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    Just an anxiety dream..? [Adult]

    by , 08-13-2019 at 02:28 PM (156 Views)
    It's night, and I'm in a bed, but besides that I'm not certain where I am.

    I'm in bed with Isata, an ex-coworker and maybe still-friend; in the past she's
    told me that she feels comfortable being open with me and putting her trust in
    me, and perhaps that's why in the dream we're sharing a bed (and a lack of
    clothes), having a - very slightly - flirtatious conversation and are playfully
    touching before cuddling to go to sleep - I don't receive from the dream the
    impression that we're anything more than just friends.

    She needs to do something - I was- and am- not certain what - and whilst I'm
    still in the bed she kneel/walks on top of it, deliberately pausing when her
    legs are apart above me and her crotch is close to my mouth; in spite of that,
    she's surprised and angry when I try to begin to perform oral sex on her.

    Things abruptly change - it's still night, but now I'm standing in the dining
    room at my grandmother's house; I'm still naked - and now in a state of arousal
    - but I don't seem to be perturbed by either of those things.

    Whilst it's still night, my grandmother's house is partly on a
    heavily-trafficked road, so there's sufficient second-hand artificial light to
    see almost every detail in the room, and my mother - who also doesn't seem to be
    perturbed by my nakedness or state of arousal - points out that there's a wasp
    clinging to the net curtain; I try to kill it by crushing it with a scrunched-up
    tissue and a jam jar or the lid of a jam jar, but it flies away, and I'm not
    able to see where.

    I awake with a start, my heart pounding, not because of a fear of the wasp, but
    because of Isata's earlier reaction to me.


    A few thoughts:

    * Whilst the dream was far from a "wish fulfilment" dream - indeed, I don't
    remember ever having a "wish fulfilment" dream - the relationship in the dream
    is, I think, very close to my ideal sexual relationship: not a relationship
    where sex is always a gesture of unplumbable romantic love; and - in spite of my
    being an incel - definitely not a relationship where my partner is
    more-or-less a living sex toy; but a relationship where sex is relaxed and
    playful, two open and trusting friends trying to have fun.

    * My wanting to perform oral sex on a girl I'm friends with, and so care about,
    is not out of character for me - I likely learnt about cunnilingus before I
    learnt about (male or female) masturbation, and, as a "safe" and "clean" way of
    giving pleasure to a friend, it's something I've always wanted to try.

    * However, my trying to kill a wasp is at least a little out of character for
    me, as I'm pretty non-violent and, indeed, I prefer not to kill wasps if I'm
    able to avoid it.

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