Sospiro

my HH has turned from visual to auditory. It sounded like some very fluent news channel. The whole time, I was impressed by my subconscious and how it made sense of everything and how it sounded like an actual news station. -hypnic jerk-. Fuck. Get back in the zone.

My sight becomes a small peephole that i identified as a telescope. i tried to gaze at the stars. Before i know it, i have my dream body. It is night time and i am in what appears to be a mens changing/locker room. I perform a reality check and look at my hands just to stabilize myself and again, my fingers are short stumps and it gives me the fucking creeps and i shiver. I hate how it looks. I look in the mirror because everyone says how funny/weird it is. The first time I look, I die laughing so hard that i almost wake up because i see a retarded white man with his eyes too close together looking back at me. I turn around and look again...this time it is actually me...except with fat. I actually think that i look even more handsome fat than my usual body. -shrugs-. I also see some type of poster behind me in the mirror. I go outside and the marsh clouds are present in the dark night. I remember my training and try to make the picture more vivid. doesn't work at first, but does on second try. At this point, i decide to levitate and surf. i noticed a small fear of flying over the open body of water....I ended up at some cliff and saw a couple of familiar people. I surfed/flew more, and wondered why it was night. I wanted it to be day. I changed the scene from night to day subconsciously.

I fucked tabitha. Doggy style.

I end up at the locker room again and a maid asks me something about a towel and I say, "you can leave it there". I walk a stairway and see a guy with one eye (cyclops looking) with a group of people, but I am focused on him. For some reason, his one eye reminded me of my third eye which somehow reminded me about locating my dream guide. I asked him twice and he said he wasn't my dream guide. the third time i asked, he said he wasn't but he will take me to them. I asked him if it was true that they have to tell the truth on the third attempt about asking them about my dream guide...he and a friend say, "yea, it's one of those unspoken things...." he takes me to a warehouse and leaves. i enter and see a rifle on a desk just chillin. I suddenly don't trust the situation and am about to back out, but see a black lady behind a desk and ask her if she is my dream guide. she says no and tells me to wait.... and my memory cuts right here and i still have yet to find them. Maybe instead of asking, i will APPOINT someone my dream guide.

I wanted to meet the devil again. I scrolled down to his lair and asked his minion for permission. I told him that he should know me by now. As i waited, I swing on ropes the whole time catching crazy air. He took too long and was probably busy so I decided to leave to outer space.

I wanted to visit a planet far far away, so i did. I pretty much scrolled through a replica of planets. I chose some earth-like planet and wanted to meet the species on it. I tried inventing what they would look like (had a character from sesame street on mind crossed with character from Wild Things) but my representation was tainted by Earth, because all i saw were bears. I saw a parking lot that looked no different from earth.

I decided to overcome my fear of flying. I started out hovering and had trouble getting any higher. I let things happen naturally and went up slowly but surely. I was getting slightly anxious, but reminded myself that i wouldn't get hurt. I was up in the clouds and proud of myself for getting this far. The only thing I didn't do was look down, which i'm not sure if i'm proud of or not.

I tried to find my dream guide. at first i went into my home garage and there was a black lady there. I asked if she was my dream guide and she said that she will be my counselor. I told her that I do not need a counselor, but a dream guide. After calling me schizo and crazy, i left and realized that she wasn't for me. I tried elsewhere. There was an ugly dude with a conehead and a cut up face who claimed to be my dream guide. I was shallow and hesitant because I was being superficial and thought my dream guide would be more beautiful. I still am not sure if they are. Anyway, i got over my fear of flying and decided to do the complete opposite.......meditate at the bottom of the ocean. I could feel the though make my physical body quiver, but i did it anyway. I closed my eyes with my "dream guide" at the dark bottom of the ocean and within seconds, some massive animal bumps into me and flings me. I do not break my zone and keep meditating. it happens again. I do not break. this happened for a few seconds and i guess i figured i had enough, so it stopped.

