Cairus

I was the ambassador from planet Xander(this is a play off my name, 'Ambiria' is a play off of hers).

Ambi was this short squat angry military commander, and was wearing some crazy Xena armor. Her planet was a powdery purple and the surface looked like the moon, with craters in it. She had a squad of angry feminist generals. You know, the 'men are slaves!' and 'vaginas are magnificent!' cliche. I remember feeling like I was in some pretty hostile territory, and the women were giving me a wrathful eye because of my parts. I was trying to keep the mood light and remember thinking, 'Wow, some verrry hostile vaginas up in here...' Their troops were organized in a standing formation, we had a wide berth, but they were all around us, thousands. The foot soldiers, were men.

They had been abducted to fight for the feminist army, under the command of the beautiful angry women. Ambi told me that her planet 'needed my DNA'. I asked her why she needed my sperm, and she explained to me that 'relinquishing your DNA shall be for the greater good of all Ambiria- with it we can create clones of one suitable man, and we can genetically alter him to be more subservient to us as well, and he will be the best putty from which to create the perfect soldier. We will no longer need to force other planets to... persuade... other planets to surrender their newly mature males to us.'

At this point the foot soldiers all around us, all men, also began giving me the evil eye, angry that I'd been 'chosen' by the commander instead of them. Some of them were jeering about how skinny I was, and what a shitty soldier clones of me would make, and they should beat me up, and things. One of the generals shouted 'SILENCE! Or there shall be PAIN!' And all of the men hushed, but continued to stare me down. I asked her why she couldn't just splice DNA from one of her warrior princess generals. She told me 'No! Our soldiers must be men! Women are fit to rule, men know how to follow orders! No self respecting: Ambirian woman would allow herself to be a foot soldier, it is a waste of her intellect!'

I 'paused' the scene.

I said 'hang on, Ambi, can we talk for real for a second?' 'What's up, Alex?' 'What do you think all of this means? I mean I can try to interpret it later, and see what J thinks, but I wanna know what you think. But not your waking self, because I don't wanna deal with it, and there are things I can't say to her, because it's just bullshit drama, and I hate that.' 'Well, what do you think it means?'

'I dunno. It's very weird. I mean, what's with the angry man-hating women who think men 'should be slaves'? If this is all coming out of my subconscious, doesn't it imply in some way that I think women are evil, or... I don't get it. It seems kind of misogynistic, and I worry about that. I don't want to be one of those asshole fucktard misogynistic guys. Is this what I really think about them?'

'Well obviously Alex, this dream just symbolizes that you're refusing to be my boyfriend because you're afraid of commitment, because you're immature. You're just like every other boy, you want an 'open relationship' to cover up that you're just scared shitless of actually committing to me like you're supposed to!' 'What??' ''poly' my ass! You're monogamous like everyone else, you're just too chicken!'

I stuck my finger in her face and said, 'No, you listen here, you stupid ass- I am NOT letting you put that on me, it's classic. 'I want you to worship only me, so if you don't it's because you're a sissy bitch'?! No. Nuh uh. Fucking no. You are such a manipulative little bitch, and you know what? I can't have this conversation with you in person, because your dream self I can bitchslap into oblivion and not care, but in person? YOURE the one who's too much of a pussy to DEAL with how shit really works!''If I talked to your face how I'm talking now, how I really feel half the time, you'd cry and cry and be so hurt, and I would fucking hate myself and regret it and be fucked up for so long, and the damage wouldn't be WORTH IT. I hate this!'

She continued trying to correct me and explain again, because I 'didn't get her point', which was that I was supposed to be monogamous with her, and 'treat her right'. I really hate that I tried to ask for her opinion on themes and symbolism within the dream, and she just twists it to talk about her personal needs and how I'm not fulfilling them, which is completely irrelevant. I'm being kinda 'deep' and shit and she's all 'wahh!'

