CazmoV

After reading for a couple hours last night, I let out some steam in an emotionally charged dream journal post, hoping to actually remember some dreams this morning in the process. I definitely think my calm evening of reading and meditation helped me slip into a deep sleep of many dreams, but sadly I do not remember any. I remember waking up in the middle of the night very horny and remembering my dreams, but also being very tired. Classic - I never really did find a way of logging my dreams as and when I remembered them. It's kind of like brute force - my ideal method would be laptop as I type fast and could get back to sleep ASAP, but having the energy to do that in the middle of the night is tough. I remember people years ago talking about using a voice recording app which I might try tonight, but I think I tried this before and my mid-sleep voice was just too slurry. Anyway, I woke up today feeling refreshed and well-dreamt (even if I don't remember them)... here's to tonight!

I rekindled my Dream Views account about a month ago posting about an unfortunate rut of bad habits I found myself in, adding a journal entry that covered my earliest dream memories as a means to improve my dream recollection.

This didn't quite go to plan - I think I had a couple of productive days, but flew out to Italy with friends shortly after. It was a great time, but an unfortunate argument with friends (which was resolved, but with a slightly bad atmosphere in the air), too much drinking, and some sad discussions with my partner about us probably breaking up sent me back into a bad place upon my return. I had left myself a gram of weed for when I got home, and this has ultimately been my downfall once again. When I smoke weed, it's like I have no control of how much or when I smoke it. It muddies my decision making, and before I know it I'm a month deep into a weed whole, eating horrendous food whilst neglecting my responsibilities.

Anyway, I've been crawling out of the rut the last couple of days, finished up some weed I had left over, and have been trying to make more music instead of mindlessly consuming content. I've been reading as well, telling myself that whenever I am doing nothing such as watching YouTube, I could just be reading instead. It's put me into a really good headspace, feeling meditative, calm, and inspired as I always would after reading for a while.

So, here I am again - hopefully back with a bit of consistency. I sadly cannot recall much dream activity in the last month or so. The only dream I really remember was a few days ago after returning from Italy, dreaming that I was on holiday with my partner and friends, but somewhere else this time. I was laying down or sat down, and she was standing over me, basically telling me in a rather harsh way that she was done with putting up with me and making compromises for our relationship, and that was that. It was a really vivid dream that left me feeling pretty emotional. Perhaps as part of a synchronicity, my partner messaged me that same morning to tell me that she had a bizarre dream where she faked her own death, watching me and my friend J crying all night at her death, only to be there eating with us at breakfast in the morning. Her dream kind of gave me complex-vibes similar to some dark thoughts I've had at low points in my life, thinking of faking or even taking part in suicide, knowing that others are mourning for you.

I didn't mention my thoughts on her dream - just told her that I had a slightly more realistic and sad dream of her finishing things with me. We both felt sad from this, and haven't really chatted much since. I wish I had a more positive and interesting dream to share with you, but perhaps they will come tomorrow.