I was in my apartment and there were numbers on the fridge. i was going to arrange them to make todays date, but i didn't. there was a NAKED in the fridge that i wanted but for some reason i grabbed some nasty orange liquid instead by accident. i said fuck it. there was a tiger running loose and i tried to jump on the countertop before it partially grabbed my foot. it did no harm.

*beep* was the hypnagogic word i remember. Soon, a movie screen at a theater was in full view showing...what else but a movie. I guess some chase was happening and the camera showed a top view (like frogger). I tried to flip the camera to first person mode which didn't word, and the car crashed. View then zoomed out to me in the theatre (finally got my dream body) but i guess the chase continued. 2 people entered the theatre shooting stuff at me. i used some sort of hook to escape.

I wanted to find my dream guide, so i kept asking around for a dream shop. I first asked a little kid who gave me some indiscernible directions and mentioned that he was funny. I gave him a high five and focused on how his hand felt to be more aware of the tangible/feeling aspect in dreams. He then told me an indiscernible joke. I asked someone older and tried to shake their hand but they tried giving me a hug...one of those awkward greetings. He said he didn't know. I asked someone else and he gave me clear directions, but I still didn't know the area well. He said he would charge me $50 to take me. I told him that I'd give him $40 if i can hop on his back and he can just fly me there. I guess he was gay because he really liked that statement, and asked, "Where did you FIND this guy?!?" to his friends who were laughing in the background. It never happened though.

I almost visited hell again. From pitch black to red flames. i saw a vague devil like looking character who was spouting gibberish and was tired of his antics so i decided to leave. I've already talked to the devil before. I tried blasting off into space which worked this time and i ended up near some ultra hot star in space near a hippopotamus. I could feel my waking breath increase and i was still LD'ing but was half awake. I wanted to free-float in space longer, but i wasn't permitted the time.

I go to some benches and see a group of ladies there. I decide I am going to fuck the hottest one there. They were all ugly, so i pointed and created a better looking girl. She bent over, and knowing my luck, I thought it would be a guy. I turn her around to see the face, and sure enough........I swear my paranoid thoughts are always fulfilled. I just said forget the fucking.

I am in bed and stupid roommate comes into room. I try telling him to GTFO but i dont want to talk to lose lucidity. I am anxiously swinging my knees side to side wide knives in my palm on my lap. Another roommate comes in and sits down. I finally scream GTFO. one of them leaves. The other one is still there, and i say, "YOU TOO". I then feel someone choking me from behind and I tell them to stop. I tell them I'm gonna fuck them up if i have to get up. I end up getting up and looking at my hands only to find that my fingers are stubs. I realize I'm dreaming and playfully beat my roommates up and fly away.

working randomly here.

I started on the concrete dancing on the blacktop. i wanted to go below the ground to go to hell to meet the devil to have a "supernatural" experience and to rid myself of fear among other things. I craved for a hint of something demonic. I elbow dropped the black top and landed hard on the pavement. i tried again where there was red cajun sprinkled on the ground which to me was a portal to hell. i elbow dropped it again and fell through into the blackness. I used my arms to propel myself lower and lower and LOWER beyond the depths of hell. There was nothing but blackness for a minute. Soon enough, i was falling from space. The direction seemed to be pulling me towards earth, but i was in the earths atmosphere floating through the dancing clouds while beautiful classical music was being played. i contained my fear of free falling the whole time while i was suspended in the air on a chair. I just let the scene play and let it takes its course until roommates woke me up.

BACKTRACK

Some girl was trying to comfort a guy who seemed stressed. He was saying how she didn't feel his pain and complaining. Another guy told me that he was a war veteran. I approached the heavy set stressed bald dude and put a hand on his shoulder and said, "i don't feel your pain or know what you've been through, but I wish you the best my man". He gave me a head nod in acknowledgment and he gave me a one armed hug. I used a two arm hug and almost squeezed the tears out of him. He pulled out his wallet and i was like, "whoa....no money needed for empathy man". And he shook his head and said, "no, here is my card.....call me". After walking outside, one of my friends (Darryl) asked for the number on the card and i refused to give it to him...probably because i felt that he wasn't "worthy" or whatever and that he specifically gave it to me for a reason, but I wish i had at least looked at the piece of paper to see what was on it, but I didn't.

