanted more than anything else was a person we'll refer to as Doe. So I would stay still, sitting in the middle of the floor, try and keep my eyes on one spot on the wall and let the lids just slowly close on their own without forcing them. These might be called hypnagogic hallucinations, idk. Nod off, Doe is there, has its own personality, talking with me, I breathe in and wake back up. Nod off again, and the room is replaced with a public park area with benches and a crowd of people sitting and standing, I can hear Doe trying to fight thru the people to get to me, still just sitting on the floor. Doe barely nudges thru, then I take in another breath and awake. Try again, this time Doe is right in front of me, my head is looking forward, Doe is standing up, leans over, I raise my head and awake. I realize if I try and move in the dream I move in reality. I try and look up this time before going for it again, it doesn't quite work, I can't fall back asleep looking up. I decide to go to the restroom before trying again, that way I won't have to get back up for awhile. I'm standing there, just holding steady and urinating when I nod off, and Doe is to my left, says, "Finish what you're doing here, then we can get back to it. Safety." Something like that general sentiment, so I heed Doe's words, wake up and start shaking my head to stay awake, finish up, wash hands, back to the floor. Nod off again, try to have Doe sit on my lap, facing me so we can just hug and hold each other. I wake up almost immediately. From this point on I can't do it again, so I just lie down and get some sleep.

December 8, 2011 dream 2

I'm really no too sure how this is going to go, there was so much in this dream, so much detail I can remember about the huge environments I was in that it would be like I'm JRR Tolkien telling you all about the trees in Mirkwood for 7 pages.

First thing's first: I'm Sam Fisher from the Splinter Cell game series. I'm supposed to do 3 or 4 missions or submissions in just under 10 minutes in a large artificial aquatic environment with a rising and lowering water level like in a Mario game or something.

I think I'll finish this one later, getting sleepy and bored, but at least I can come right back to it and edit.

Had this dream around the age of 5 or 6 I'm guessing, no later than seven.

I walk up steps to my family's double wide trailer (we actually lived in a 3 bedroom house. Friggin dreams), open up the screen door only because the main door was swung wide already, and Satan is sitting in the middle of the sofa next to my mom on his right while my father was in his chair. This Satan looked like a red man with horns and long talons on his fingertips, the typical Looney Toons version. Some other people were over for an apparent bible study session that I had just walked into the middle of, my mother the current one with said book in hands. All the other seats are taken, Satan makes a motion to sit next to him, my mom waits for me to sit down. As soon as I take my seat two things happen: 1. my mother continues with whatever passage she was reading before I walked in and 2. Satan began digging his index talon into the middle of my back, twisting it, turning it and making circles. I feel it like a nail, not sharp enough to break skin, just enough to push into the nerves. For an idea of the pain just take your thumb and dig as hard as you can into your back, using the rest of your hand for support, nail first. My immediate reaction is pushing my belly forward, trying to escape whatever was causing the pain. Doesn't work. I squirm, twist, writhe, the pain is there, constant, inescapable. This goes on while everyone else is completely oblivious to the situation, entranced as they were with the story my mom was reading.

S'bout all I can remember.

My dreams will be as detailed as I can remember them but sometimes all I'll remember are just the broad strokes. Also lots of run-on sentences and poor grammar, but decent spelling.

December 8, 2011, dream 1

Spoiler for This is all fairly sexually explicit:

I was having a relationship with transsexual porn star Bailey Jay, she was at the stage before her implants where her breasts started to develop, like maybe she had an AAcup. We would talk some, I wouldn't quite understand her reactions to things I would say, it didn't seem to follow logically. Like I'd be nice and she would react with fear, then I'd have anal sex with her after going down on her. Next time I see her I ask her why she was acting the way she was and she would sort of try and appease me, like act super submissive (not in the sub/dom way) and agree with whatever I said, then as if she was trying to calm me down, even tho I wasn't angry, she'd start in with the making out and more sex would ensue. At a certain point she brought over her 10 to 12 year old sister (does BJ have a sister?) and without a word Sis started undressing semi sexually but also matter of fact like. She then climbed on top of me while I was sitting in a chair and I started feeling my hands all over her and she reacted like she wanted more, my mouth played over her nipples, belly, butt cheeks and vagina (you'll have to forgive me this next indulgence) as I savoured the many tastes and flavors that comprised her (really enjoyed that part of the dream). She turned around on me, legs drooped over mine, and vaginal insertion began the main course. My arms were around her, holding and massaging a shoulder and an inner thigh, pressing our bodies together as I helped her ride up and down, kissing and very gently sucking and biting her shoulder. Not sure where BJ was in all this, but we were thru at some point, no real climax, just a movie type end scene transition I guess. This 3 way relationship continued just a tad until somehow or another, and I really don't remember how I found out, I came to the realization that this whole "relationship" I'd had with BJ and then later on to a slight extent her sister had been non-consensual the whole time. I had created this relationship idea in my head while in the dream's reality I actually kidnapped them both and was raping them while keeping them in a large closet. I think my reaction to this revelation was something like, "Huh, well that's kinda fucked up."