Cairus

DREAM ONE:

The first one is you in my bathroom. This one is pretty vague and kind of blurry. You had a vag and I was about to go down on you. But there was like, a lot of toilet paper lint! I started rolling it off of your labia with my hand and making a little pile with it, to your dismay. And I was like, 'what? It's still good, it just needs to be dusted. But gee, there sure is a lot. Wait a minute. How the hell do you have so much toilet paper in here?' I mean there was a lot. It was making wads...Wet rolled up lint balls. And you said: 'Don't pick on me! We don't all have the pleasure of standing to pee! Some of us have to wipe.'

And I said, 'You don't? I've got like three spoons, you're welcome to using one, just rinse it afterwards. I'm sure we'll use like a third the amount of toilet paper.' And you said, 'No! I've been waiting forever for this, I'm not going to let you ruin it for me. Some of us go through pains to sit, okay?'

And I was like 'sorry, jeez.'
That was the end of that part.

MJ COMMENTS: The first part is basically your subconscious informing you of current events. "Hey we wanna go down on this chick but she's whiny and has stuff in her pussy and we don't like her right now."

SECOND DREAM:

I was walking around the bottom level of a movie theater, looking for the bathroom. Because I 'needed to take a bath'. (This makes no sense, but it did in the dream. Upon entering the bathroom, part of it was the bathroom at my house- our bathtub, our shower and everything, but with a urinal at one end and three sinks on the other.)

And guarding the hallway to the door was Justin(exboyfriend in WL), a security guard. Waking, I recognize that it was Justin, but in the dream he was a stranger. Just some random blonde security guard I didn't know.
When I passed him I smiled, thinking he was cute. He was standing in front of a softserve machine, that let out tofu flavored icecream. I snagged a free sample of this in a little tester cup. He said 'ah, that funky soy stuff, huh?' 'Yeah,' eating it.

And then he reached out and started trying to stroke my fucking nips through my shirt. I smacked his hand away and said, 'what are you doing? >: ( ' and he chuckled stupidly and went 'hehe come on, you like it.' 'No, no, I fucking don't!' And he reached out and started trying to do it some more. This actually felt kind of nice, but the violation of my personal space and blatantly ignoring my refusal, really pissed me off!

I smacked his hand away again and said, 'STOP IT!' (His touch was really pleasurable at this point, so I was having momentary confusion with whether or not the pleasure made me okay with it, before remembering to be angry. His fingertips I could feel right through my shirt, and the sensation wasn't of fingers, but like wet lace stroking me.)

He yet again made a stupid comment, like 'you want me' or some shit. This is the interesting part, I don't know if you remember me describing to you that I kept dreaming over and over that I punch someone with all of my might and they just laugh at me and I lose. And they either rape/pillage/destroytheworld/whatever because my 'best' was laughable. Well, I rear back and sock him in the fucking face. Just, BAM!. And he flies across the floor. Unconscious, with a broken nose, laying in a pile in the bathroom several feet away.

Instead of being happy, I start to freak out because I had no idea I was going to hit him that hard. I realized then that I had no proof of him sexually harassing me, which means that anyone who saw the 'punch' portion of that might think I was trying to mug him, and he could charge me with assault. Once again, dream logic makes no sense, and I go into the bathroom where his body is, to get into the tub so I can brush the icecream off my teeth and wash the blood off of my fists.

This is your second cameo, btw. You're already in the bathtub naked, squatting in front of the faucet washing your face. I have already taken off all of my clothes, and so you and I are squatting in the bath tub and I ask you to share some water with me via wash basin and you dump some over my shoulders for me. Everything is somehow fine and normal for this short part.

Then, all of a sudden, you're Ambi. This part is interesting to me, because the entire time you're you, I don't notice anything strange. But as soon as you're Ambi, all of a sudden it's like there's 'someone in there with me' in an unpleasant way. So a switcheroo has happened. Instead of wondering where you are, it's as if she's suddenly appeared and I've gone from being 'alone' to having someone fucking in there!

Let me rephrase, you didn't disappear, she just appeared. There was no 'where is MJ', but instead, 'what the fuck is Ambi doing here?' I looked at her and said as much. 'What the fuck are you doing in here?' And she was like, uhm, I'm taking a bath, hello. I said, jesus, have you been in here the whole time? If you've been here the whole time... Wait a minute, did you see what I did to that guy?' 'What guy?' 'There's a guy out there, bleeding in a pile on the floor. I punched him. You didn't see?' 'No...' 'Fuck, do you know what this means!' 'No...?' 'I don't have a witness!' 'And...?' 'Don't take this the wrong way, okay? But seriously, if your friend is being molested and you're like five feet away, and he PUNCHES the guy six feet across the floor and breaks his nose, dont'cha think maybe you should take notice? In the future, can we make this a normal occurrence, where I KNOW if you're suddenly going to show up, and uh, you employ a little 'assess, assist, report'?' (For some reason, 'assess, assist, report' was a construct in the dream like 'stop, drop, and roll' or 'grab, squeeze, twist, and pull', a short phrase you remember to react with in situations like these.')