BACKTRACK

I was in third person and watching the top of a tower on a (cartoon?) TV channel. I think the label said CBS and had the tag of a song (Bizzy Bone). The view scrolled from the top of the tower to the bottom quickly and it felt like an uncomfortable wild rollercoaster ride. This happened on two different towers.

FAST FORWARD (HORROR MOVIE)

I AP'ed out of my bed and decided to explore my room. Roommate wasn't there, and the apartment was completely different. I laid back down in bed paralyzed and a pitbull was at my feet and the owner called him back. This was one of the many times when i was paralyzed in bed during this one session. I felt evil spirits around me but i warded them away with my courage. After that, I decided that I was a bad ass and even more evil than them telling them that they couldn't fuck with me. There was still nothing but blackness. Then "horror" words began popping up one by one...."EVIL" "HORROR" were the only ones i can remember. Then a movie came on the screen in third person. It started in some underground place and a few people were there. This is all i can remember.

I was lucid the WHOLE time and kept looking down at my hands to perform RC's and my pinky and ring finger were only stumps. I told Makyla to look at my freaky fingers.

I exited my body without any vibrations and looked at myself on the bed. I was in the same exact position i was sleeping in, but couldn't see my face because it was dark. i decided to fly through my roof and i flew at a 45 degree angle. i didn't get far and came down to my bed where a beautiful girl was already in doggy style position waiting for me. As i was about to mount her, i slight awoke and immediately tried to slip back into my "dream" state. My hypnagogic hallucinations went from pitch black, to swirls of gray. Next think i know, I'm floating and trying to fly again but kept thinking of hell and started to descend into the grey fog which turned into blackness again. soon enough, it was red and it looked like the devil's playground with shooting flames everywhere and a castle (think bowser). There was grey mist surrounding the scene which i thought to be acid. I surfed the acidic fog like it was snow.

?????

I "face detected" (think camera) the moon with one finger to pinpoint my destination. I tried to consciously propel myself to it but it didn't happen. I tried to use my other finger to facial detect a star and swing both hands in between to propel myself there and that didn't work as well. I jumped off a building and fell on my ankles. I meet up with my troubled cousin and we ran into a group of kids. He was going to rob them but I told him that we are giving everything back. He said he was leaving and closed the door. This is when my roommates iPad *clicking* noise woke me up.

Batman wrestler is on some spinning machine and his other wrestling buddies are spinning his around with pens (don't ask). looks like one of those things you see on a kids playground. He screams he has had enough but they keep spinning him. These wrestlers are reckless and are comedic. I did not have a dream body once again.

With mom, sister and brother in car. Sister asks mom for gas money since she is "paying for the trip". says it is $172. Mom gives her money but says that she doesn't see why she should since Hector is fine (the person who we visited). We drive. We see Jamal outside. He asks mom if he can work out his chest and shoulders today. Mom says no. Mom almost runs over my cousin Jamal. I give a "WTF" shocked face. Sister is talking crap to my brother. Brother is restraining himself. I give a one arm trapezius massage to my brother to calm him down.

Third person. Two guys sitting at a table with a crapload of weed, edibles included.

guy 1: NICE! -reaches for weed-

guy 2: NO! Boss said we have to sell our share before we even take any!

they end up smoking it.

i feel intoxicated in my third person view. Walls start to shift and i see faces in the wall. Although i already feel intoxicated without a body, i refuse to take the marijuana for unknown reasons.

i believe my body spawns here, and the guys disappear. I hear a voice with a strong presence talking to me about my decision and my life. He says something along the lines of "weed gives you good ideas, but you need to DO." i get this sudden urge of motivation and start doing a combination of front flips and cartwheels as he says, "GO FOR IT". I get so in the moment that i feel that i am about to tear from the adrenaline. I walk back to the house.

