Hello, there! My name is Charlotte. I hope I’m not intruding but I thought I could help. I’m a little pressed for time but there are some thoughts I wanted to add to the insightful replies already posted in the hopes you will be able to address this issue and move on with your life and gain some peace of mind. I would ask how old you are. I get the image of late teens, but please let me know. It would help.

I’d like to begin by saying the following - forgive me if it's a repeat: Our dreams are reflections of what is happening in our subconscious mind, using symbolic language. Repeating dreams often occur because in the first dream, we did not "consciously" get the message (not like it's easy!) so our subconscious makes additional attempts at giving us the Same message. Sometimes it uses different Symbology but it's the same theme and same highlights. Almost like explaining something to someone several ways until they understand it. Dreams literally tell us what we need to work on or what we are doing well in our waking lives. The purpose of your dreams is to show you what you need to understand or do in order to bring about Harmony with all aspects of self (Physical, Mental, Emotional and Spiritual Selves). When you achieve this, you actually achieve unmistakable contentment (which is a tough lesson and an Awesome feeling!). Dreams also offer nurturing experiences as a Reward for understanding the dream meaning, which means you then understand Yourself, your True Self. Your True Self is the sum of all of your integrated parts. As you move through this, you may see happier symbology and events.

Beyond the person who is the focus of the dream, some people play smaller roles and are generally seen in our dreams to reflect back to us another aspect or side of ourselves that we are or are not in unison with. Often, there is a need to integrate the energy that is associated with that person or the role they play, i.e. teacher (guidance), boss (authority and approval), policeman (protection and order), doctor (healing), parents (nurturing and assistance), etc. Just wanted to add that in. You don’t mention the other people but I thought I’d give you something to think about.

Only you can decide what rings true for you, but here are my thoughts…and your genuine reply would be welcome. I am going to start at the beginning and run straight through the dream. You're getting a line-by-line interpretation. I’ve put your text in quotes and my reply to each section is underneath. Here goes…

You say:
This dream is so hard on my body that I wake up in a heavy sweat and I am having a hard time breathing. And when I can get back to sleep I am back where I left off most times. People have been added over the 2 years. [/b]
The dream is hard on your body because you are so filled with grief over this relationship ending, the way she did it AND the amount of effort you are putting into dealing with it that it is having an effect on you physically. Energy from emotions and experiences build up and must be released. If not, a physical illness could actually manifest. So, you want to really get to the bottom of this, gather what wisdom you can and bring that with you into the future. When something like this happens, the ego becomes outraged and begins to find ways to change reality. I’m not saying you’re egotistical…please don’t think that. What I’m saying is your rational thinking mind is often invaded by the irrational ego, causing struggle and heartache. As I continue, I will try to expand on this concept. Your mind is chewing on this experience and trying to protect itself and your heart from the truth you must face. Your true love did you wrong. The way she blew you off will be the hardest aspect to forgive and overcome. People are being added as a way to get your attention and to introduce new insight. You’ve been having this for two years so you are resisting letting go. Hopefully the information I give you will help you see that you will be okay in time, that you can move beyond this and find happiness.

My dream starts with me in a pure white room. [/b]
This dream, like most, is spiritually based. Basically, your soul is trying to reach harmony. White denotes spirituality, and the dream is illustrating how you are approaching and dealing with this situation. You begin in a white room, which suggests peace and is your goal.

As I turn to face the other side a girl who I know stands at the other end closer to the wall. [/b]
She is at the other end of the room, illustrating the distance you now feel from her. She maintains this distance throughout the dream.

One night however, she pushed me away like I meant nothing in her life. [/b]
Ouch! I must be honest and say that I get the feeling you may have had some clues that she’d had a change of heart. If there weren’t any clues, my heart goes out to you. I know a situation like this can be torture.

After seeing her I feel myself smile and run to her. When I get to her I run thorugh her and my body slams against the hard white wall. I fall to the ground and look to my back. She is standing on the other side of the room with a smile. I stand and try to run to her once more. The same thing happens as before. I slam into the wall behind her and she appears behind me with her smile. [/b]
Look at the symbology. You RUN to her. You run to what you believe will make you happy, hoping for a loving reunion. Instead, you run right through her and into a very real wall so hard you fall to the ground. This is suggesting to you that your hopes for a reunion with her are an illusion. She is the IMAGE of what you believe would make you happy and restore the state of “being happy with your life” as you mention in your post. You say you look to your back. I get the image that you are looking behind you, perhaps over your shoulder. Please let me know if this is incorrect. If so, you are looking behind you…where the past lives. This experience is in the past, but sometimes we try to bend reality to make it hurt less because it’s simply too hard to face. We torture ourselves with arguments such as, “If only I’d done or said something different, etc.” She is still distant despite your heroic attempt at "reconnecting" with her. In your dream you are trying Desperately to reconnect and yet each attempt fails. She is smiling. This suggests to me that she is not in the same distress you are in over the separation and also, that this is the type of contentment you are seeking. But the smile is on HER face, which to me again suggests that her face = happiness to you. This is crucial and I will make a very tough statement. We cannot look outside of ourselves for happiness, nor can we depend on others to provide it. Happiness comes from your relationship with yourself. If your happiness for that year depended on her being in your life, then it makes sense to me that the relationship would end so that you could continue your journey and discover Self-love and being responsible for your own happiness. I won’t lecture you on this and I hope I’m not hurting your feelings.