She gives me this hurt look. I sigh and ask her to please hand me the tooth paste. She holds the toothpaste in her hand and smiles at me, and goes, 'Well mister, if you want it so bad, you'll just have to get it!~' And she fucking tosses it out of the shower, right next to Justin, on the floor. 'god damnit, do you have any idea what you've fucking done?!' I now reach my arm out of the tub, scrambling my fingers across the floor, to see if I can reach the toothpaste without getting out.

And Justin starts getting up.
I am scared shitless.

He groans and I can see through the curtain that he's holding himself up over the sink, checking his broken nose and sneezing blood onto the counter. I'm thinking 'shit, if he remembers I did that to him, I'm toast' I feel something against my finger, and it's not the toothpaste tube- but the back of his leather boot. I just bumped it. I snake my hand back into the shower and start to silently panic.

He turns around, and starts reaching toward the shower curtain. His hand reaches around and, doesn't open it, he just puts his hand past it... And he's holding the toothpaste. 'Hey, did one of you drop this? Same one I use. God... My head hurts. I can't remember what the hell happened. Did either of you guys see me fall, or something?' I say, 'No, sorry! Didn't even realize you were out there until you got up. You must've fallen after we were already inside, and the shower must've covered the noise.'

He says, 'Thanks, sorry about that... ooowughh...' and wanders off.

MJ COMMENTS: The breast feeling references Danny(chauvinist guy), but also references abusive relationships (I hate what he's doing but it feels good) and your capacity to actually break out of them. One of the things that holds you back from doing so is the fear that you would hurt a person who doesn't respect you. You punched Justin and it worked - because you realized you can get out - but it harmed him spectacularly. Which you felt terrible about. Then Ambi is in the bathtub, and she's not as comfy as me being there. You tell her "I'm looking for your approval" and she said "Hahaha, it's over there by the nasty guy". Which shows a need for control. Cue the fear of retaliation... (The toothpaste symbolizes approval. i.e., "Please give me something I would expect from you, since we are friends." "No! I deny it to you mock playfully, because I can! I control y00.") It's simply something you have no control over, and Ambi reduces your control further. (me: I think this is a nod to the common theme I have with people pulling the 'obliviously or half awaredly endangering your wellbeing in ways that wouldn't happen if we took you seriously'. This seems to happen in WL pretty often. Where my situation is glossed over, or the seriousness of my concerns dismissed and people do 'funny stuff' or 'whatever' and fuck my world up royally with their carelessness.)

THIRD DREAM:

It's my birthday. Justin(no longer a stranger, but my friend and exboyfriend as he is in WL) tells me he wants to take me to a cosmetics counter for my birthday, and I can just pick out a bunch of things that I like, and he'll treat me to them as a present. And he won't judge me, or give me crap, period, apart from maybe telling me I'm pretty. He reminds me that if I get a manicure done, he wants one, too. So we go to a counter, and we go to a Morning Glory, too, where we buy a bunch of really cute inane girly barrettes for our hair.

I get all kinds of beautiful eyeshadow, including bright violet and emerald green. When I get back to 'their house', (his house and her house, is the same thing. They don't necessarily 'live together', it's just that both their houses are 'not my house', thus, there is no difference in the dream and they're lumped together.) it's a strange combination of his house, and Ambi's.

I'm really happy right now, and so I decide to vacuum their ceiling for them, which hasn't been cleaned in ages. I flip a switch that also uses anti-gravity to move small particles from the carpet, to the ceiling, so I can suck them up in one go. They chide me for cleaning their house on my birthday, but I assure them don't worry, just a little more and I'll be done, I promise.

Justin's parents are there and they both smile and shake their heads at me, so does Ambi's mom and Justin and everyone hugs me. Then they wave goodbye, say they're going to go to the store or some such, and you kids play nice... Everyone leaves except Ambi.

She looks excited for me and says, 'So what did you get for your birthday?' And I open up a bright pink purse to show her all of the beautiful eyeshadow Justin gave to me(I am happy in this moment)...And it turns out all of the pots and jars and palettes were smashed and crushed somehow in transit, on the way to their house. So the entire bottom of the bag is just filled with broken jars and the powder is smashed to the point where it's mixed, and the color of dirt.

I am really sad at this, and frustrated. I say, 'It's such a huge waste... Those were all new, there were so many colors in there, and now it's just... Brown. How am I even going to put this to use..? I can't use this for anything, now. It's wasted...'

I start to cry.

She puts her hands on my shoulders and says, 'Alex, hey. It isn't as if it mattered. Your acne is so bad you look like you have some kind of terrible skin disease anyway.' I say to her, 'You're such a fucking bitch, god!' And she says, 'Oh yeah? Well YOU HAVE FUCKING ACNE, SO THERE!' I full on boo-hoo cry at this. I mean, fists to my eyes and everything, like a little kid, and that's the end.

MJ COMMENTS: 'Your birthday with Justin is wish fulfillment, and it's an indictment of Ambi. Your dream implies that Justin understands your desire for cosmetics more. Showing the cosmetics to Ambi is what broke them. One of the things I've learned about dreams is that unexpected events are always causally related to the circumstances when you notice them. I don't really know the exact scene, but her wanting to see them makes she actively broke them, and it's not your fault - her dialogue afterward is just aimed at her breaking you down.