NBF's DJ

I'm at a revival-meeting-type gathering and it's unclear whether they're Christians, Wiccans, or a melange of both. It's about to be my turn to get up onstage to be "read". I get a choice of lotto-game-type cards to choose from and I choose the purple one. The woman holding the meeting looks at it and says, "Forget it. You're lost. You're headed for destruction and there's no way to save you." I assume she's about to heal me from this horrible destiny, so I get up onto the podium, and then she trips and falls. She looks back and blames me as if I've made it happen. She orders me off the stage. There is also someone calling out that I use cards, which they call by some kind of T-word like "trock" (can't remember), and I say, "You mean tarot?" Everybody in the congregation gasps and looks at me as though I were the devil himself. They start to stare at me with hate in their eyes that forces me off the stage.

It's clear that I'm going to get no healing here, so I wander around the audience looking for someone who might help me. I run into an old psychology colleague who used to be a baseball coach and who is a no-nonsense wise man. He tells me this is all b------t and that they're using me to try to sell psychic readings. They know I'll see through their tactics, so they're marginalizing me to their public to try to make an example of me. I run across an acolyte, a heavy and sweet-faced woman in her 30s or 40s, with a braid of long hair down to her waist. She smiles at me and says she'll help me, but then when she walks past, her hair is jerked back as if I'd pulled it, and she falls. She blames me and everybody sees it.

I leave, convinced I'm doomed, and I come across a table full of lotto-type tickets where you pull a paper out of a paper sleeve, like in a children's book where you pull a tab and the horse's tail wags. I pick purple again as my favourite colour, and it says, "You may as well forget it. You're lost. You know how a condemned man's last meal is whatever he wants? Go do whatever you want. Have a blast for your last couple months of life on Earth." It goes on to say that some of the signs of the end days are that fruit will turn to dust. Every fruit I find turns to dust in my hands. Frantically, I start picking other colours. Pink says I may have some hope, but if I've picked purple already I'm hopelessly lost. Green finally says I have some hope - it's a deep forest green. I know bystanders are looking at me as if I'm nuts.

I wake up with a headache. It takes me a few minutes to convince myself it was only a dream.

But was it?

I had asked God and my guardian angel, and any other angels who wanted to help me, to be with me in my dreams. Is this their message to me??

If anyone has a possible alternative answer and cares to comment on this, please do. I will say that I've been going through a Major Depressive Episode (partly related to Cymbalta withdrawal) after a very difficult Christmas with my family, and I posted last night on another forum about how angry I was over past abusive treatment. I've always felt terrified of being angry with my parents or sisters, and last night I wrote out how angry I was and faced the possibility of being cut off from them in my mind. I actually did write in the post that I "might not even go to hell for this". Briefly, I got physically roughed up on Christmas Day by one of my sisters while I was in the middle of a near-catatonic depressive episode, and a lot of past abuse issues have been coming up for me. It's always felt very dangerous to let it make me angry, because I'd lose my family, be cut off, and possibly go to hell for disobeying the honour-thy-parents commandment. I'd certainly be cut off in life, suddenly without a family - even a sometimes abusive family being a safer feeling than none at all. Hate your famliy, and you're alone in an uncaring world.

But it does bother me that I made a specific request (and had made that request repeatedly) to God and the angels to be with me during my dreams, and not only are they still nightmares, but I've now had one essentially saying that I'm a lost cause and they're going to throw me into Hell. What?!?!