Nightmare...

[Aimee]

I know that I should be afraid by this dream but actually I was really cool about it, no fear, no sweating, but it was a nightmare. The overall feeling I had was guilt. It seems in the dream that I had a very close friend to me that I cared about, a young woman about the same age as myself. I couldn't see her face yet. I was walking all over the place with her and we were inseparable. One day, we meet a boy/ short guy - couldn't tell for sure - who pulls me on the side for the first time separated from my true friend, and tells me what I am doing walking around with her because she is dead. He told me that she threw herself from the tenth floor and was crushed on the pavement, but she started walking again. I was upset, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Suddenly as I was walking next to her I found out that her body was decomposing in front of my eyes, but I couldn't run away from her as I loved her as my own flesh. She seemed in pain and anguish, and I felt so sorry about her pain, that I wanted to do something to ease it out. So, I went to the little guy and asked him what should I do. He told me to take her heart out and feed it to the birds. With regret, and reassuring her that it's only for her own good, I took her to my place. my home where I spent my childhood, back in my home country, that I havent' seen in 8 years. I opened up her chest on the kitchen counter and inside her everything was black and brown, no blood; everything was decomposed. Her heart was small and dry, and shapeless. I plucked it out with a rod and threw it out on the window. The pigeons approached it but they wouldn't eat it. So the little guy said that I should just put it back in her chest. But, I could not reach it as I threw it way too far from me. I felt guilty, so guilty for her pain that I could not forgive myself. She was in so much anguish now that she couldn't say anything anymore and could barely move. So I helped her to lie in bed, and I went like a nut on the streets to find someone to help her to ease her pain. I found a big guy, almost a giant, very charming and attractive, who promised me help, but by killing her. He also told me that for that act I shall be the only one responsible, and not himself. So, I accepted in order to stop her sufferings, and I brought him to her bed. Then I wanted to say goodbye to her, and I lied down next to her and I looked deep in her eyes, we were both crying, and I noticed that my friend, was myself, she was me, looking at me. I then cried and promised her that we will meet again in Heaven, and that she should not be afraid. Her face was clear, full of tears, but not rotten at all. It seems that her whole body was decomposing, but her head. Then I woke up.

[willthepathfinder]

That has got to be about the freakiest dream I have ever heard! I'll take a stab at it. Have you by any chance been dealing with something very saddening in your life? Something that has left you filled with overwelming sorrow? Or perhaps even worse. Has there been something so traumatic that its left you numb and unfeeling as if your heart has dried up, died? Your dream concerns me. I would like very much to talk to you more about it and perhaps others.

[Aimee]

I know it's very freaky. What really happens is that I've been dealing with some sort of overwhelming feelings of dissapointment and imposibility of being happy most of my life... But now my life has become a lot worse depressing... It has to do with people I love mainly, I think... I know this is vague but my life story is long and boring... I'm just afraid that I'm getting sick... I started having pains in my body and the doctor hasn't found any clinical reason for my pain yet, I lost weight without dieting, and this is unusual to me because I am a person who is most likely to gain weight, than to be skinny... I have a very little unusual appetite... I'm a student at university, and all my feelings that are hurt and deserted also affect my studying.... I have no idea how can I cope with this anymore. I pray a lot, and most of the time after prayer I feel a lot better, but it doesn't take vey long, and my hurt feelings start again to take control of my body and mind... I would like to tell someone what I'm going through, but my problems might seem very trivial to others...

