Painful Dream About Exgirlfriend

[harpocrates]

This will be a long one boys, get your reading glasses out. My ex-girlfriend and I broke up about 9 months ago, we dated for nearly a year. It is indeed safe to say that I loved her. Our breakup was particularly difficult mainly on me. [I'm a male, 19 years old, she was my first love. We took each others virginity] It was difficult because 1. I definitely wasn't ready and 2. She did something that was technically okay but morally wrong to me. Now, 2. seems very ambiguous so I will just tell you the emotion that was imparted on me due to this action. I felt, betrayed, cheated on and seething with rage. She started dating someone nearly the day after we broke up. I come in contact with my ex a lot. by a lot I mean, at the very least 2 times a week. I wont get into specifics because it may compromise my identity. After the breakup I was distraught, I started drinking a lot and I lost ~15 pounds. I was depressed, and it is evident I have some sort of dependency issues. Time has passed and my anger and sadness have subsided by a great deal. But every now and then I will still get bothered and some days I feel the looming ax of depression for a day or two. But I get back up on my feet and continue living. Recently though I had a dream about her. Start Dream. I woke up in my bed and I felt very sad, something compelled me to start cleaning my room. (Whenever I feel down I clean my room , I don't know why but this is something that I just do lol) While I was cleaning my room I was talking to my self tell my self that I am a piece of shit because of this [can't remember] and this is why I act like that [can't remember] and you lost [let's call my ex-girlfriend Sam] Sam because of this reason, if you didn't act like this and do this and blah blah blah you wouldn't be this much of an asshole. It was like I knew why I act the way I do, why I do certain things and that inside I'm a different person than I act on the outside. But it wasn't enlightening in the least it was upsetting and dark. I was just putting myself down the whole time. So while I was cleaning my room I look up to my bed and I see Sam sitting down Indian style on it so I go over to the bed and I sit next to her. I remember vividly looking into her blue eyes and I felt great, and we kissed for quite the 'dream time' while. After we kissed I pulled my head back so I was looking at her and she took her hands while looking at me and ran them across my face and said 'I love you'. I woke up immediately after and looked around for her and she wasn't there and then I cried. I haven't cried in months. fucking months. Why does she have to haunt me in my dreams, I was making progress. Tell me, what is going on here. I want to move on but I can't. Interpret this dream please. Thanks.

[SeaDragonLife]

I dream about my ex boyfriend fairly often. I was in a similar situation, though we didn't exchange virginities persay, he was my first sexual partner, my first boyfriend, and we dated for 3 years and just in general had a terrible relationship, up to and including the messy breakup. He started dating somebody about 10 or so days right after we broke up, and I was crushed. Heartbroken. This was almost 3 years ago and I still dream about him, though it isn't in a romantic sense, more that I have a constant feeling of dread and avoidance. I also have dependency issues, and those are difficult to work through, but they make relationships kinda difficult, especially when you suddenly have to deal with not having it. I dont have much experience in dream interpretation, but I will tell you that 9 months is not long enough to get over a very deep relationship, and you'll likely have it rough for a while. But you can't blame yourself for this dream, and you're not losing progress at all for it, trust me. You're coming to terms with it, and this is just part of that process. The dream is related to the time you spent thinking about her, and the self-blaming you were doing. If you feel you did something wrong, honestly and not just blaming yourself out of habit or low-confidence, then you just have to accept that as part of your past and learn from it. But if you're blaming yourself, and you honestly feel you were in the right, then you need to accept that you really feel you did the right thing, then let it go. You will be able to move on in time. I would recommend you try to figure out how to stop seeing her so often, if you can. That will help, though you don't have to do that to heal, it makes it easier, at least from my experience. I'll repeat that dreams like this are perfectly normal, and you should expect to see her in your dreams again. If you become Lucid, maybe try to talk to her or work things out in some beautiful dream-like way. Either way, give yourself more time. Change never comes easy, and healing is best done slowly. You don't have to rush yourself, you have plenty of time. Good luck.

