lucid

I was up here, but not up here. It was different. The house was big and lovely with hardwood floors, the bottom floor had a front door that led to a staircase, and off to the right there was a dining room and a living room, around the side of the stairs there was a long thin den with a back door, to the left of the stairs there was an enclosed kitchen.

Up the stairs there was a platform with another set of stairs (that could be seen from entrance) that my mom used as art space. The other set of stairs led to bedrooms.

The creature that claimed to be my mother, with her black hair in a chin length bob. She was trying to construct nesting materials and an area for the birds -- the house wasn't isolated anymore, you could see a highway and strip mall out the window, and the birds were gone. That's what made me go lucid, the view out her bedroom window. I knew then that she wasn't really my mom. She was some kind of odd dream creature impersonating a mother, perhaps with the intent to disturb me later with her behavior. She really did seem genuine and sad. She fed a pack of stray dogs that came to the window. I played along, as despite my lucidity, I felt bad for the dream creature -- it was as if she was impersonating a mother because she wanted to be one and couldn't, and I felt somehow obliged to hang around with her for awhile. I decided to just spend some time in a low state of energy letting the dream wash over me, as it would allow me to experience the dream from a lucid perspective for longer.

She did try to disturb me, as I expected -- inviting me to see the basement and attic (where presumably unpleasantness lay, I turned it down) and at one point growing a giant, cartoonish penis and trying to rub it on me. Her efforts seemed so cursory and cliche, it was more depressing than disturbing -- even if I were unaware that I was dreaming I am not sure that it would have done anything but wake me. I said that to her when she grew the dick, I said that I knew what she was, and she evoked no family. She seemed frightened, though not necessarily of me (perhaps of failure) and pressed on, thinly acting like she didn't understand, and I allowed her to have sex with me for a bit, as she seemed very uncomfortable. I had no real feelings about it, except feeling bad for the creature. When I pulled away, the penis was gone.

She went to the window and seemed anxious and upset. I walked back into the den and opened the back door. A weird cartoon was playing, I tried to focus on the lyrics to the theme song but while they had the "feeling" of being words, I got to directly experience the dream-disconnect between what seems normal at a distance (words to a song) and what, when closely examined, either is nonsense or defies examination entirely. This was the latter. No matter how I tried, it seemed I could not possibly focus on it. I had tried hard enough to resolve it into something that made sense that I felt the dream start to fade a bit.

I didn't want to get pulled out without doing something fun, so I slid open the glass door at the back of the house and walked a few steps down the yard -- which ended abruptly in a cliff, probably because I had already decided my intention upon going outside. I flew (with slight difficulty, as I was trying not to get too excited and wake up) over a small town and toward the sea. I knew I couldn't stop the dream fading, but I got far enough to smell the sea air and feel the breeze from the ocean. It was relaxing and refreshing. I "went quietly," allowing myself to be woken. Upon waking I was calm.