[willthepathfinder]

I thought as much. That is why your dream concerned me so. Your negative emotions and pain are eating you up from the inside out. Your subconsious is trying to show you what you are doing to yourself. The woman you saw is a representation of your emotional self, your heart, and she's not doing very well hun. It's hard for me to give advice on specific life problems when I don't have the details. I also understand that some problems are just way to personal to be advertised to everyone on the web. I am however a good ear and I do care. As soon as I read about your dream, I was concerned. Your physical problems concern me as well. A heavy spirit and a sad heart will deffinatly manafest physically expecially over extended amounts of time. This is a stupid question, and a bit trite but, have you sought counseling for dealing with grief and or depression? You know there are many with diagnosed clinical depression that have a chemical imbalance that needs maintaining for their health. As far as life in general is concerned, I believe we are given chalanges to overcome so we can better ourselves. If life was a cake walk we wouldnt learn noth'n. Hang in there kid, for what it's worth, I care.

[Aimee]

I'm stressed with studies, and plus my bf had serious thoughts about leaving me... Besides for a while I felt so much attracted to someone else, and he has a girlfriend too! However, I knew him before he met her and I felt that he was attracted to me too but I didn't know what to do, how to react. I had a long term relationship, pretty serious, and did not worth it to act on impulse. Interesting! So I have many dreams about him at night, about a couple came true and I'm confused about my feelings, and I don't know what to do!

[Aimee]

I still feel he is attracted to me, but I'm no psychic. All these dreams I have about him at night drove me out of my mind! The dreams are about trivial things happening, and his girlfriend is there too, or not. I solved the problem about stopping daydreaming about him, so I could feel more at peace, but I was so busy with collecting and putting toghether my feelings, and with my studies which I must say take up most of my time, that I neglected a little my boyfriend, and he felt that was something wrong. but how could I tell him? He feels I'm restless but becasue he can't figure out what's wrong he thinks that I don't care. Exactly because I care of his feelings, I'm not telling him this freaky story of me being attracted to someone else. He wants to leave me and I don't think that this would be the best solution. However he is pretty decided about what he wants to do. And I'm sitting in two boats at a time! No more daydreaming about him, but how do I stop dreaming during sleep about him?

[willthepathfinder]

Well, well. I hope that is the extent of your negative emotions. I was afraid when I read your dream that there were far deeper and serious issues at hand. Don't missunderstand me however, I'm not trying to trivialise your dilemmas. Stress can adversely effect your physical health and hopefully that is what your dream is actully alluding to. I still wonder if there is more that you are not telling me. If there isn't, all the better, I am relieved. As far as your love interests are concerned... If you truely love your BF, don't just throw that away because some pretty face comes along. They say that love is blind for a reason. What matters most is more than skin deep. Getting Mr. pretty boy out of your dreams? If he's on your mind, he'll be in your dreams. Try doing something that will help you forget about him. Perhaps a night of wild crazy animal sex with your BF might do it. Try something new and catch him off gaurd. Guys like that. If your relationship is not on that level, well then I guess your just screwed. No, just kidding. Remind yourself why you love him in the first place and then share that with him. Even though they may not say it, guys like to hear that too. Best of wishes.

[Aimee]

Sex does it for the moment, but I'm not sure it does its job so well for my feelings. Of course I have many nostalgic memories with my bf, I was a virgin when I met him and I'll never forget him, but I must not confuse the emotions I have for my first partener, and sex with love... They don't have that much correlation all the time. I've never felt this way for my bf when we met, like the way I feel now. And to say, this new guy isn't even that pretty. Actually I think my bf is more attractive than him anyways. And he's never done anything to hit on me. Actually he's very shy, I would say, and I'm shy too. Hard to forget, because I see him almost everyday of my life! Sometimes I feel he's talking in riddles to me, he's saying weired things, and then looks at me in my eyes as if I'm doing something wrong to him, even though I've never done anything wrong... What about dreams about him that came true , what does that mean??? I would believe he's an alien if I would believe in aliens... I have no erotic dreams about him or freudian dreams. They're trivial, like I get to know him through my dreams. I don't know him in waking life very well, but through my dreams I've learned a lot of stuff about him. I was so surprised when his gf's stories about him were portaying exactly the same person I was thinking he might be by intuition! Isn't that weired?