Back to the dream, you fall when you hit the wall. The wall is your wake-up call…A hard knock of reality. In your mind you hope to have a reunion but reality hits you hard. You fall because you do not feel supported. This may also tie in to the white room in that you do not feel that your higher power is supporting you and that this experience is making you a victim, not that there is something that will add to your growth or making you a stronger woman. Remember that there is a Powerful woman in you and you will be fine! In the dream, you stand and make another attempt to reconnect/reunite (hug, kiss, hold, etc.) with her but the same thing happens. Over and Over. Slam. Slam. Slam. Again, she is behind you and her smile suggests, “Please leave me here where I belong. Put me and Leave me Behind you.” I know this is difficult because you don’t fully understand why she left. All I can say is that you must nurture and protect yourself from the heartache you are putting yourself through by slamming into the same wall over and over again. To do this, you must let go of the past, let go of her, forgive her and forgive yourself for whatever you may or may not have done to cause the end of the relationship. It no longer matters why it ended; you must be strong and promise yourself that you will continue to love with all your heart no matter what.

I keep on running to her till the room is no longer white. The walls are splashed with my blood as I hit them. And the floor is one smeared mess with foot prints and slipping falls. I have no more strength to get up and fall once more onto the wall. [/b]
This all illustrates just how much energy and effort you are exerting to try to fix this situation in your mind. Blood represents your life force energy and look how much of it you have lost, slipping in it, causing yourself more pain than the original circumstance did. The dream is saying, “Look what you are doing to yourself over this.” You are battered and exhausted, beating yourself quite literally to a pulp. At this point when I read your words I feel an enormous amount of grief, despair and depression…a very dark place. I'm curious to know what your sign is (Pisces, Cancer, etc.?)?


I look behind me with hurt eyes. There stands all the ones I thought loved me. The order is from right to left Ambur, my father, and my current boyfriend. [/b]
Look at these people. Your father is smack in the middle. Here is the original source of the situation. Whatever your father did to make you feel abandoned and unloved, Ambur merely reflects. Perhaps your father left without an explanation or passed away unexpectedly, causing an issue with abandonment. It would make sense that there would be a pattern of this in your love life. Issues are like having a magnet in your pocket that attract similar situations so that you can learn to understand it. Big topic, that one, and I have to go soon. The bottom line is this: Sometimes people leave…but it doesn’t mean they didn’t love us. You are not crazy and you know when someone loves you. It’s just that some relationships offer a valuable lesson, fulfill their purpose and then dissolve. That’s not what most of us want to here, I know.

Oh and one more thing... Once when I woke up my right hand was covered in blood. I know it seems like it could not be true but it is. I did not have any way of it getting that way. No cuts or anything anywhere on my body.[/b]
This is interesting. No scratches at all? I would like to talk to you about this later, after you read this. Only you can say for sure how much of this resonates with you, but I can tell you that if you begin to work on this inner-world situation, really work on it and not simply move on just on the surface, you will begin to understand and the dreams will change. I won’t guarantee it will go away, but with new clarity, a dream like this grows and changes with you, illustrating where you are improving and where you are stuck. In the next dream, you may not hit the wall. You may simply stand still and try to talk or reason with her. Look for adjustments to the events and see how it reflects the changes in you. Teaching Dreams like this one, again, are trying to show you how you are dealing with a situation and what you can do to achieve peace. What you are doing is beating yourself up and blaming yourself. It would be terrible if this excessive emotion manifested in a blood-related disorder like diabetes or a cell-count problem. I’ve had other clients who developed similar problems.

I wish I had more time but I really do hope this helps to give you a platform from which you can think about the whole dream and how it relates to your relationship with yourself and what you need to do to come to terms with the experience. And don’t be afraid to dream. There is so much you can learn! Feel free to share what you feel comfortable sharing in your reply. You can email me if it’s too personal for public viewing. You’ll receive one of those requests to add you to my email. Take Care!