We went back and forth like that for a bit, me trying to talk about something 'deep', and her saying something self serving and annoying in response. She kept trying, in vain, to 'connect' what I was saying, to what she was saying. i.e., 'so I think I might be dehydrated because the temperature has been up lately causing...' 'it's because you aren't treating me right!' 'that isn't relevant.' 'yes, it is, let me explain...the temperature correlates to.. how you feel about me, and it's... like, rising, which is causing the air to dry out, so it's sapping moisture from your skin, because you aren't closer to me.'

MJ: That's what the dream means, though. The dream is a situation that's familiar to you. You walk into a planet unsuspectingly as a diplomat, and you're faced with a demand and hostility, tangentially involving gender. The "evil feminists" are there because Ambi seems to be of that opinion, because she keeps erecting barriers between you and "real men", cisguys. Ambi leads them, of course. And the "soldiers" are ephemeral partners of Ambi, who do as instructed. But only your sperm is the kind she wants, because it carries the genetic information to make her children "easily controllable". When you try to talk to Ambi about this, she says the same thing. She demands you stop resisting and commit to her, i.e. surrender. The second part is you going "Whoa I don't get this" so your subconscious runs over the same material again, as a dialogue. Your subconscious is sketching an image of Ambi as someone who needs to be the 'center' of a relationship, and who wants to be served.

DREAM ONE:

The first one is you in my bathroom. This one is pretty vague and kind of blurry. You had a vag and I was about to go down on you. But there was like, a lot of toilet paper lint! I started rolling it off of your labia with my hand and making a little pile with it, to your dismay. And I was like, 'what? It's still good, it just needs to be dusted. But gee, there sure is a lot. Wait a minute. How the hell do you have so much toilet paper in here?' I mean there was a lot. It was making wads...Wet rolled up lint balls. And you said: 'Don't pick on me! We don't all have the pleasure of standing to pee! Some of us have to wipe.'

And I said, 'You don't? I've got like three spoons, you're welcome to using one, just rinse it afterwards. I'm sure we'll use like a third the amount of toilet paper.' And you said, 'No! I've been waiting forever for this, I'm not going to let you ruin it for me. Some of us go through pains to sit, okay?'

And I was like 'sorry, jeez.'
That was the end of that part.

MJ COMMENTS: The first part is basically your subconscious informing you of current events. "Hey we wanna go down on this chick but she's whiny and has stuff in her pussy and we don't like her right now."

SECOND DREAM:

I was walking around the bottom level of a movie theater, looking for the bathroom. Because I 'needed to take a bath'. (This makes no sense, but it did in the dream. Upon entering the bathroom, part of it was the bathroom at my house- our bathtub, our shower and everything, but with a urinal at one end and three sinks on the other.)

And guarding the hallway to the door was Justin(exboyfriend in WL), a security guard. Waking, I recognize that it was Justin, but in the dream he was a stranger. Just some random blonde security guard I didn't know.
When I passed him I smiled, thinking he was cute. He was standing in front of a softserve machine, that let out tofu flavored icecream. I snagged a free sample of this in a little tester cup. He said 'ah, that funky soy stuff, huh?' 'Yeah,' eating it.

And then he reached out and started trying to stroke my fucking nips through my shirt. I smacked his hand away and said, 'what are you doing? >: ( ' and he chuckled stupidly and went 'hehe come on, you like it.' 'No, no, I fucking don't!' And he reached out and started trying to do it some more. This actually felt kind of nice, but the violation of my personal space and blatantly ignoring my refusal, really pissed me off!

I smacked his hand away again and said, 'STOP IT!' (His touch was really pleasurable at this point, so I was having momentary confusion with whether or not the pleasure made me okay with it, before remembering to be angry. His fingertips I could feel right through my shirt, and the sensation wasn't of fingers, but like wet lace stroking me.)

