Threxer

This "dream" actually began nearly half a year ago now; every other night I fall asleep whenever I can and I awake in the dream, aged 18 (currently 16) I then proceed to decide upon whatever it is for that night: Will I study further in my life? Will I go into laboring? Will I choose to just drift around traveling? Each time I choose differently. Then for nearly exactly 2 hours, the consequences of that decision play out before me, the entire lifetime of experiences. Honestly, if the dreams ended there I might even consider it a blessing to be presented with such interesting stories. However, the dreams always seem to catch/tear from what I'd consider reasonable- I've never finished one of these dreams without losing at least one person I love in that "life". Whether it be accident, illness or suicide they die. This usually leads to me having minor panic attacks when i wake up and being generally depressed.
I'd like to be able to either stop the death and misfortune in the dreams or it entirely. Any advice would be appreciated.