Third-person P.O.V shows a kid about 8 or 9 who is in some ghetto place of Africa. There are several floors laid with loose old bricks. The kid does crazy and dangerous life-threatening stunts. He says he does these stunts because he pretty much has nothing to live for. After he says that, the view ascends up the brick landscape slowly. As it gets onto the higher levels, a series of miniature skeletons appear on the rugged and dirty brick floor. As we ascend, the skeletons get much smaller. These are the skeletons of impoverished human beings. I now understood why the kid never cared if he lost his life doing those crazy stunts. I felt an overwhelming sense of sympathy and felt sorry for the kid.

I am chillin with some friends in a parking lot. Out of the crowd, i remember Sean, Tim, and possibly Billy being there. Sean spots a car and wants to jack it, but Tim insists that we jack the Honda. We get inside and drive who knows where.

Transition to being outside in the third person point of view. Some girl with a bun in her hair is spying but running from a couple of girls (One of them is Brittini) at the same time because they were cannibal traffickers. She keeps almost getting caught, hiding behind brick walls and bushes and barely avoiding their gaze. Some other innocent girl (Emily) runs into the screen and is in their plain sight but is cutting corners and running. Cut scene.

Transition to me in a room alone with my "friends". I now realized that they try to get rapport with you and gain your trust, convince you they are their friends and make you feel comfortable, only to make you vulnerable and turn around to sell your body to cannibals. I don't let them know that I know this. They leave the house and leave me alone there. I try to devise a plan to fuck them all up (don't know why i didn't just run away). As someone enters the door, i line up a haymaker to his jaw as he cuts the corner. It is my roommate who i am very close with so i end up not doing it. Later on, i end up awakening to my roommate actually going to use the bathroom in waking life and i act like i'm sleeping but keep a close eye on him because i think that he wants my body for protein.

Transition to me running outside planning my escape now. Some guy in a truck seems suspicious as if he was paid to keep an eye on me. He turns his head, sees me, and starts trying to follow me, but his clumsy ass crashes.

i am in bed with a very heavyset woman. She is on top of me and is kissing me with slightly stinky breath. Her much slimmer but thick sister is in the kitchen behind the counter watching us. My attempt to make her jealous works and she comes to the edge of the bed. i take her hand and gently pull her towards the bed to invite her. She stands on the bed and tells her sister to, "get her fat ass away" or something of that nature. I take her body in my arms and feel her silk robe. I put her on her back while some creepy music plays on the radio which makes me kind of uneasy, but it eventually gets a little less creepy and more sensual. i moan and give a "mmmmmm" sound and i pick her up and feel the lightness of her body ripe for domination. She rides me for a second only, and literally twists my dick. As she exited, i see my penis is unshapely. I try to crack it back in place.....and it cracks but never goes back in place. I say whatever and try to continue. Something happens and she leaves the room in a rage and locks me in it. I turn around and look on the wall to see the nutritional facts of myself on a poster. I realize i am in a holding cell and I am not the only person they have done this to....I am probably being sold to cannibals. This leads me to my next dream.

I am alone in a giant movie theatre with seats that are facing different directions. For some reason, i sat at a seat facing away from the screen and turned my neck to watch whatever it was....it felt comfortable at the time. I go below to the "help yourself refreshments" and spill water all over the place.

I am apart of some group dance going on on stage. I am reluctant and shy because it is improvised, but the other dancers cheer me on. As the split dancers emerge together coming from both sides, i start to get my groove on and come out of my shell. I end up really getting in the mood and doing flips and handstand push-ups. The group dancers were trying to hold me back and tell me that I am doing too much and that it is a GROUP dance, not an individual show off type of routine. Whatever. I keep doing my thing and disregard these fools.

I probably have trouble picking out what I am going to wear for church. I end up going shirtless. It's been a while since i've been there and i notice that I am different from the people there. Since I am shirtless, i start to get cold. I am slightly embarrassed and try to save face by walking out and going downstairs. I see some kids in the basement of the church and i either give them gifts or play with them. My mom ends up cooking there and plenty of less fortunate kids keep asking if they can have some of her food. She tells them that they are more than welcome to take whatever they want. From soda to turkey.