tickleberries

I had a terrible dream. The gist of it, last night, was that I had the illusion of being incredibly tall and yet no one else could see that I was tall. In the entire dream, I was unable to walk properly, things were so unbalanced, and I could barely even sit in a chair. It got progressively worse toward the end of my dream where I started falling on the floor and could not seem to stand. My balance was so terrible and it felt like I was almost coming out of my skin.

Then, my husband woke me in real life. I got out of bed feeling terribly weak and unable to think straight. I felt like my body wasn't proportioned correctly. The rest of the day, until I took a nap, I was completely miserable and uncomfortable. It is hard to explain but it was as if my body was a suit and I had it on wrong. Gosh! That sounds weird, I know. It was such a weird day.

I was in a large open place, indoors but very big. It had people there and on one side as I walked, there were small creatures, starving. I didn't recognize most of them as children. They looked like animals around the size of dogs or cats, some were bigger, some smaller. They were all suffering. They were dying. Somehow, they were starving and could no longer move because of weakness, just on the edge of death. I kept wondering, "Can I help them in time?" In my hand I carried a bit of food, just a bit. It was some sort of meat. I begin to tear it into pieces. I came to the first creature and gave it a piece. It got stronger. I kept going to each creature in turn. They were stronger and begin to leave. Then, I got to the last 3 creatures. I recognized them. They were human babies. They could not eat meat. I knew this. I could only take one under my arm and had to leave. I found myself wondering about this large place. I think I was lost. Suddenly, I realized I had lost the infant. It had slipped away. I was frantic, retracing my steps. That ended the dream.

I woke up early last night and decided to sit in a chair. I just sat there, quite tired, but with my eyes closed. These little things started happening without my trying to dream them up. I would see various, I don't know what you call them, little sketches of people doing things. I suppose I was in between dream and wake or something. I wasn't sure if I was aware in these little plays but I could open my eyes and remember them. Then, I would close my eyes, wait a bit and it would happen again. I tried to visualize myself, just standing there. The next thing I know was that I started doing stuff without making myself. But it was so easy just to open my eyes. It wasn't like daydreaming or thinking. It ran on its own. It wasn't clear like a dream but more fuzzy. I wish I could explain it more. I tried to detect whether I was lucid in them. I must have been since I was trying to notice my awareness in them. But somehow, if I tried to hard, they would burst.

Last night, I was dreaming about seeing a cat. It was a very large cat, pretty colors, kinda like caramel, white, and almost strawberry colors. It was left out from someone's home who no longer wanted the cat. I felt sorry for it and layed next to it. I realized that this was a mama cat and she had milk. I wondered where the kittens were or whether they were dead. I took the cat into my house alone with my 3 cats that lived with me. (In reality, I have only 1 cat). I bathed the giant cat, soaped her up, rinsed her, gave her food, led her to the litter box which was terribly tiny for a creature as large as she. She was a very gentle and relaxed cat who did not want to leave my side.

Anyway, I also dreamed that I was trying to have a lucid dream. This wasn't a lucid dream but I wanted to have a lucid dream in the dream. Well, I must be closer.

Last night, I did have a dream, or was it early morning? I'm not sure. I'm really going crazy wanting a lucid dream, but I had another of my terrible husband dreams instead. I keep getting those. Don't know why. He really isn't THAT terrible!

Joe, my husband, refused to pay a bill in the dream, and I was so mad that I started attacking him. I actually bit him, and just went crazy! I bit his lip hard. I bit his arm. I demanded that he apolygize. LOL. He refused! Man, was I mad! Funny thing is, he woke me up this morning and I was still ready to do some damage. He couldn't understand why I was staring him down! Of course, I'm a bit more calm in my waking life, so, no cops were involved. Just kidding. He was like "What'd I do?" It did take me an hour or so to not feel the anger I felt in my dream. Isn't it funny how real those dreams can be? You can get confused upon waking.

Now, my first lucid that I actually was able to make happen was about a week ago. I looked around in my dream and suddenly, not sure how, I was aware! I started jumping up and down! "Yay, I'm in a dream" I think that is what I said but something along those lines. I was too excited! I woke up! "Oh man!"

Now, I am still working on it. I think that the next one I get, I will try and keep calm.