Whaledreamer

My reality checking lately has had me considering 'if this were a dream what would I do next?'...

Last night I had EPIC dreams...

One dream was lucid... but not. I was not aware I was dreaming, but I was also on huge trip the entire dream thinking to myself if this were a dream I would do this and proceeded to do exactly that each time, without realising that, hey I am dreaming!

Another dream I was in a telephone booth and each of its walls were distorted panels that were each member in my family. As I looked at each they stopped moving and clarified into perfect pictures. That's pretty deep because I recently have accepted the difficult fact of who they are.

Another dream I was comforting a long line of terminally ill patients.

The next I had gone ahead and studied nursing like I once wanted to and it was my first day on the job, but I was also a patient in the same ward.

The rest of the night was massive and I cant put things into words!!!
The theme seemed to be resolution. Very deep and meaningful. The night before last was strange too, I usually remember my dreams, but that night I was blank, very rare.

Calea Z usually has zero effect on me. Mugwort now and again produces epic dreams that go on and on. I had both last nite.

Had terrible day yesterday. Tired and emotional, just wanting to give up. So I ask my subconcious to release the pain of the past. Give me a break at least. Just before I woke up this morning I hear, clear as a bell a song twice sung in a falsetto voice "and if you smile you can break out the fuel to my brain". Good dreams last nite too!

A few years ago I had the most awesome ride with my dream guide. I started the dream feeling really troubled, the next thing I know I am in the sky and this amazing flying oriental dragon cross shaggy creature from the Never ending story looks down at me with this huge grin. I am flying next to him and have this incredible feeling of peace I never could have believed existed. He had these huge flappy ears and had a white coat like a shaggy wolf hound. I'll never forget that dream. I'm not sure I believe in astral travel, but if I did I just met the coolest dude around to hang out with!

Fragment
Not sure what the rest of the dream content was... moret memorable was looking in the reflect of a sliding door and deciding to summon a dream character. I flipped through 5 people in the reflection before I chose one to walk out of the reflection and be real.

Dream
An epic and exhausting dream about an end of world apocalypse where I was constantly on the run from near miss death experiences... Dodging falling debris as earthquake brought down city sky scrapers. There was a cloud of strictnine (what ever that is?) that was toxic and was eating up the east of the city. It was fast spreading to me. I was in a car with other survivors and we were fleeing the cloud.

Soon we came a cross a wide river and some of us gave up hope. I managed to cross the river with 5 others as the cloud killed everyone else on the other side of the river we crossed. We become cornered and 5 of the survivors take cyanide pills and suicide. I am left with a girl to meet our ends.

As we are about to die we teleport to a kitchen where the girls mother is cooking something. The girl and I have a conversation, but suddenly I share the girls thoughts. She groans in despair, realising she has teleported back 7 years in her life to a time when she was locked in the house considered insane. I now share her mothers thoughts and what she see. She sees her daughter raving into thin air when talking to me.

Fragment
Surfing massive waves and eagerly walking with a fishing rod to the end of the pier to fish... but I get frustrated because I never get there and really want to catch a fish.

I did a wake back to bed. I was kept up for an hour searching for the part where I doze off and enter dreamland. Its a sneaky little bugger that one. I was sure I was still awake as often on the verge of sleep with closed eyes I start to see faces of people that aren't there, but can open them and I am not asleep.

So this time I open my eyes and look into my hands. There is a screen in my palms and I am watching weird faces of people I have never met. Nothing strange there! I am seeing the normal assortment of random faces. So I watch for a while and start to release its a wee bit odd that they are being shown on a screen in my hands, as opposed to the darkness of my closed eyes.

Last night I was reading up on yelling "clarity!". I decided to test if this really was a dream. "Clarity!" I yell. For three seconds every thing become clearer. WTF! it actually works! I do it several more times and in my excitement wake up. I did try to hang onto the lucidity by trying to just accept what was going on as normal, but it was a bit too late and I slipped from the dream.

Later I have a dream about a violent lightning storm the we retreat to in a cave. It doesn't work and the lightning is zig zagging round the corners of the cave from the sky outside. It hits people and they disappear.

I like the dreams I have of storms, earthquakes and volcanic eruptions. They give me a rush. I hate the ones about Tsunami though. I always am rushing for high ground, find a tree or boulder to chain myself to then am left waiting in suspense for the wave, all the time wondering if it would be a good time to find higher ground, or if I did would the wave come and drag me into the ocean because I wasn't chained to an anchor. Then when the wave comes its like being in a washing machine and I am fighting the ocean that want to tear me off my anchor and kill me.

My earliest dream when I was about 4 was about me (no surprises there). I was in a hospital bed sick and unable to move or talk. My family consisting of my mother, father and sister are at the foot of my bed. At the head is a nurse who is the embodiment of evil. Next the bed and I am in an elevator. The evil nurse is with me and my family are slipping away as the elevator descends from them. I am terrified. I cant speak, cant plead for my family to save me.

Fast forward to my teen years. I am in a family religion of birth that demands I bow down to indoctrination, declare the outside world as evil and live by a strict code I have had hammered into me all my life. But I cant. Its not me. Its a miserable existence I wont live and because of this my family abandon me and what ever I speak to them they twist round in their religious denial to make me feel guilt. There is nothing I can say that will overcome their stupid religious denial. To them I am the embodiment of evil, an excommunicated disbeliever.

If there is one thing I can say to anyone reading this it is to NEVER allow anyone to guilt load you for being You!

Reading another person dream journal about a bush of gloves made me remember a fragment of a dream several weeks old. There is this mad bush. Instead of leaves it has thick leather gloves. Its braches are like wooden poles. They are going round and round like a conveyer belt gone crazy! It terrifies me. Is it common to dream of bushes with gloves as leaves? What might it represent?

I am in a play about to begin, but suddenly we realise I was sick for all rehersals and only know what to say, not how why or when. It is decided I am better suited to the ticket box, however I get there and there is ahuge que waiting. I realise there are no tickets made and IMPORTANT have to design and print them first. I wake up really annoyed and frustrated.