He yet again made a stupid comment, like 'you want me' or some shit. This is the interesting part, I don't know if you remember me describing to you that I kept dreaming over and over that I punch someone with all of my might and they just laugh at me and I lose. And they either rape/pillage/destroytheworld/whatever because my 'best' was laughable. Well, I rear back and sock him in the fucking face. Just, BAM!. And he flies across the floor. Unconscious, with a broken nose, laying in a pile in the bathroom several feet away.

Instead of being happy, I start to freak out because I had no idea I was going to hit him that hard. I realized then that I had no proof of him sexually harassing me, which means that anyone who saw the 'punch' portion of that might think I was trying to mug him, and he could charge me with assault. Once again, dream logic makes no sense, and I go into the bathroom where his body is, to get into the tub so I can brush the icecream off my teeth and wash the blood off of my fists.

This is your second cameo, btw. You're already in the bathtub naked, squatting in front of the faucet washing your face. I have already taken off all of my clothes, and so you and I are squatting in the bath tub and I ask you to share some water with me via wash basin and you dump some over my shoulders for me. Everything is somehow fine and normal for this short part.

Then, all of a sudden, you're Ambi. This part is interesting to me, because the entire time you're you, I don't notice anything strange. But as soon as you're Ambi, all of a sudden it's like there's 'someone in there with me' in an unpleasant way. So a switcheroo has happened. Instead of wondering where you are, it's as if she's suddenly appeared and I've gone from being 'alone' to having someone fucking in there!

Let me rephrase, you didn't disappear, she just appeared. There was no 'where is MJ', but instead, 'what the fuck is Ambi doing here?' I looked at her and said as much. 'What the fuck are you doing in here?' And she was like, uhm, I'm taking a bath, hello. I said, jesus, have you been in here the whole time? If you've been here the whole time... Wait a minute, did you see what I did to that guy?' 'What guy?' 'There's a guy out there, bleeding in a pile on the floor. I punched him. You didn't see?' 'No...' 'Fuck, do you know what this means!' 'No...?' 'I don't have a witness!' 'And...?' 'Don't take this the wrong way, okay? But seriously, if your friend is being molested and you're like five feet away, and he PUNCHES the guy six feet across the floor and breaks his nose, dont'cha think maybe you should take notice? In the future, can we make this a normal occurrence, where I KNOW if you're suddenly going to show up, and uh, you employ a little 'assess, assist, report'?' (For some reason, 'assess, assist, report' was a construct in the dream like 'stop, drop, and roll' or 'grab, squeeze, twist, and pull', a short phrase you remember to react with in situations like these.')

She gives me this hurt look. I sigh and ask her to please hand me the tooth paste. She holds the toothpaste in her hand and smiles at me, and goes, 'Well mister, if you want it so bad, you'll just have to get it!~' And she fucking tosses it out of the shower, right next to Justin, on the floor. 'god damnit, do you have any idea what you've fucking done?!' I now reach my arm out of the tub, scrambling my fingers across the floor, to see if I can reach the toothpaste without getting out.

And Justin starts getting up.
I am scared shitless.

He groans and I can see through the curtain that he's holding himself up over the sink, checking his broken nose and sneezing blood onto the counter. I'm thinking 'shit, if he remembers I did that to him, I'm toast' I feel something against my finger, and it's not the toothpaste tube- but the back of his leather boot. I just bumped it. I snake my hand back into the shower and start to silently panic.

He turns around, and starts reaching toward the shower curtain. His hand reaches around and, doesn't open it, he just puts his hand past it... And he's holding the toothpaste. 'Hey, did one of you drop this? Same one I use. God... My head hurts. I can't remember what the hell happened. Did either of you guys see me fall, or something?' I say, 'No, sorry! Didn't even realize you were out there until you got up. You must've fallen after we were already inside, and the shower must've covered the noise.'

He says, 'Thanks, sorry about that... ooowughh...' and wanders off.

