Two troubling dreams

[calico]

This post is a bit long. This is the first time I've posted on this forum. I hope I've done everything right. I would really appreciate help on these dreams, because these dreams cause me very much distress. I have been having two recurring dreams for the past seven-eight months. They are both sexual in nature. In the first recurring dream, I cheat on my boyfriend (now of a year and a couple months) with either a stranger or two acquaintances of mine (not at the same time). I am always disgusted with myself in the dreams. I'm fairly certain I've never enjoyed any of these dreams. The most recent dream like this involved a man I know. We were both naked (though I don't remember kissing him/doing anything else with him) and he had an extremely long penis. The top of it became flacid and folded over, but the base was still hard. I looked at it and thought "What am I doing?" and then another woman (naked) came into view and the dream suddenly changed. I woke up after I kissed an ex. Perhaps I should also note that I have never had a sex dream about my boyfriend. That said, I love my boyfriend more than anything, and our sex life is good; however, I suppose I should say that I have not had an orgasm since we have started dating. This, of course, causes me much frustration. The second recurring dream involves women. Most often I dream that my best (girl) friend makes advances on me (she is a lesbian in real life). I have also had dreams with other women. The most recent dream I have had with my best friend happened last night. We were in the bedroom I grew up in as a child, and we were talking on the phone. I said something sexual in nature, I don't remember what, but maybe details about the sex I have with my boyfriend. She then said she wanted to "be in me." Then my boyfriend and a friend of ours entered our room. They were handcuffed together and they started kissing, and for some reason, I joined in. In the last dream(s), I do not feel particularly disgusted. But I do when I wake up and remember these dreams. In waking life, I am not a lesbian. I find some women very attractive, but I don't want to bed them.

[deadcafe]

You need to talk to him. You are unsatisfied sexually not emotionally. Help him help you.

[blackbirdrising]

I wouldn't feel ashamed about sex dreams even if they involve someone who you're not with. Take away the "sexuality" of sex, and it is all about exchange and fulfilling a need. Being in a bathroom might represent the need to feel clean, or get clean. It's where we get rid of waste/wash off the dirt. You kept saying you felt ashamed about the first dream, which might explain why you had the bathroom setting in the second one. Having an orgasm doesn't solidify a relationship, but I know your frustration. I was married for 17 years to someone who didn't know how to give me one/didn't care if I had one. Which made me nothing but thankful for the miracle of finally having one (or more) when I was reunited with my high school sweetheart after 20 years But when I think about that, I realize that there was only one difference in the bad relationship I was in, and the good one I'm in now. That is being honest. When I settled for less in 1995, and married someone I knew I didn't completely "like" even though I loved being with him, it led to a spiral of years of self hatred, depression, loneliness, and me carrying the weight of all of it. Honesty (starting with being honest with yourself) leads to trusting (yourself and your partner), which allows complete intimacy. I'm not talking about trusting someone to be faithful - because that's not an issue when you truly take care of each other. I'm talking about trusting yourself, releasing any guilt you have over your own past, and someone being able to accept you completely as you are. When you get there, you feel open to explore, and that can be a great experience - especially in regards to sex. I wish you nothing but the best.