ReluctantLondon

It's night, and I'm in a bed, but besides that I'm not certain where I am.

I'm in bed with Isata, an ex-coworker and maybe still-friend; in the past she's
told me that she feels comfortable being open with me and putting her trust in
me, and perhaps that's why in the dream we're sharing a bed (and a lack of
clothes), having a - very slightly - flirtatious conversation and are playfully
touching before cuddling to go to sleep - I don't receive from the dream the
impression that we're anything more than just friends.

She needs to do something - I was- and am- not certain what - and whilst I'm
still in the bed she kneel/walks on top of it, deliberately pausing when her
legs are apart above me and her crotch is close to my mouth; in spite of that,
she's surprised and angry when I try to begin to perform oral sex on her.

Things abruptly change - it's still night, but now I'm standing in the dining
room at my grandmother's house; I'm still naked - and now in a state of arousal
- but I don't seem to be perturbed by either of those things.

Whilst it's still night, my grandmother's house is partly on a
heavily-trafficked road, so there's sufficient second-hand artificial light to
see almost every detail in the room, and my mother - who also doesn't seem to be
perturbed by my nakedness or state of arousal - points out that there's a wasp
clinging to the net curtain; I try to kill it by crushing it with a scrunched-up
tissue and a jam jar or the lid of a jam jar, but it flies away, and I'm not
able to see where.

I awake with a start, my heart pounding, not because of a fear of the wasp, but
because of Isata's earlier reaction to me.

---

A few thoughts:

* Whilst the dream was far from a "wish fulfilment" dream - indeed, I don't
remember ever having a "wish fulfilment" dream - the relationship in the dream
is, I think, very close to my ideal sexual relationship: not a relationship
where sex is always a gesture of unplumbable romantic love; and - in spite of my
being an incel - definitely not a relationship where my partner is
more-or-less a living sex toy; but a relationship where sex is relaxed and
playful, two open and trusting friends trying to have fun.

* My wanting to perform oral sex on a girl I'm friends with, and so care about,
is not out of character for me - I likely learnt about cunnilingus before I
learnt about (male or female) masturbation, and, as a "safe" and "clean" way of
giving pleasure to a friend, it's something I've always wanted to try.

* However, my trying to kill a wasp is at least a little out of character for
me, as I'm pretty non-violent and, indeed, I prefer not to kill wasps if I'm
able to avoid it.