Killing spree followed by suicide.

[Circa]

I haven't posted in a while although I have been lurking the forums. The reason I decided to post again was because I had a really disturbing dream the other night and I wanted to hear your opinion/interpretation of it. I was on a large boat, not quite as big as a cruise ship, but there were plenty of bedrooms and it was quite populated. I can't really remember the beginning of the dream, but at some point I got my hands on a fully loaded pistol and for some reason, one by one, I started to shoot and kill everyone on the boat. Nobody really put up a fight and a few people were running, but besides that it was calm for the situation at hand. Each kill was one shot to the head and I saw the blood and occasionally blown out brains clearly. I have no idea why I was doing this, there were no thoughts besides aiming and shooting going through my mind. I guess at some point I figured I was satisfied and went to the back of the boat where I planned to shoot myself in the head. I stood on the railing and leaned backwards, pulling the trigger as I fell into the water. I was still alive. So I reloaded(still underwater) and pressed the gun under my chin and pulled the trigger. Still alive. I did this about two more times until I realized something wasn't right. I climbed back onto the boat and checked the magazine to see if I had any ammo left and I was out. There were still two people alive, the captain and some other important fellow. I asked one of them if he could help me find a bullet and he had no problem searching for me. He found a few of them in the crack between a seat cushion so I took the one that I needed and headed back to where I tried to shoot myself earlier. I was standing on the edge ready to lean backwards and that's the last thing I remember. I don't know if i did shoot myself or not, but I know there was an ending to the dream that I can't recall and I didn't just wake up as I was standing there. I've never had any dreams like this before. I've killed people in my dreams before, but only those that were justified, these people were all innocent. I have never had any suicidal thoughts before, but I do have depression. There's been a lot of shootings and such going on in and around my area lately, that might possibly have something to do with it. After I woke up I felt really depressed for most of the day and kept thinking about the scene. If anyone has any idea or has had a similar experience I'll listen to whatever you have to say. Thanks, Circa

[blackbirdrising]

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said, "there's been a lot of shootings going on in my area lately". Your conscious mind is hurting and wants to know why (everyone does). The subconscious mind tries to help you by giving you scenarios. The boat being on the water - water always deals with love, or the lack of it, and how we need it/deal with loss. You and these people were on a boat floating in the water. So, surrounded by love but not feeling it, except you because you fell in it. That's because you (in real life) didn't get shot, you had to witness the senseless killing, in a way - thanks to the media.Being against the rail of the ship, might say how you felt "cornered, or with no where to go to escape what happened". Its OK to grieve even if you didn't know the people personally. When names and faces are thrown in your face - like with the victims of the school shootings (or any murder), they become personal. I had to stay off of Facebook for days to avoid the emotional rape caused by those memorial pics that never ended for like, a week. The captain and the "other important person" were trying to help you, and I'm sure the bullet they scrounged from the seat cushion represented the act of "allowing you to deal with it and go on".

[Circa]

Thanks for the response blackbirdrising! I'm no expert on dream interpretation, but I am an expert of my own mind. I agree with you about the water representing love and how I was the only one feeling it and everyone else was surrounded by it, but wasn't accepting it so to say. Not to sound rude or unsympathetic, but I don't think my mind was too affected by the shootings to the point where it would create this scenario to deal with this situation. I've lived in an area my whole life where where murder and losing people you know or have seen is almost a weekly thing. I've come to deal with it better and better over the years, I just had a feeling that this dream was explaining something on a more personal level.

[Superman1]

The large boat was you afloat in the sea of life, maybe getting away from it all, populated with personal aspects of yourself, which you started to calmly kill the thoughts of, as if not knowing the reason. You had no thoughts, so it seems you were emotional, reactionary. Parts of you put up a fight and a few parts were running. Satisfied after that, you went to the back, more private, hidden part of you, to finish your self or your thoughts off. You made a stand and went backwards. Interesting you let yourself fall first, instead of shooting which would then make you fall. Indicating you fell over the edge first which was like half killing yourself. No wonder you were still alive, shooting yourself underwater, under the surface. You tried twice more before you realized you were out of ammo - See? You were out of ammo or motive. You did not really want to kill yourself. Jumping and then pulling the trigger is almost like hanging yourself without the rope. There were still two parts of you alive, the captain in control of yourself on this strange journey, and some other important aspect of you - maybe just your self value ~ so had no problem helping you find the means. This part of you found the ammo hidden where you sat, and you returned to the edge but I think it's the last thing you remember because it's the last thing that happened pertaining to the meaning. What happened after probably had no bearing on the meaning or was just your after-thoughts or contemplation of doing it. But you never did it. You never wanted to kill your main self. ========================================== Killing these people in your dreams was justified - at least to you. Or you wouldn't have done it. These people were all unjust or guilty or bad parts of you that you wanted out the way. The reason that wasn't clear fits with why you didn't know why you were killing them - probably an emotional outburst where you were not using your thinking. Now it's explained why after you woke up you felt really depressed for most of the day.