Dragging my Mind Over the Gap Between Is's

Wednesday, June 15th

III. Lucid #9: “An Experimental Experiment”

Unknown locale and situation bring me to this point. Memory picks up as I suddenly find myself left alone with A.D. It is quite dark in the room but I can still see. She gives me the smile I haven’t seen in years, we both lean in and begin kissing. The feeling is vividly familiar, I feel a rush and as she thrusts her waist against me I come almost instantly. The orgasm in the dream is very intense. Suddenly her shirt is off and I can see that my sticky fluid has gotten on her chest. I start thinking about what to do about that and hoping she won’t notice that I’ve blown it this early. To my surprise she begins telling me how sexy she thinks cum and blood and snot are; how she wants to be covered in it. She talks to me more vulgar than she ever did when we were together in physical reality, telling me to fuck the shit out of her etc over and over again. She puts my penis between her breasts, expecting me to do something rough. Surprised and upset, I stop what I’m doing and almost begin crying; there is none of the love and tenderness there used to be, only a nymphomaniac type hunger for obscene sexual gratification. She responds to this by walking over to another man who is suddenly now in the room and fellating him emphatically. I don’t feel particularly jealous, only slightly awkward about being in my first threesome and it being with another man, and it being with my ex lover. She cares nothing for this. She briefly knocks our dicks together and begins walking away.

I find myself and the unknown man following her through some woods, with many broken down amusement park rides randomly scattered in the trees. She tells me that we’re going to go “walk on the rides.” I see she now has some shorts on and I am still naked. Unknown voices soon begin telling me how this is an “experimental experiment” to get herself alone with me. However as we come to the bottom of a hill, Batman and Robin come dashing out from behind something and I run from them on sight. A more menacing voice tells me that this is actually an “experimental experiment” to get me to leave, which I do.

Next I remember I find my way back to a large room filled with bleachers of different species of humanoid spectators with many different colors of flesh and facial features. Everybody seems afraid, suddenly A.D comes running back in and throws herself into the arms of yet another man, yet again unfamiliar but I do remember him having short blond hair and sideburns. They begin kissing each other hard.

I wake from this soon after, only for a second with a T-shirt over my physical eyes so I awake to complete darkness. Falling back asleep a moment later, I drop back into the dream, this time fully Lucid. There are wide, elaborately decorated hallways back to the room I intuitively know contains her and all the spectators, and some people on benches observe me. The walls are purple or blue and bejeweled in spots. I decide (quite impulsively) to try to fly into this room and confront her. I focus on the doorway and try to superman-fly over there. I had been quite unprepared to become lucid again. I make it not quite halfway to the door before the dream dissolves into yet another false awakening, I am suddenly being led down very narrow, dank and bizarre looking corridors by hooded figures that are short and hunched over. Their heads are covered and their faces are not visible. The entire landscape is made up of discs piled one on another, getting smaller toward the top forming pancake-like pyramids. I see that the path I’m on continues far upward and I can see another place to land high above me. I decide to attempt to fly, again, and this time I don’t recall even making it off the ground.

I wake up to find that when I had an orgasm in the dream I also had one in physical reality and I will have to clean myself off. I am now feeling as if this was some sort of test, which I have inarguably failed.

Wednesday, June 15th

II. “We Know Each Other”

Yet another party dream, at a house that I do not believe exists. I am decently sure that my parents are sleeping upstairs as this goes on, and at certain points I become concerned about the level of noise and the amount of people – evidently it’s a party I’m running in a house that I live in.

I do not remember the chronology, but I can go by location. Out on the porch there was a joint passed to me that a few other people had been smoking, and later on I have one of my own that I return the favor with by passing back to them (a small group of girls that I think exist physically). At another point I become upset, specifically I think at Sean, about the amount of beer cans that are strewn about the porch floor. I begin picking them up and throwing them away, emptying out the soldiers. I have thoughts about abandoning the party and going to bed as I often do when faced with these situations.

Inside: I walk into a room and see K.G on the couch. We recognize each other and I give him a hug, genuinely glad to see him. After that I see E.H sitting on another seat and he is glad to see me too. He tells me I have a cool alarm clock in my room, and motions to a nearby downstairs bedroom. I tell him it is actually S.B's room and intuitively know this – also a picture of the alarm clock that S.B owns (in the dream, not physically) appears in my head. It is tall and cylindrical and the time scrolls across it. As he begins talking to me more he starts to shake nervously, as does another person, identity now forgotten, sitting to his left. Somebody I do not recognize walks by laughing and comments on how funny it is watching us attempt to communicate.

I am sure this is the last thing to happen in this part of the dream – a large group of girls walks past me, consisting I believe of some girls from my high school, the type I could not stand. Their tans are unnaturally dark and their voices high and obnoxious. After that I run into M.C.C and a blond girl who I don’t believe exists but in the dream I know is named Emily. I go to give M.C.C a hug but she seems nervous. I say to her reassuringly “We know each other.” She leaves quickly. "Emily", however, proceeds to tell me that she loves me, we are soulmates, etc and at this point I am incredulous and the scene begins dissolving.

Thinking I have woken up, I begin thinking about writing this dream down. However it is a false awakening and I am in another unknown place. I believe the walls are all glass windows. I finally decide, for some reason, to write on something that looks like S.B's couch/beirut table. Noticing that it’s too big, I decide to break it down. I’m suddenly outside and it’s stilted on either end, the middle over open air. I hit it with something to break it in half. It does, but I look over and I believe Z.A is looking at me disapprovingly; I am doing this in an unsafe way. I keep taking the halves and trying to break them down the middle again and as I’m doing this the form of the object continually changes. By the time he comes over and starts telling me how to do it I am looking at a hollow green thin plastic piano. I wake up right around here.

Wednesday, June 15th

I. “First Time You’ve Been Called”

Dream memory begins here: We are about to play the Patsy show, only we are doing it in a parking lot greatly resembling the one on Oleander Drive in Wilmington, NC where the Tidal Creek market is in. Not only this but C.I will be directing the band from around a corner about 20 feet away. I see only her head poke out from behind a corner at the start of each tune. From the moment the overture counts off I am extremely uncomfortable and playing very poorly. My movements are sluggish and I cannot determine why. Soon it begins raining quite hard and, fearing electrocution as well as for the safety of my equipment I stop playing and start to move under a nearby awning. As I turn around to see if anybody has followed I hear B.R begin playing “I Fall the Pieces” and think to myself “well, I guess we are still going”. I run over and quickly turn my amp off, plug back in and turn it on to avoid making the popping noise. I do this just in time to start playing the doubled bassline part, which of course I am fucking up royally. I also see that B.R has moved to be in the line of sight of C.I, and wondering why that wasn’t done in the first place I begin trying to follow him and play at the same time. A man with a thick southern drawl comes over and tells me something to the effect of “you guys better start delivering, those people over there are laughing at you. They think this is the first time you’ve ever been called."

Next thing I know I’m in a store and I see H.B, who has gotten heavier and works there. I do not know why but beforehand somebody had just asked jokingly if anybody had S.A’s phone number. I knew that I did but, as was the case the previous night in physical reality, I had left my phone back at the house. Heather smiles at me and says, “I was watching you.” “It rained…” I mumble, searching for a polite way to say that I know the performance had been complete shit. “Naw, it was good,” she says, as people often say (in objective falsehood) after such incidents.

Another employee of the store tells me that S.B has recently purchased a large amount of paint in my name, after reaching the limit that he can buy on his own name. It annoys me that he has done so. B.R says something like “He’d probably get a pretty decent payoff that way.” I awaken soon after this.