SquillTwin

In my living room, there are a bunch of flat blue cards on the ground. Upon closer inspection, they are cutouts of old nickelodeon cartoon characters. My mom is sitting in a nearby chair. She watches me, and I suddenly understand that these are supposed to be some sort of gift.

Yippee skippee, mom.

I start rifling through the cards, and my mom gets that I don't really like them. She asks, "What's wrong with them?"

"Crap," I think. "You're treading on thin ice here, William." "Ummm, what are they supposed to be?" I ask.

"They are collector's items!" She says. "They will-"

Suddenly my choir director, Nina (see Music is Life) bursts through the door, hands me a box of Ritz crackers, says, "Here you go!" then runs out.

I put the crackers in the cupboard and head further into the kitchen. There are four girls sitting on the floor. The have what looks like spaghetti sauce all over their mouths. "What have you been eating?" I ask.

The all reply, "Miranda."

WTF?????

I grab one of my blue cartoon cards and open it. I pour out some sort of spanish rice on my green plate. There is only one bean in the whole thing.

One girl cries, "Ew! That's just starch and beans!"