Paranoia and Nightmares

[cspauler]

Hey, Well first off, thank you for taking your time to read this post and I guess I should enter some information about myself. I have been close to many people who have committed suicide or have passed away. I, myself have been diagnosed with depression and have been hospitalized for a suicide attempt 2 years ago. I used to self harm, and even now have extreme anxiety. I usually do not have many dreams but recently I have been having this reoccurring dream that is slightly scaring me. I apologize if this offends anyone in some sort. In a slightly brief summary, it starts off in a dark tunnel, and I just walk along guided by what seems to be candle light. I am 2 years younger than my current age. There are several turns and at the last turn the walls of the tunnel are dripping black liquid and I start hearing voices that are all mushed up together. A few of them, I recognize because they were people I was close to, and the voices are figments of conversations we had when they were still alive. I start breaking down and panicking and the candlelight moves ahead of me to the end of the tunnel. I run for my life towards the light and reach the end of the tunnel and there, there's a gravestone marked for me and an open grave of my happy memories, my hopes, and my dreams that I could not but the chance to achieve. I have this feeling to destroy myself, and throw myself down there. The black liquid starts to fill the deep grave and I start to self harm by cutting. Now the difference between last night's dream and the rest of the other reoccurring dreams is that I usually look up and see an orange-brownish fox behind the tombstone. Recently in my life I met this guy, who had helped my depression greatly and we have this personal joke between us that his spirit animal is a fox. Now, back to the dream, right before I jump into the grave, I see the orange fox and stop. I usually wake up after that. But this time I see an albino fox with white fur and red eyes. This time I slash my neck and jump into the grave.. and then I wake up. This dream is starting to scare me, honestly..If anyone can explain it.. it would be much appreciated. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and for the help.

[pHybrids]

Hi there. I've had many dreams of the same ilk as yours so I think I can offer you a little insight, that of an outside person who doesn't know you (myself) lol so keep that in mind. The dark tunnel could potentially be a metaphor for your mind/state of being (you mentioned you struggled with depression.) I feel like a tunnel gives the impression of being underground, inhibited, limited in space; a tunnel is oppressive. The mind of someone struggling with depression is oppressed by dark thoughts, insecurities, etc. Your potential/spirit/person is suppressed by the tunnel. And you mentioned it was dark; that's self-explanatory. You're being guided through the tunnel by candlelight and there are several turns, you say the last turn is "Dripping black liquid" where you start to hear the voices and figments of conversation of people you knew who were once alive. You don't specify, but I'm going to assume these were people you knew who committed suicide or have passed away. The memory of them causes you to panic which urges you on faster to follow the candlelight, right? If that's true, the candlelight at the end of the tunnel is death, and the candlelight guiding you would be the light/happiness/freedom that you feel you would achieve with death. Maybe you hear all of their voices mushed up because it is the same tunnel they had been submerged in. I feel like when you hear there voices, it is a reminder and makes the tunnel more difficult to bear, so you hurry and run to the candlelight envisioning some sort of freedom from the "Darkness" and oppression of the oozing tunnel. When you reach the end, there's a gravestone marked for you and you're "hopes, dreams, happy memories" I feel like this implies that you have buried them and the fact that when you see the grave for them you have a feeling to destroy yourself and bury yourself with them implies self-destruction and giving up. I would like to point out that at the end of the tunnel, you did not find candlelight or freedom, you found a grave with the same oozing black goo from the tunnel. So, death was not an escape. I would like to point out that the grave for your memories, hopes, dreams etc is still open and that, in the dream, you are the one to close it by throwing yourself in there and being buried in the same oozing goo that followed you from the tunnel I hope nothing offends you. I replied because I can relate to this. Just remember that a tunnel is only a tunnel. There is a world outside of the tunnel, and as soon as you realize that, the tunnel becomes less real and final and could disappear... It is only a tunnel after all. It can always be torn down.