[willthepathfinder]

Interesting how an interpretation for a dream can turn into an extended disscusion on relationships and life. The fact that your current BF was your first explains your attatchment to him. You have shared something with him that you have with no other. That makes him a pretty significant person in your life. One should never allow any relationship, be it physical or otherwise, to overshadow the responsabilities one has to themself though. It's not that difficult to become so attatched to someone else that you become trapped willingly. A healthy relationship with someone should allow one to be more than what they were alone. It should help you be a better person, more complete. People, and hence relationships, are dynamic. If a relationship with someone is no longer giving you more then what you had before or worse the opposite, then it's probably time to move on. As far as this fellow goes... I don't know what your philosophy on life is but, my belief is that this existance is just the tip of the iceberg. I further believe that dreams are a conduit to much that lies beyond our perception. You may have a tie to this guy that as of yet, you are unaware of. And then of course you may just have a curiosity to find out what else is out there. There is nothing wrong with that. It's your life, make your own path!

[Aimee]

I don't believe in multiple lives and all that stuff. I'm a Christian to say, and I believe that there are things meant for us by God. However, God never stuffs things in your poket by force.He just puts it out there for you to go get it. And the good things are meant for you are always hard to get, and must fight for them. Like for instance getting a career! It's hard to go to university, and even if it's meant for you, you still have to study! However, a part of my heart longs for all the unrational things in this world, it's just my brain became too focused on the rational (the field of my study did that to me!) that I tend even to forget what was my philosophy on life, or love. I think my mind was too much embedded with the love idea I grew up on and I ended up on being maybe a little disappointed towards my luck. I liked reading classics a lot when I was a teen, and I had a thing with my grandparents' love story. I always wanted what they had, and because I couldn't find that I was unsatisfied with the lack of sensitivity towards art that the boys had at that time... What I find in this guy, is that I percieved a sensitivity towards art that I haven't seen before in anyone else, and the thing he's just not taught enough into it to understand it. But I find he would be flexible in being taught. I like sharing my knowledge of art with my frieds very rarely, when they allow me, because most of them are extremely rational people and they have another philosophy of life, little interrest in art. Everytime I speak I feel he's the only one who actually listens to what I say, and he seems so interrested in what I say, that he doesn't turn his head at all while I talk. All my other friends keep trying to make me shut up to change the subject, but him never. The first time I told him that I paint his eyes opened so wide as if I did a miracle. Been dreaming a lot lately, some with him and some without... I think they're funny dreams when I wake up. By the way did you see my other dream I posted? Called "Disturbing dreams..." Might say something more about me....

[willthepathfinder]

Yes, I did read your other dream and it does say more about you. It pretty much correlates with this one as far as the message is concerned. The little girl is the same aspect of yourself as the dead woman. This is your emotional self being represented in your dreams. Vulnerable and fragile, and though you try, you feel unable to protect your heart from pain. As an artist you function on a more emotional level than most. I found it interesting to read how you felt that concentration on your studies was forceing you to be too rational, as if you were betraying your true self you seemed to imply. As a deeply emotional person, it's not difficult to be hurt deeply. I can relate because I am that type as well. With that in mind perhaps this bit of irrational advice might make sense to you. Your artistry is your outlet. I'm sure you have probably done this already but, try it with the right mindset. Use your ability to express yourself on canvas, or whatever medium of your choosing, and get it out. Then realize, and tell yourself this, that it is no longer in you but, on paper. Remind yourself that you no longer have to harbor these emotions, you have worked them out and there they are. Now this may be the most difficult part but, forget them. You have done the effort, you have expressed your feelings, you don't even need a rational explaination for them, the work is now done time to move on to something else. Many artists use this technique to deal with thier lives. Happy, sad, good, and bad. They use the God given outlet they have and work through thier lives that way. You say you are shy and that makes it hard to express and then deal with what you have inside. Well hun, don't use your mouth, use your art and express and communicate what you want to get out that way.