Mystycal

I had three lucids, but could only remember a fragment of the second and the whole of the third. My recall suffered last night presumably because I went to bed a bit stressed and very late.

Fragment of nonlucid
I remember at one point waking up and going to our kitchen. There was this cook/cleaner lady there who we hired in the dream. She kept moaning and complaining about everything and was generally obnoxious. I got a glass of water and drank it. She was wearing an apron and was quite old.
A while later we had another housekeeper lady and we sat down for dinner. There were baked beans, potatoes and chicken. Everyone loved the meal.

Fragment of Second Lucid
I became lucid and wanted to go outside. My sister was walking past so I decided to look her in the eyes and see if her face was normal in the dream. It was. I can't remember anything else from the dream.

Fragment of nonlucid
I was fighting this massive orc guy in armour. We both had battleaxes and the only way to hurt him was wait until he attacks, parry and then counter, like in Assassin's Creed. Just attacking him was bound to fail - he parried everything flawlessly. But there was a problem - he wouldn't attack for ages. It was as if he'd glitched out or something. I took a few steps backwards. He was on this pedestal a few steps up. He just stood there looking at me. I attacked, he parried, sending my axe flying across the sandy courtyard. I ran backwards and picked up a sword. But the guy wouldn't move, and I can't remember anything else.

Third Lucid Dream
My dad, brother and I were walking around town which was bursting with pickpockets. Seriously, everytime we paused to look at something, they'd all be all around my dad like flies. He kept pushing them away. One time we went into a public toilet and as my brother and I were peeing, my dad had already finished and there were about three pickpockets on him, and he was pushing them away. We finished and then went towards him, shooing the pickpockets away. One of them said, "We know what make your wallet is now" to my dad.
We kept going and outside the toilets I asked dad if they'd succeeded in stealing anything. He said he doesn't think so.
"They're not getting my bracelet," he said, "and definitely not my necklace." I thought what? My dad wears jewellery? But sure enough, I saw a gold chain around his neck. I got the impression that they were given to him by his wife...but not my mum. Suddenly he wasn't my dad anymore. He was Phil Dunphy from Modern Family.
And the dream fastforwarded a few years, to a time when his wife had died. Phil had gone insane, his life didn't mean anything to him. I remember seeing him run out of a house, an American-type house. He was holding a knife of some sort with a weird contraption on it. He turned back towards the house. Another man came out with an identical knife and threw it. That knife whizzed through the air, but didn't rotate - instead it just flew like a homing missile. Phil blocked it with a rectangular piece of colourful material, probably made out of something like kevlar. The knife burrowed its tip into the material, still trying to get him.Then it retreated and hung in the air like a wasp. I saw the construction - it was a normal army knife, except it had attached to it at the bottom what looked like a magazine from a Tommy gun from those gangster movies. The component was round and made of metal. It was responsible for the knife being able to fly.
The two men went back inside, talking about how fun the game was. I followed and suddenly became an actual person as opposed to just a viewpoint. Phil, tired, sat down in my nan's chair and suddenly we were in my house. Me and the other guy sat down at opposite sides of a little table in front of Phil.
"Take out the pens" said Phil. I went over to a little cupboard and took out two more knives, but they had much narrower blades, clearly designed for thrusting and not cutting at all. They looked deadly, and had pens tied to the blades. I extended one pen over the edge of the blade, Phil did the same with his. I retreated back to the table.
"And now we shall play with theeeseeee" said Phil in his crazy voice. The other guy looked at me, terrified. I looked at him in the same way. I decided a swift exit was of highest priority. I got up and ran for the door. Phil screamed in rage and I could hear him going after me. As I was leaving, I saw the other guy put on a world war II helmet and curling up in his seat. I ran out of my house.
About halfway to the gate, I realised it was a dream. The garden was sunny and I had seen this setting too many times before not to realise I was in a dream. Suddenly my priority became to get rid of Phil so I could get on with my lucid. I stopped by the gate and turned around. Phil was running towards me, almost foaming at the mouth. I raised my hand kinda like Neo does in The Matrix Reloaded to stop all the bullets, and I willed Phil to stop. When he was about a meter away, he did freeze indeed, and then I waved my hand to the right. He was thrown on the floor with an invisible force. He was alive, but visibly hurt, though I'm pretty sure non-lethally. He seemed to be in a lot of pain. I concluded he would no longer be a problem in this dream.
I turned around and climbed over the gate. Once over I stabilized the dream by paying attention to my surroundings the feel of my feet on the street. I held out my hand and willed and imagined a sword materializing in it. Nothing happened. I tried again, with no luck. I racked my brains to try to remember other ways of summonning objects. And I remembered one.
"Oh wait, I REMEMBER: I put a LIGHTER in my POCKET" I said, very pointedly. Suddenly I was wearing a coat and put my hand into my right pocket. There was a lighter. I pulled it out. It was quite big and just made of plain shiny steel. I produced a flame and held it up. There were two dogs looking at me from a balcony of the house to my right, and I showed them the flame, impressed with myself. Then I put the lighter back in my pocket and said,
"I swear I remember putting a SWORD in my other pocket." And I reached into my left pocket hoping beyond hope that there'd be something in there. I felt some loose paper, but I closed my hand around something that felt more solid and pulled it out. It was a stiletto of sorts, still in its sheaf, quite light. It was still bigger than what could realistically fit in my pocket, but not as big as a sword. Still, I was quite pleased with myself. Still holding the sword I came to a crossroads. I thought I'd explore my subconsciousness a bit.
"Subconscious, show yourself!" I shouted. My voice was louder than I expected. I hoped that my physical body was well paralysed and not screaming in bed.
The streets, which had up until now been eerily lifeless, came to life. I heard barking behind me and turned around. Behind one of the houses' fences was a medium sized dog, running up and down the fence and barking at me. I looked around - there was a Jeep coming to me up the road. It stopped right next to me. There was the driver - a middle aged man, either bald or losing hair, I can't remember - next to him a large dog, what looked like a cross between a Collie and a German Shepherd, and then in the back sat my sister and another dog. I opened the back door and climbed in. I looked at the driver.
"Are you supposed to be my subconscious?"
The man shook his head and looked at the dog next to him on the passenger seat. My gaze followed his. I suddenly realised that I wasn't looking at a dog, rather a man. Morgan Freeman to be precise, except he looked older than he is and he had something distinctly dog-like about him.
"YOU'RE my subconscious?! Morgan Freeman?!" I said, laughing. Morgan smiled and nodded. "You look a bit...different" I said.
"You don't look so bad yourself," he replied. The driver laughed. "I like the hair. It suits you." I thanked him. Lately in real life my hair was getting quite long.
"Anyway," I said, wanting to get on with more meaningful interactions with my subconscious, "where are we going?" We were driving up the road and then turned left onto the main road between Warsaw and Lublin. We were going towards Warsaw.
"Well, your sister will explain." said Morgan.
I turned to my sister. She started going on about our friend's birthday party and how she didn't have any shoes to wear. Then the dream ended and I woke up. Goddamnit subconscious.