TheWatcher

Morning 4:
This morning I decided to give it another go. My wife was getting up early to go to work so I figured that would be a good time to try again to see if I get better results while in bed alone. She got up about 5:30am so I took the 2 pills of Lucid Dreamer and 1 pill of L-Theanine. I laid in bed sorta snoozing until she left around 6:00am. I am successfully keeping calm-ish instead of being too excited like usual. Falling asleep actually takes a long time still, even though I feel relaxed and calm. The dog jumps up on the bed but is pretty quiet so I let her stay. I put in ear-plugs to block out the jets and the traffic of the morning. They are uncomfortable (I need to buy different ones) so I end up taking them out. I kind of roll around and snooze a bit but no actual sleep until 7am....

Before, while I'm attempting to go to sleep, about an hour into it (6:30am) I am messing around with shifting my awareness, as mentioned in this book: Amazon.com: Astral Projection And the Nature of Reality: Exploring the Out-of-body State (9781571744470): John Magnus: Books. It is actually working pretty good and is helping me remove focus away from my breathing and my body. I kind of make my awareness wander around the house, which I think was pretty easy due to the pills being at their peak.

At some point I do fall asleep and dream about having to blow up some mountain. It's all kinda fuzzy like my dreams are normally, but then I kind of stop and look at this mountain. I notice that it looks familiar and realize I'm laying down and looking at this mountain (which is more like a hill with a steep face). The hill had a couple buildings on top, sort of like an observatory but I don't recognize them as that in the dream. I start scanning the hill with my vision from right to left. As I look towards the left, the hill keeps going further than it was supposed to and I see a lone oak tree at the top. I try to focus on the tree, much like mentioned in "The Art of Dreaming" (at least that's what I was thinking). As I'm scanning the hill from right to left, everything starts coming into focus. As I look at the tree, I get the feeling that I want to fly towards it or teleport to it, but as I'm thinking that, the whole seen get's super vivid and in-focus. As I mentioned, my head is laying down so as I'm looking at this tree, it all fades away and I wake up. That was maybe at an 8 for vividness, which is pretty awesome compared to normal.

I look at the clock and it's almost 7. I roll over and try to get back to sleep for another hour before having to wake up for work. Now starts the sleep paralysis, finally! It happens almost exactly as last time, loud noise and colors in front of my eyes. Same thing happens, it sorta slows down but then I force it ahead so it gets more intense. Then it stops and I start trying to get up. (Side-tangent note: my dad mentioned to me last week that he doesn't really feel anything in the house except in my back guest bedroom. Nothing negative but something none the less. This is in my mind as something to investigate next time I am able to "get up") As a means to combat the SP fear, since my wife isn't there, I'm not sure what I will see, so I start picturing myself as Neo from The Matrix. So when I get up, I sort of lift myself up and roll over the dog off the side of the bed. It's getting light outside so my room is actually light and I can see, which is different than the last couple times I was in SP. I have a samurai sword in my hand, so I am not affraid. I don't see or hear anything in my room, so I go to investigate the other room. When I get in the other room, it looks kind of like my bed is in there but with a lot of crap piled around (this is more of a storage room anyway so there is crap, but there is more of it now). The room is a lot lighter than my room so I can see better. I don't see anything bad but for some reason I just start hacking stuff up with my sword (whatever was there is probably scared or pissed off now, great!). I see on the bedspread that there is dust and debris from the stuff I hacked up. As I look at it, I am able to focus on it and the whole scene suddenly becomes really vivid. Then it fades and I am back in bed.

I don't think that was the first time I got up but that is by far the one that sticks out. I think I walked around the house a bit before that one but don't remember the details. Anyway, after that I thought I woke up but it was a false-awakening. I get up again but don't remember what I did, I think I went into the room again. Then I was back in bed again. I opened my eyes and looked at my dog because it felt like she was shaking a little bit. As I looked at her, I noticed she was facing a different way, and she wasn't shaking but the whole room was, pretty violently. I thought I was awake and there was an earthquake (I like in California, so it could've been), but I close my eyes and it subsides and I have another false-awakening. As I was laying there about to "get up" again, suddenly I felt and heard someone directly behind me. It made me jump and suddenly I was paralysed and panicking again. It wasn't as bad as last time, I was actually trying to "get up" in the dream so I could face whatever it was, the problem being that I couldn't move and this person was talking directly behind my ear. Same thing happened as last time and all I could do is grunt and then finally woke up.

I kicked myself because once again, I felt like my subconscious was messing with me in the guise of my wife, because it was her voice that I heard. And I realized that after I woke up, she was literally saying "Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah." as if she was telling me something but it was all in "blah-blah". I laid there laughing and a little frustrated, thinking that my subconscious is really trying to hold me back.

I feel like I am making progress but wish I could do this without the pills. At least the pills are helping me to get used to the sensations and do a little exploring in the meantime while I work on the non-drug induced WILD's.