Recurring dreams about my girlfriend

[theywillappear]

First the past week or two I've been having dreams that have common themes that involve my girlfriend. There are three different dreams that stick out the most so I will give an explanation of each. 1. I dreamed that I broke up with my girlfriend, and then I was in a restaurant that I would frequent as a child. As I was walking to a table, I saw my girlfriend sitting with two other guys who were hugging and kissing on her. I spoke to them, but I can't remember what I said. 2. The next dream was a little more bizarre. It took place in a dimly lit bedroom. In this dream I was about to have sex with a friend of mine, and no sooner than we began my girlfriend walked in. She wasn't angry, but instead seemed totally fine with it. A few doors down from the room I was in, my girlfriend was having sex with a guy who she kissed in real life a few months after we started dating. 3. I had this last dream this morning before I woke up. It took place in the same house as the last dream, but it was a lot brighter. I entered the living room and I saw my girlfriend talking with another guy. Nothing was going on, but I felt like I had caught them in the act. I remember feeling very angry- screaming, yelling, and right before I was going to hit the unknown guy, I woke up. Normally these dreams wouldn't worry me this much, but the fact that I've had them within days after each other is a little unsettling. The emotions I felt during them were extremely intense. I felt crushed, guilty, betrayed, angry and confused. I am not trying to turn this in to a relationship advice thread, but I would like to have a better understanding of why I keep having them. Since I've been having these I'm starting to worry that she may be cheating. She is friends with a co-worker (I've known this guy for years) who is known for getting with his friends girlfriends. She used to claim she didn't want anything to do with him, but now she talks about him constantly and tells me how much she "gets" him now. Knowing his history, and knowing that she did kiss another guy while we were together worries me. As for the restaurant scenario and the instance where we were both sleeping with other people, I haven't a clue. Any ideas? Thanks!

[JoannaB]

Consider that maybe you did not start worrying that she is cheating with the coworker because of the dreams, but rather you started having these dreams because you were already worried that she is cheating. Jealousy is a powerful emotion. Now sometimes it is unwarranted while at other times there is actually a reason, and I have no way to know which it is in your case. My advice to you would be to talk more to your girlfriend and listen more to her (pay more attention). Whether or not it is a good idea to mention that you have feelings of jealousy or that you have been having weird dreams about your relationship, only you can decide that. But talking more to her is bound to be a good idea. Tell her about your feelings for her and watch her reaction. Listen to her and try not to reach conclusions based on feelings of jealousy because those can obscure the truth. If I were you, I would pay more attention to real life relationship than to these dreams because dreams often are exaggerations, based on our fears and worries, and not necessarily based on reality. The main things the dreams can show you are your own emotions and worries about this relationship, not what is actually going on.

[warriorof]

theywillappear, before I attempt to interpret for you I have had a similar experience. I shared an apartment with my ex, and we slept in the same bed every night. About 2 months before we broke up, I had a dream were she was cheating on me with a relatively fit guy.The room was dark, and I had an overhead view of it. I woke up in the middle of the night and I actually yelled at her with intense anger. I said "you're cheating on me!" and she assured me she wasn't. I calmed down and went to bed. Two months later, I found out she was seeing another guy behind my back. Nothing physical, thank God, but enough that it hurt so bad that I had to leave her. Sorry for getting a little personal, but sometimes we pick up on these things subconsciously. This hopefully may not be true for you, but you may need to do some self seeking and have a deep heart to heart with her. Ask her "are you cheating on me" or "do you still love me" and look her in the eyes calmly. You'll know the truth despite what she'll say... Dream 1 - You may be picking up on something in real life, not necessarily cheating, but a lack of loyalty or interest from her. The restaurant represent fond memories of her in the past. You may have done fun things you remember doing with her. Her kissing two guys is your fear. You lack trust for her at the moment, so your subconscious is over-exaggerating the situation. By speaking to them, but not remembering the speaking, means you have tried to talk to your GF but she may be giving you the run-around. Dream 2 - This dream indicates you may be picking up on guilty feelings from your GF. Womans have the tendency to not associate with guys they have no interest in, this include their BFs. To ease their conscious, she may want you to cheat to justify herself. (This happened to me in RL. Around the time she was doing it, she stopped caring that I glanced at other women, but before it'd drive her nuts.) Anyway, the dimly lit room represents lack of knowledge, or things are shady. You having sex with your friend means that you may be lacking physical satisfaction from your GF, so your subconscious is presenting to you new options. Your GF being okay with it may be an indication of guilt on her part. Her having sex is an reminder of your fear of what she is doing. Dream 3 - The light in the house means this is more of a revelation, where before it was hidden. Perhaps you caught her doing something suspicious in real life, so this dream is telling you "ah ha! maybe I'm not crazy!" Perhaps you noticed increased texting activity in RL, or you saw her talking to a guy in RL. Your feelings are how you would feel finding out if she was cheating. JoannaB has a point as well, perhaps you are anxious about something you think is happening but isn't. I'm not trying to scare you or enrage you with my interpretation, but this is what I get out of it. However, no matter what the truth is, you can't sweep these feelings under the rug. Your concerns are justified, and you have a right to know your standing with her. Like I said before, talk to her, tell her how you feel, and tell her why you feel this way. If she cares, she'll listen. That's all I can tell you, I don't want to interfere. Good luck.