[harpocrates]

I dream about my ex boyfriend fairly often. I was in a similar situation, though we didn't exchange virginities persay, he was my first sexual partner, my first boyfriend, and we dated for 3 years and just in general had a terrible relationship, up to and including the messy breakup. He started dating somebody about 10 or so days right after we broke up, and I was crushed. Heartbroken. This was almost 3 years ago and I still dream about him, though it isn't in a romantic sense, more that I have a constant feeling of dread and avoidance. I also have dependency issues, and those are difficult to work through, but they make relationships kinda difficult, especially when you suddenly have to deal with not having it. I dont have much experience in dream interpretation, but I will tell you that 9 months is not long enough to get over a very deep relationship, and you'll likely have it rough for a while. But you can't blame yourself for this dream, and you're not losing progress at all for it, trust me. You're coming to terms with it, and this is just part of that process. The dream is related to the time you spent thinking about her, and the self-blaming you were doing. If you feel you did something wrong, honestly and not just blaming yourself out of habit or low-confidence, then you just have to accept that as part of your past and learn from it. But if you're blaming yourself, and you honestly feel you were in the right, then you need to accept that you really feel you did the right thing, then let it go. You will be able to move on in time. I would recommend you try to figure out how to stop seeing her so often, if you can. That will help, though you don't have to do that to heal, it makes it easier, at least from my experience. I'll repeat that dreams like this are perfectly normal, and you should expect to see her in your dreams again. If you become Lucid, maybe try to talk to her or work things out in some beautiful dream-like way. Either way, give yourself more time. Change never comes easy, and healing is best done slowly. You don't have to rush yourself, you have plenty of time. Good luck. I never thought of trying to talk to her lucid, what a wonderful idea thanks. It doesn't help though that whenever her and her boyfriend get into a big fight she calls me to drink either and I do it. I think I should just stop doing that because that actually happened recently and it was like an emotional relapse. Which I think may have caused the dream. Thanks for the advice and the insight, how old are you by the way?

[Hebdomeros]

I think those intense emotions will always be there, it wasn't actually you're ex though it was a dream representation of her. If you still have feelings for her and you trust her maybe you should tell her how you feel without the expectation of a relstionship or ANYTHING just to get it out into the open although this (typing it down) is probably a good first step. I think theres probably many reasons why a girl would start dating right after a breakup, one being she' feels too fragile to be alone, in a flood we grab the nearest solid object.

[SeaDragonLife]

I never thought of trying to talk to her lucid, what a wonderful idea thanks. It doesn't help though that whenever her and her boyfriend get into a big fight she calls me to drink either and I do it. I think I should just stop doing that because that actually happened recently and it was like an emotional relapse. Which I think may have caused the dream. Thanks for the advice and the insight, how old are you by the way? Early-Mid Twenties. Old enough to have been through my situation when I was close to your age. And yeah, I think probably her calling you like that is what brought on the dream, or set you up for it. If you feel like you should stop doing that then it will probably help a lot when you do.

[harpocrates]

Early-Mid Twenties. Old enough to have been through my situation when I was close to your age. And yeah, I think probably her calling you like that is what brought on the dream, or set you up for it. If you feel like you should stop doing that then it will probably help a lot when you do. Yeah and it'll pretty much tell her that I'm done with always being there and that her safety net is gone so to speak. What do you mean " then it will probably help a lot when you do " ?

[SeaDragonLife]

Yeah and it'll pretty much tell her that I'm done with always being there and that her safety net is gone so to speak. What do you mean " then it will probably help a lot when you do " ? Lol that's a bit of an odd sentence I wrote now that I read it again. All I really meant was "do what you think is right."

[harpocrates]

Lol that's a bit of an odd sentence I wrote now that I read it again. All I really meant was "do what you think is right." Now that I know what you meant, what you wrote makes sense to write lol thanks.