Recurring partially lucid dreams

**dinolove** · 01-23-2014 11:46 AM

Hi! I've been a lurker for a good while - but have signed up to post this thread. It will potentially be long, so apologies in advance

Basically for a good couple of months now, I've been having recurring lucid dreams about my first love. I've never tried to have a lucid dream, but have them fairly regularly for a couple of years, as well as suffering with some sleep paralysis in the past - recently however, they've all be about the same thing. I'll start with the background, I'm 21 and was with the person in question on and off for three years between the ages of 16 and 19, first kiss, first everything: so I guess you could say there's always going to be an attachment there. It took me a good long time to get over the breakup (his idea) but "waking" me has no feelings towards this man or what happened and we haven't seen or spoken to each other now in just over a year. We broke up because of university and are now living in different parts of the country. He deleted me off Facebook recently (the dreams started before this) so I have no idea about what he's up to or anything. I am now in a happy, committed and a hell of a lot more healthy relationship with somebody else. I used to have dreams in which he featured immediately preceding the breakup, some lucid, some not: most just involved him showing up in otherwise innocuous situations and dream me getting extremely emotional - these ones aren't like that. Obviously I am aware that the best person to interpret these is myself but I feel totally lost in this field and was wondering if I could get insight into these from somebody more experienced. Is it possible to communicate with somebody through a dream? Could he be having a similar experience?

Ok, I'll list some of the dreams - the more recent ones will have more details as they've become progressively more lucid and "ex-focussed". This is all off the top of my head, as out of respect for my current partner, I haven't written any of this down.

Last Night: I'm on a train going to Inverness (he lives somewhere around here now I think...not sure). Walking through the carriages, the train is white, modern and futuristic and not linear, I have to keep turning corners. I'm walking through carriages with rows of seats, more like a cinema than a train, and see him sat near the front of a crowded carriage. He looks like we did when we were together, except much more tanned; his clothes are similar. I am not aware that I am dreaming at this point. I try to squeeze past the opening without being seen, turning red and suddenly becoming awkward. I walk into the next carriage and find a seat, within eye view of his (his carriage is at a right angle to mine). I sit down, and there is a family with a baby who I have somehow managed to sit in the middle of - the baby is messy and eating. I apologize and move the row in front where a group of my friends are sitting. I talk to a friend who I know from university. Then suddenly, my ex is sat in the seat next to me. I do not remember what we talked about, but I remember my friend on the left turning away with a scoffing laugh, and my feeling guilty as I am spending all my attention on this man who I was once in love with (it was very much a past tense emotion). Like I said, I cannot remember the conversation, or really any emotion attached to it. I cannot hear what he is saying because suddenly there is a seat in between us and the baby from the row behind is sat there - she's sitting up, eating still and in a pink babygro. She is grizzling loudly and I cannot hear what my ex is saying anymore, He is leaning forwards towards me with his elbows on his knees.
The next part of the dream I remember IS lucid and takes place in my childhood home (which most of my dreams feature in some way). There is no recollection of a train or my destination, only the conversation. I feel like I should call my ex after our encounter earlier (the first part of the dream). However, I do not have his number and I do not remember it by heart: a reflection of real life. There is a girl standing in the hallway by the landline telephone - I do not recognise her but remark that its strange how all my dreams take place in the same house. She reads the number to me but I get the feeling that we are friends or we've been conversing previously, she has a high, nasal voice. I type the number in and remark to her halfway through that "I used to know this by heart, you know". I hear the phone ringing but get sent to voicemail (In the waking world, he used to suffer quite badly with mental health and turn his phone off when he was having episodes so I got very used to the sound of his voicemail, I think this was a reflection of that). I don't remember what exactly I said but something along the lines of calling me back. I ask the girl if he will get this message in the waking world but she doesn't answer (or I cannot remember what she said). It is at this point that I REALLY realise that I am dreaming and get incredibly excited, wanting to see every inch of my old home. I spin around on the front lawn and then go to the old playroom, where my pet hamster from two years ago is there. I dont remember many details of what happened next other than almost waking and trying to hold onto the dream - the only thing that is clear is that i must stay asleep because he will be calling me back, then an overwhelming comfort that he would call me in either "reality" so it's ok if I wake up.

