Conquer

I woke up in my room but everything looked strange, the desk was different, and things were kind of wavy.
I thought maybe I was having a false awakening. I thought about it, and realized it even felt unstable and felt like
I was dreaming or thinking really hard rather than having just woke up. I looked down at my hands, and they were really blurry and weird looking.
Practiced moving objects 'with my mind' once I realized I was dreaming, lifed my entire to a sitting position using just my mind, but mainly because I was
afraid to try to move my 'dream limbs' and wake up. Anyways I ended up waking up after a short while I lost concentration.

answered my phone that was buzzing, fixed this thing on my wall, went back to sleep...

first thing I remember I was biking downtown on a bmx. random.

went to a party - climbing through ropes and stuff to get downstairs because, according to the DCs, there were loose bricks above the arch way and they didn't want them to fall? - really random..

-fragment-

I was in my res room - using my laptop and checking my email - I got an odd virus that would only let me use IE, which I hate. Dream sign - things not working properly - ended up waking up (after this fragment) and being like thank god fuck ie, etc. Kept getting weird text messages (phone not working right) in this fragment.. I remember I had actual mail on my bed (weird) and after opening it there was two leather passport-shaped leather things. One of them was addressed to me, one to s___ bow__. The passport like things had our marks for our courses on them- i remember mine was a 90 xD - and had some kind of military markings on it - sergeant I remember but with weird markings - i came to the conclusion that it said master sergeant. I realized there was a problem with them and they must've been addressed to the wrong person - after all s___ bow___'s was there which was really random. I remember wondering how the hell I was going to get them back to the mysterious sender. Later on, a____ came in, looking kinda like a player or something with his collar popped and a cigar in his mouth. he also had some kind of glasses on that made him look like eminem or something. xD He asked me if I got my marks and I said yeah (the pasport things?), he said yeah man its sick or something and lit his cigar. I told him not to smoke because the wind was blowing inside the direction of my room and I didn't want the fire alarm to go off. I looked at the wall as I pointed to the fire alarm and it was kind of like a leftover fragment of the backing of the alarm- like someone had torn it off the wall.
-fragment-

next thing i remember i was talking to a guy about the party, how the chicks there were all filthies - i showed him a text from my friend that said a couple of the chicks were squirting.. xD the text in the message kind of kept changing when i was trying to figure out who sent it to me, but i didn't really notice it consciously.
semi-lucid here - i was at what looked like res but i knew it was different - i got lost walking around after argument with two people being in my room when i didn't want them in there
weird-cartoon-looking cop showed up and asked if we needed help. i told him i was alright and kept going, should have known i was dreaming - he looked fucked and i was pretty much far away from my room at this point so I don't know how he knew about the argument.
I ended up walking out of res (getting lost) and ended up in something similar to Walmart somehow.
on my way back ran into s____ and she said she would help me find my room cause i was lost but then ditched when she ran into her friends.
I think maybe after she ditched me I ran into my friend that I talked to about the party, but that doesn't make sense because I know I got lost in res/had the argument with those people that were in my room after talking to him.. But I remember finding him as the first person when I got lost and finally found my room so I don't know..

-fragment/dream memory-
I remember that the strange version of the school is a fragment of another dream where I was riding a BMX through the different levels of res during the summer,
but the building was all torn down and destroyed and in this dream the res looked similar colours to my res rather than the abandoned building.
so the res was basically made up of the abandoned building from a different dream but painted, and with a walmart. xD
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-fragment-

I remember at one point h___ kissing me then pulling away and shaking nervously, folding into a ball on the bed saying, "its the drugs im so sorry its the drugs" etc. while i tried to comfort her.
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-fragment-
i was at the end of a hallway type thing and there was glass, on the other side of the glass was a bank.
I remember looking and seeing there was a red switch type button at the bottom, and an emergency exit button at the top..
a cop saw me looking at the glass and she pulled out her firearm and shot at me by accident because i was standing by this glass? soon as she fired she put her hands up as if to say - oh shit no
all the sudden i was at a bus stop, and she had shot me through the side of it. no more hallway or bank.. :S
she ran over to see if i was okay.. i remember after she shot at me asking myself - am i shot? and coming up with the answer, no i feel no pain - but I lay down anyways because i had a plan - i told her when she made it over to me that if she didn't want to get sued she had better get me a prescription to some pharms.
then she told the paramedics i was fine, and to leave - and then she tazed me. (maybe this was my phone vibrating?)
pretty much woke up from there - no more dreams after that - my phone's alarm went off

I remember feeling - in between sleep paralysis - this overwhelming feeling of fear, and a very dark presence being very close to me - like I was standing and she was right there, but a dark and terrifying version of her - the ex again, right in front of me. I just want to get over this. We were talking in class today on the stages of grieving, and talking about how some people may think they have reached acceptance when they are still in the depression stage. I feel like my consciousness is in the acceptance stage while my subconscious is still grieving and depressed/angry..

Hoping for a lucid dream tonight, back home so hopefully i'll get a good nights rest

All I can remember is something about going somewhere important, having to do something important and a lot of people were counting on me to do something but I can't remember who or what. Also dreamt about the ex, talking to her again and (for some reason) talking about getting back together - scares me, I completely hate her but is this a sign that my subconscious doesn't? I really hope it's not the case - however talking to her seems to be a reoccurring dream sign and I really just want to forget everything but its like my subconscious won't. Maybe next time I'll remember to RC and it will lead to a LD and I can change my surroundings. Maybe my recall will get better. hell, maybe i'll win the lottery.

I had a dream I kissed her (H_____) - she was right there next to me while I was sleeping but I hadn't had a chance to - I woke up and went back to my room around 4 am, she didn't notice me leave until the next morning

Dreaming about work, more negative imagery, ideas, situations, etc. Nothing complete, only fragments and memory of certain places of the building.

Dreaming about her, talking about getting back together with her with other people. A lot of negative imagery and opinions from DCs.

Missed a dream sign..

After grad night I got in late and was dreaming about lots of people wearing suits. Should have picked up on the dream sign but I missed it. When I was dreaming I remember thinking to myself, "that's odd.". Lots of negative imagery in the dream also, negative feelings, situations and ideas.. Likely something to do with *her.



*note to self - highlighting dream signs in blue to help in the future