Vivid dread I can't stop thinking about.

[Ueniki]

Hello, I will try and give as much detail as possible, I hope it is not too long! In this dream I am walking along a vast dark wasteland. Everywhere looks like dark wet sand, like when the tide is very far out. I saw a fat man sitting on a log and talking on the phone. He was a man I used to work for, he was famous for performing as Santa Clause (this is true in real life and he was there in the dream) He was talking to an Australian man on the phone, it sounded like counselling. Then I saw a lot of water coming very fast. I was trying to get somewhere, I am not sure where and when I saw all that water I thought oh crap...The water swept me away and I kept trying to swim in the direction I wanted to go but it was impossible. I gave up and let the water carry me. It took me to this sort of Aztec temple looking thing. My dream self recognized it from a movie that my dream self had seen where a girl is terribly abused and beaten and killed. I decided to save her. I went sneaking in...my dream self knew all the places to step to avoid tomb raider like traps because of the movie that my dream self had seen. I was scared that the bad man in the movie would be there and attack me, but I heard him talking on the phone in another room. I recognized that HE was the Australian man who was talking to my ex boss Santa clause! I snuck to the room where I knew the girl was. I expected her to be a bloody mess but I found her totally fine. The man was so busy complaining on the phone that he had not gotten around to abusing her yet. Also the girl was me when I was 16 or so. She had a red polka dot dress and a white sweater and pearls and looked very fresh and nice and was just bored of waiting. I told her the situation and she snuck out with me. At a safe distance we started to run, the man never seemed to chase us. We got to an airport which also resembled an Aztec temple. We were on the steps and people were all around us, some bowing down to us and some taking pictures. The girl and I melded into one person and just as it happened I woke up. I don't know if there is a name for this type of waking up. It was not my waking up time and there was no noise or reason for me to wake up then, I woke up from the dream in the very early morning. Just opened my eyes and was fully awake. The next day I saw the red polka dot dress from the dream in a shop and I bought it! It looks nice but I don't look so innocent as my 16 year old dream self... Extra detail- the man I used to work for was a show man, we did lots of shows. He was not very nice, in fact you could say he was abusive, but he was fantastic on stage. I went out with his son, who was also very abusive and when I left him, we had no more contact. He has since passed away, but not recently. Thoughts? Thank you.

[JoannaB]

You are swept away by the tide of events, not in control. You reach a place or time where you have the chance to save yourself from abuse. But do you save yourself because of your decision and action, or because you are lucky enough that your would be abuser is too distracted? Do you act or do you sit around bored waiting for events to happen to you or not? Are you still that scared and vulnerable girl you were at 16? Or have you moved a safe distance from that, so that you can become your own rescuer and not only be the one who needs rescuing? Edit: this dream may be asking you whether the fact that you are now no longer in an abusive relationship is because you are in control of yourself and have outgrown your former self, or could this happen again?

[Ueniki]

I know that in the dream I was going in prepared to fight with the bad guy, it seemed like just luck that I didn't even have to. I have suffered a lot of abuse in the past from family and from strangers. I have an ongoing struggle with chronic depression because of this. Maybe I am just wishing none of ever happened... There are a lot of acting class type situations where they really push me to express anger and sadness and they all watch fascinated at how emotional I am. Some think it is good and some think it is weird. But I feel exploited by the situation, that is not acting, that is just manipulating a depressed girl. I had this dream shortly after such a seminar. And lately I have been in some theatre situations where they try to make me do an improvised monologue when I was only going as an audience member. (these are actors that I know) Again pushing me to cry and share something so private and sensitive in my soul in front of a bunch of strangers that are NOT all kind and understanding.

[JoannaB]

I too fight depression, though in my case the only abuse was verbal/emotional abuse by a father who was too strict as I was growing up, so I do understand a bit but not quite. I do think this dream likely was triggered by the seminar. I have been reading some Buddhist writings lately, and Buddhists point out that whenever we encounter suffering that reminds us of prior suffering, if we are not careful the present suffering is compounded by the karma of the suffering from the past. However, they say that the way to break this cycle is to realize that the negative memories increase our suffering, and once we become aware of that, we can change the effect it has on us. They suggest living in the moment, not increasing our current suffering by adding to it the memories of past suffering. It is not easy to do that, but it does sound to me like a good idea, and I am going to try to adjust my mentality in this direction. My hope is to break out of my cycle of chronic depression by increasing my self awareness. I hope you can either do the same, or something else that works for you. All the best!