Two Nights Ago: I am at "his" house. I do not know why, but it is like no house I've ever seen or been to. It is low and modern. We are sitting at a oval dining table and talking intimately - I dont' remember how I got there but there's an overwhelming feeling of guilt that I should not be here, I should not be talking to him, I am aware that he is an ex and he hurt me. Then I am stood facing him, toe to toe. I wonder if we will kiss but I note, with surprise how much taller I am now compared to him. He notes this too and says with a sigh that "he's only 5"6' now" (he seems to have been getting shorter throughout this exchange), I say proudly that I am now 5"9' and he smiles and says hes happy for me. (Neither of these are our real heights, hes well over 6 foot - I was very underweight when we were together and am now not so maybe this has something to do with that, or growing as a person?). I walk outside to my car, through low hanging trees and a leafy floor to go buy us both some food. I am happy, elated almost. The next thing I know, I am bac k in the long kitchen - a group of people are walking in. He is flustered and tells me to hide in a corner. I note that one of the people coming in looks like his current girlfriend and recall her full name, he tells me he doesnt have a girlfriend. I am angry, I feel betrayed - I am not fully aware that I am dreaming at this point but I am aware of "another" reality or time which correlates with the waking world. Everything begins to dissolve but I see my ex controlling a large, green snake (I was reading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets a few days ago...) and find myself thinking that I wished I could have stayed asleep longer so I could've made the story go how I wanted it to.

Those are the two most recent, the rest I dont remember in any kind of linear, storytelling type way. Just fragments of conversation.
I remember (in a dream involving nothing but us talking cross legged), if he'd remember these dreams in real life. If this was a sign that he wanted to get in touch or what they meant. I don't remember any sort of answer, but I remember being comforted by them.
Another time, we are walking, he thinks its still 2010 and that we are together - asks why I look older. I feel hurt having to explain that he is in a dream and that we aren't together. I tell him about what happened, and end up crying on his shoulder. I tell him that we are both happy now and it would be best if he left - he doesn't.
In a dream mostly conducted through text messages, he once again thinks we are together - I spend the whole dream (which was about something else I've now forgotten but the contact with him was a niggle throughout), trying to speculate on how to firstly, dump him nicely and secondly, hiding the whole misunderstanding from my current boyfriend.
In another where there was little or no background, he says that he is dreaming too and he uses this way to make sure I am alright without upsetting me. I tell him that thats stupid and he shouldj ust talk to me in real life if he wants to - he sighs and says its not as easy as that. I ask him if he remembers them... I don't remember his answer.

I'm interested to know if there is any possibility of communicating with somebody through dreams? Or if there's any effective method to get them to stop - I've tried telling him to go away and that he should'nt be there anymore but as I don't rememeber the outcome and the dreams keep coming. I know that it looks a simple yearning for contact, but that is not the case! Before this, I was happily not speaking to or about him and enjoying my life. Now on the days after these dreams, I find myself thinking about him constantly, and even wondering if he'll contact me - which is impossible. I feel horrendous afterwards, although I am happy and comforted in the dreams by his presence.

Any insight at all into this would be greatly appreciated. Thankyou!

**JoannaB** · 01-23-2014 07:36 PM

Is shared dreaming, communicating through dreams, possible? A lot of people say it is, and there are many people on this forum who say that they have experienced it, even though it has not been scientifically proven to be a real phenomenon, so it is up to the individual to believe in it or not.

However, even if shared dreaming is real, I don't think that is what is happening here. If I am right (and I may be wrong of course), I think your mind is obsessing with the past because you are worried about the future, and uncomfortable to even go there. You say you are now happy in another relationship. Why then would you be dreaming of your ex now? What does he represent to you? A broken heart, the end of a relationship though it is not your idea. I wonder whether you are dreaming of your ex because you are scared that the man you are now with might break your heart too. In your dream there is a baby, perhaps it stands for your thinking, what if I had a baby, with the man I am with now? What if we start a family? But what if he breaks my heart? Or what if we had a child and it would come between us and spoil the happy relationship? What if my ex interferes, what if I never fully got over him, what if my past interferes with my future? What if the past repeats? That's what I think your mind is worried about - though of course I may be wrong, as I said.

You keep dreaming of your ex because after having dreams of him, you then keep thinking about him in waking life, which then incubates more dreams of him. I think the way to break this cycle is in waking life: you need to actively work on not focusing your thoughts on the past, and whenever you catch yourself thinking of it, firmly bring your thinking back into the present. Focus on your current relationship. If it is true that you worry whether it will last and what it's future will be, then talk with your current man. Do not worry about the past because it is gone and cannot be changed, but it can interfere with the present or future if you let it interfere. So do not let it! You might benefit from awareness exercises aka mindfulness that focus on being in the present moment, and keep coming back to the now mentally. Also it is possible that something in the present (or the recent past) reminded you of your past, and caused this anxiety. If you identify what it is, maybe you can focus on addressing that current/recent issue, and this may help stop these dreams.

I hope this helps.