lucid

I'm in a university lecture hall tripping over things, and I am selected to get a psychic reading and healing with a crystal headdress. When the headdress is on, I palpably feel a buzz of healing go through my body.

I'm in a college hallway with friends. I need to go back to the lecture hall. I get a message on my cell phone that I've won two tickets to go meet Jennifer Aniston and ask her for some career advice. Several friends have "Liked" my status on Facebook about this. I need to get back to the lecture hall to claim my tickets. I realize not exactly that I'm dreaming, but that I can walk through solid barriers; I do so through a glass wall and see my reflection. I think maybe I can teleport instantly into the university lecture hall, but I decide I'd rather walk.

I'm in a field with javelins stuck into the grass. I see a broken javelin point. I see its stalk flying toward it and I try to manoeuvre it so that the stalk lands right on the point. It does, and the two parts fuse back into one single javelin. I pick it up and try to aim it at a point 50 yards away. I try to get the point in its crosshairs. I have difficulty, as if I'm trying to take a handheld shot with a deep-zoom lens. I finally get it steady and throw the javelin, but it pushes back as if it's a rifle and flies wide toward the side.

I'm by the shore of one of the Great Lakes and I realize I'm dreaming. I decide to dance and sing, as it's morning and no one's around and I'm only dreaming anyway. I notice the suntrail over the lake is coming from the south; yet I've recently seen a clock and it's 8:45 AM. I conclude that I have the directions wrong and the lake and suntrail must be to the east after all. I dance out onto the pier and decide to try jumping and gliding over the sun-golded ocean. I fall beneath the surface, realize the water must be cold, and feel the cold water all over my body. A huge fish, which looks like a catfish and is the size of a small dog, comes and looks at me suspiciously.

At this point, I get the spookiest feeling that I'm not entirely in a dream - that this is somehow real. It's hard to describe. It was a sudden sense of reality.

I had a dream last night where I was at some camp (frequent dream setting) and Colm was there, but he didn't want to talk to me until he saw where this other relationship was going. Then a very good-looking blond guy was there at the top of a hill I was walking up, and he was talking on a payphone. (Does anyone even do that anymore?) He was talking about fixing a car. I pretended to trip near him, and when I came up, I "accidentally" bit his neck. (In dreaming or waking life, boldest move I've ever made sober. The bumpy ride in Cancun in the crowded back seat next to Colm doesn't count. Free pina coladas all day at that resort.) He looked up and smiled. I smiled and said, "Oh! Sorry!" He smiled back and quickly finished his call and I was about to walk away and leave it at that. He started to walk beside me and said, "Kind of weird weather, isn't it?" Now, even I know that in this situation, that's code for, "Let's talk and get to know each other and maybe (adult content) later." So I started to engage him in conversation about the weather.

Eventually, he says, like most men, "Look, I have to go, but I'll call you later, okay?" Without getting my number. All you can really effectively do at that point is smile and say okay - I've learned through many hard experiences that the more you protest, the worse it gets. But this dude continued, "You have to figure some things out. We've met before. You'll recognize me when you see me again at Mummy Love." Mummy Love was the name of a daycare centre, apparently. I tried to place him, but couldn't, as he continued, "Munich is past." Munich = Germany = Colm. In this dream, Colm was a native German.

Then I was back in my room with my duffel bag, changing. I was trying to decide whether to wear the dark skinny jeans tonight, at the dance, or wear them the next day for the road trip (when I'd see Colm for sure because we'd say goodbye) and stay away and read a C. S. Lewis book out of the school library instead. I got a feeling I'd be a lot happier hanging back and reading the book. I didn't want to hear that Colm and his girlfriend were growing closer instead of what I expected, which was (and, quite frankly, is) that Colm will continue to feel trapped to the point that it drives him to a breaking point, his girlfriend will pick up on it and it will bother her to the point that she behaves in such a way that pushes him away even faster (yess!! Someone else can be that girl for a change!) and through all this, I will seem like the mysterious and diaphanous memory and the one that he can't have.

At that point, Incubus meows and shows up from behind a corner. I realize that this is a dream, because I remember that Incubus has died. But I also remember that I'd prayed so hard to be able to hold him again, even in a dream. So I pick him up - but he's covered with litterbox misfire and sweat, the way he was on the second-last day. I handle him carefully - he's almost dead. I don't feel the bliss I usually feel when I'm holding him. (I feel it now that I'm thinking of holding him - it's an all-over glowing in my chest.) Why am I feeling no bliss when I'm getting my prayer answered - being able to hold his dear little physical body again?

I still can't change the dream. I wake up.