[Wakinyan]

Usually people in dreams doesn't represent the actual people, in my point of view and humble experience. For instance, if I dream about an old friend I haven't seen for a while who is say bitter in the dream, that hasn't got anything to do with him in real life; rather he is representing a trait of my own character. Say that he is an very outgoing and happy go lucky kind of fellow, he could represent that trait of my character, and perhaps I would find that indeed in real life there has been a lot of worries and perhaps I've gone too careful and brooding. This is sometimes called the "subjective" interpretation. But there are uncommon instances where characters in dreams actually represents real life people, the so called "objective" interpretation, and this distinction naturally raises the question: How do you tell the difference? I dreamed about X -- should I look at this figure as an objective or subjective character? There's a rule of thumb, I'd say: The closer you are to the person in real life, the more likely it is that the person in the dream is actually referring to the actual person in real life, or rather your relationship to him/her -- it is important not to draw conclusions about other persons from you dreams; your dreams are slices of your inner life, not comments on others' characters. On the other hand: The further from the person you are in real life, that more likely it is that the person should be interpreted subjectively. For instance, if you dream about Johnny Depp, chances that the dream is actually talking about the real life actor is slim, to say the least. If you dream about a friend you haven't seen in ten years, of course the person in the dream has very little to do with the real life friend. However, if you dream about the friend you see every day, and who is an important person in your every day life, chances are bigger that the dream is talking about your relationship with that person - but still, it is probably not. The subjective approach should always be explored first, because it is more common and there is more to gain from looking at yourself in a relationship, than pointing fingers at the other so to speak. Another hint one could look out for is the setting of the dream; it can help determine whether the dream is objective or subjective mainly (it is not either-or, unfortunately). If I dream that I meet my colleague in a strange forest with flying toasters while he's having a barbeque, the dream is probably not about my real life relationship with this person. The more surreal the setting is, the more likely it is to be subjective. However, if I dream that I'm at work, and everything is as it is in real life, and I feel a little anxiety because my colleague is criticizing my work, chances are that the dream is a reflection on my actual situation at work, and my relationship with my colleagues. However one must appreciate that dreams are almost always subjective. Looking back at my dreams for the past decades I can clearly see that more the 90% of the characters in the dreams, perhaps 95% or ever more, are to be interpreted as subjective. There is one striking exception to this rule, and that is most of the dreams I had about my then fiance for a couple of years during our rather destructive relationship. Afterwards, I could see how my dreams almost screamed at me to leave this relationship, but I didn't want to see it, I wanted everything to be fine, so that's what I told me, and the dreams turned into nightmares. But I can also see, as I said above, that the dreams were not telling me anything about the other person; dreams do no accuse other persons. The dreams talked to me -- tried, that is, I wasn't listening -- about the relationship, and while doing so, well yes, my fiance in the dream represented the fiance in real life, and the message about the dreams were about our relationship. That is what I came to think about when I read these dreams, and so I mostly agree with the other posters. I actually think that these dreams are trying to tell you something about your real relationship with your girlfriend, and that you perhaps could take your relationship under consideration. Not to break up with her of course, but to contemplate how you feel about your real life relationship, and as others have suggested, talk to her about your worries, and take it from there.