MJ COMMENTS: The breast feeling references Danny(chauvinist guy), but also references abusive relationships (I hate what he's doing but it feels good) and your capacity to actually break out of them. One of the things that holds you back from doing so is the fear that you would hurt a person who doesn't respect you. You punched Justin and it worked - because you realized you can get out - but it harmed him spectacularly. Which you felt terrible about. Then Ambi is in the bathtub, and she's not as comfy as me being there. You tell her "I'm looking for your approval" and she said "Hahaha, it's over there by the nasty guy". Which shows a need for control. Cue the fear of retaliation... (The toothpaste symbolizes approval. i.e., "Please give me something I would expect from you, since we are friends." "No! I deny it to you mock playfully, because I can! I control y00.") It's simply something you have no control over, and Ambi reduces your control further. (me: I think this is a nod to the common theme I have with people pulling the 'obliviously or half awaredly endangering your wellbeing in ways that wouldn't happen if we took you seriously'. This seems to happen in WL pretty often. Where my situation is glossed over, or the seriousness of my concerns dismissed and people do 'funny stuff' or 'whatever' and fuck my world up royally with their carelessness.)

THIRD DREAM:

It's my birthday. Justin(no longer a stranger, but my friend and exboyfriend as he is in WL) tells me he wants to take me to a cosmetics counter for my birthday, and I can just pick out a bunch of things that I like, and he'll treat me to them as a present. And he won't judge me, or give me crap, period, apart from maybe telling me I'm pretty. He reminds me that if I get a manicure done, he wants one, too. So we go to a counter, and we go to a Morning Glory, too, where we buy a bunch of really cute inane girly barrettes for our hair.

I get all kinds of beautiful eyeshadow, including bright violet and emerald green. When I get back to 'their house', (his house and her house, is the same thing. They don't necessarily 'live together', it's just that both their houses are 'not my house', thus, there is no difference in the dream and they're lumped together.) it's a strange combination of his house, and Ambi's.

I'm really happy right now, and so I decide to vacuum their ceiling for them, which hasn't been cleaned in ages. I flip a switch that also uses anti-gravity to move small particles from the carpet, to the ceiling, so I can suck them up in one go. They chide me for cleaning their house on my birthday, but I assure them don't worry, just a little more and I'll be done, I promise.

Justin's parents are there and they both smile and shake their heads at me, so does Ambi's mom and Justin and everyone hugs me. Then they wave goodbye, say they're going to go to the store or some such, and you kids play nice... Everyone leaves except Ambi.

She looks excited for me and says, 'So what did you get for your birthday?' And I open up a bright pink purse to show her all of the beautiful eyeshadow Justin gave to me(I am happy in this moment)...And it turns out all of the pots and jars and palettes were smashed and crushed somehow in transit, on the way to their house. So the entire bottom of the bag is just filled with broken jars and the powder is smashed to the point where it's mixed, and the color of dirt.

I am really sad at this, and frustrated. I say, 'It's such a huge waste... Those were all new, there were so many colors in there, and now it's just... Brown. How am I even going to put this to use..? I can't use this for anything, now. It's wasted...'

I start to cry.

She puts her hands on my shoulders and says, 'Alex, hey. It isn't as if it mattered. Your acne is so bad you look like you have some kind of terrible skin disease anyway.' I say to her, 'You're such a fucking bitch, god!' And she says, 'Oh yeah? Well YOU HAVE FUCKING ACNE, SO THERE!' I full on boo-hoo cry at this. I mean, fists to my eyes and everything, like a little kid, and that's the end.

MJ COMMENTS: 'Your birthday with Justin is wish fulfillment, and it's an indictment of Ambi. Your dream implies that Justin understands your desire for cosmetics more. Showing the cosmetics to Ambi is what broke them. One of the things I've learned about dreams is that unexpected events are always causally related to the circumstances when you notice them. I don't really know the exact scene, but her wanting to see them makes she actively broke them, and it's not your fault - her dialogue afterward is just aimed at her breaking you down.