Thread: "Silicon-based lifeform"

Dream:
In this dream I was walking around in some school, walking in corridors, entering rooms. It was the first day of the season, and I was desperate to get a singup for some class/programme, but everything seemed too advanced for me or out of reach for some other reason. I was looking at different science/"computer science" classes but none really "fit" me. I remember
entering one room that had green terminals all over the place, I think it was a school lab room for microprocessor teachings. After being in this room, finding out what the prerequesites (spelling?) were I went out again, ended up in some poker class (yeah, very random and weird). This first poker "lesson" was more like a PE class though, running around, crawling around. Teacher said it was a good disciplinary method to get our minds ready for the real deal...

Feelings:
I remember feeling very unhappy (sad), unmotivated, fatigued and stressful, when I was running around there thru the different corridors, visiting different rooms. I felt... worthless? I was trying to find "my" place, which I couldn't,
and this resulted in many negative feelings comming up in me. I also got a sensation that my father was with me there when I was walking the corridors, but I never actually "saw" him or spoked to him in the dream. I just felt that he was observing me. When I came into the lab room with the green terminals, and after I found out what was required by the student for that class I felt worthless. Everything (educationalwise) that I had done before felt fake - I hadn't learned shit, my "slacking" I've done previously finally came up and showed itself - I was severely underqualified for that class, and it made me feel shit. The poker thing... Seems totally random. I have no interest in that game, and I never play it. So I guess it was just some random thing. Maybe some kind of "last way out" or "this is the only thing Im good for".

Me and my thoughts about this dream:
I've struggled with motivation through my entire life. All the everyday things that normal people finds pleasure in - I feel nothing about. Everytime I finish off a project, a class or test at school, I don't get the same rewarding feelings as normal people do. I simply feel nothing, maybe a slight feeling of relief that goes away quickly and thats about it. This lack of motivation in life is because of my personality (SPD - Schizoid Personality Disorder, which isn't a disorder at all if you ask me. SPD can most easily be explained as "Asocial personality disorder". Im not interested in friends/relationships and I prefer to do most, if not all, things by myself. See wikipedia for a full description). There are other things about this, but they are irrelevant for this dream. Anyway, I've been a university student now for two years. Thing is though that I rarely study. Im a slacker who somehow manages anyway. I've completed 13 out of 16 subjects just by studying maybe 30 minutes a day (approx). Tbh the only reason I went to a university in the first place is because I hate working. So I just applied to some program that I thought I could pass with minimum effort spent, and I got in. It can be hard to understand but I don't really care about my life and my future, honestly. And my life is kinda narrow. All I do is go to school, watch movies, smoke pot now and then, watch TV, play computer games, surf the net and reads books - anything else is boring.

About school: I've failed two programming classes during my time, which I've felt a bit sad/bad about since in one of them I really really tried but failed miserably anyway. And I guess this dream is rooted in my school experience somehow... My subconscious getting worried that Im not gonna graduate or something.

(and btw, don't mind the title. I always write a title for my dreams (I keep a journal) and they are sometimes irrelevant and/or weird
And another thing: I come from a previous dream interpretation forum - Dream Moods - that luckily is dead now. It was a kid-infested hellhole without any forms of forum rules (the whole system/atmosphere there was like some weird mix of anarchism and american communitarianism), and I really hated that place because of all the stupid children around. I was one of the few indivudualists there who wasn't afraid to have my own opinion, and because of that I was loathed there.

Anyway I hope this place isn't like that shitty excuse for a forum.

cheers)