Thread: Relationship related. Could use some help :)

Hey Casualtie, i just signed up for the journal site and still cannot view the "Whats going on" part, if you allow me to see that then i can help you, out, thanks dude

Nonsense. I'll just copy and paste it. We warned though, it is quite long:

I've been having some feelings for a girl at my school. She is a freshman; I'm a junior. I've spent about a week thinking about the difference and came to the conclusion that the only thing that really matters in a relationship like this is maturity level. It really has nothing to do with age. That problem has been solved.

I have, however, been a little uncertain in regards to her parents' opinion about her date someone two years older than she is. The first attempt we made to hang out together, her mom called her and told her she needed to get home immediately. Her mom wasn't mad because she was out with me, but because she was going out with her mom had never met to a place she had never heard of. It is a reasonable caution on her mom's part, but it was enough to get me nervous.. nervous about whether or not her mom would allow a relationship between us to happen.

..And enough though we aren't going out, I've been having strange jealous or clingy feelings toward her; Like she should be wanting to talk to me all the time and contacting me all the time and not hanging out with anyone over me. I know these feelings are extremely radical, but they keep happening.

Again, this isn't the most of my worries because we aren't even dating yet. I have a really good feeling that she was mutual feelings towards me, though, I've recently been having some doubts (mostly because that is my personality). We've been trying to hang out with each other over the past few weeks, but both times they've been unexpectedly interrupted. I've been keeping in contact with her [usually] daily (whether it be via Myspace, a phone call, AIM, or text message), but I've noticed she hasn't been doing the same. She never seems to want to initiate the conversation. I've been wondering if I'm calling too much, or possibly not enough.

How often is too much? and how rarely is not enough? Basically, I'm worried she isn't initiating the conversation because she thinks I'm trying to talk to her too much before we are even going out? not enough?!

After a second look at the above paragraph another possibility popped into my head. Could she be having the same uncertainty as me? meaning could she not be initiating the conversation because she is afraid I'll think she is trying to talk to me too much before we are even going out?

It was actually a question I posed on a different website, but I think it explains the situation pretty well.

Hmmm, well i can tell from the start that this dream is a result of you current situation, its a terrible situation, i've had a similar experience before, now the dream represents the doubts you may have that she may reject or not like you in the way you want her to, but just because the dream depicts this does not mean it is true, it is only a worry in the back of your mind, your worry is that you will lose these strong feelings for her if she backs down and rejects you, but i'm not as knowledged in the situation as you are, however i can help you get through it if you want my help. Ok, now its obvious you really like her, these strong feelings and emotions that make you drawn to her are making you like you said "clingy", you feel asthough she is the only thing in the world that is special and because you look at her as the most important thing in your life currently you don't want anything to take her away, so you keep in contact with her regularly, checking up on her in a way, making sure she is ok and that she isn't interacting with anyone else, from there on its pretty simple what is needed to do, but its doing it that is the hard part, you need to accept the fact that at this current moment in time feelings may not be mutual, you need to losen the rope a little bit and realise that she is not the only girl out there that you will meet, i'm not saying you should leave her but you need to realise that she may reject you and if you know this then you will be able to handle the rejection alot better. However if you want to try your best to strengthen the relationship you should stop trying to talk to her everyday, by seeing her everyday she may get sick of talking to you, i found this with a girl i fancied, i talked to her everyday on MSN but she never spoke to me directly, i always had to make the first move, i think this drove her further away from me, you can love a girl but you don't want her to think your obsessed with her otherwise she may get a little freaked out and back away, now i'd say that you should maybe cut down the time you speak to her, give her some space, don't worry about these things however if you have feelings for her you should make it clear that she is taken, mark your territory, but you can only really do this when you are both dating, the dream however did give something valid maybe even a sign that can help you, you should try and make friends with her friends, that way if you have a problem you can speak to them, they have better contact with her and they can offer better advice, thats a good step especially if you want to get closer. Now you don't want to leave it too late to ask her out, she may be interested in you but she can sure as hell get bored if you don't get your feelings across at some point, if you don't make your feelings obvious at some point she will not know if you like her or not so she may move onto someone else, but you have an opportunity, your older and mature, girls seem to like that, be individual, make it obvious that your not going to be like any of the other dicks she has dated. I can talk to you more if you want via PM but thats enough for now, but what i'd say is that you should try and cut down on the amount of time you talk to her, try to become friends with her friends so you can know a bit more about her, get some advice. Hope things work out dude, dreams can be powerful things, great for interpreting things aswell, hope that helped dude.

You're overthinking things. Just relax and go with the flow. I take it this would be your first serious relationship, and I suppose it's natural to want everything to be perfect, but it's going to give off a negative image of yourself and make her not want to be around you if you keep stressing over every small detail. The thoughts of jealousy, etc -- let them go. Either she likes you or she doesn't; being jealous isn't going to change that, it's only going to stress you out. Think things through rationally, and realize the worst thing that can happen is things won't work out. That's not at all the end of the world; you're young, and you'll meet dozens of girls after her. Honestly only harm can come from worrying about the situation. Just pursue her, play everything by ear, and try to keep yourself optimistic. It's natural to like someone who's fun to be around, and you won't be fun to be around if you're overanalyzing everything she says and does.