Thread: My face in the mirror / hostiles/ husband being killed

Originally Posted by MsMe20

Hi everyone,

I'm new here, and am hoping for some help to interpret the dream I had last night. Some parts of it I can link to things of the day before or even further back, (I´ll explain in blue), but I could really use some help with the biggest part. Thanks in advance.

I'll see what I can do.

The next moment we´re at a makeup stand with a big mirror, and I realise I´m not wearing any make-up nor did I do my hair. (I never leave the house without make-up or combing my hair, I'm too insecure for that.) Neither did my friend.

OK, here's a good clue and one you picked up on too. In dreams we often behave in ways our ego defenses would never allow us to do in real life. Whatever you worry about in real life that causes you to put on make up and do your hair is not a worry in your dream.

Mirrors are interesting too. They can often be quite mystical, seeing ourselves in different ways.

So we start using the testers to fix ourselves up. I remember picking up a neutral color lipgloss, and started putting it on but when I glance in the mirror I see that the lipgloss I'm putting on is bright red. I thought 'oh well, now that its on might as well finish it', but while trying I go outside the lines, I try to whipe it off but end up smudging it. I continue with some other make up, and finish with putting some mascara in my hair...

The colour red often relates to blood and thence to life and passion.

I look in the mirror and see my own face clearly. I'm wearing pink eyeshadow, pink eyelashes, red lipstick (neatly this time), my hair is short. In my hair I have black mascara in the front, some pink colors on one side and glitter on the other. (in my waking life I haven't had short hair since I was 8, I hate to have my hair short since my mom would always cut it short against my wishes when I was small, making me look like a boy. Also I only wear neutral colored make-up, to be on the safe side)

You're really in experimental mode here! First you go out with no make-up now you have short hair!

In the second part of my dream I'm again in a mall, a real one this time, holding my 5 month old son, standing next to my husband. (In my waking life I have 2 sons of 5 months & 2,5 years old) We're standing outside of a store. Inside the store is my mother-in-law looking at t-shirts. She wants to buy one for her other son as a souvenir. There are a lot of people passing by. Then one guy looks at my son and strokes his cheek. I didnt think it was weird because he probably thought he was cute. But then he strokes my cheek. I give him a frowny look. My husband also noticed and asked the guy what the heck he was doing.
Then the guy started to threaten my husband. A friend of the guy appears. They must have had some weapon or something because the managed to get my husband to lay down on the floor, as well as my brother-in-law who all of a sudden appeared, both stomach down. I knew they wanted to kill them. I get so angry and scared. I wanted to attack them, beat them up, scratch their eyes out, but I couldn't because I also had my baby to protect.

A double-bind. What to do - abandon baby or abandon husband?
A double-bind reveals our values, which for you is about protecting the vulnerable in this instance.

Some moments I would forget I'm holding my baby and start yelling at them in rage, but then I'd remember my son, stop yelling & backed off in order to avoid getting their attention thus protecting my son. I felt so angry scared and powerless.
All of a sudden I'm making my way outside, following a lot of running people. This time I'm alone, I didnt lose my baby, he's just not with me. We're running outside to some fields. On the fields are standing a lot of people, screaming & crying, but staying on one spot. I also see the two guys from the mall, this time holding knifes & rifles. I know they have a lot of accomplices this time yet I don't see them. I walk into the field because I'm looking for my husband. I see a large pit. In that pit are a lot of bodies, but most of them are not dead yet. Then I recognize my husband, lying there with sunglasses on, I know he's been shot, but he's not dead, he's still moving. Then I realise that the people standing on the field are all familymembers or relatives of the people in the pit. They have to watch their loved ones die in that pit, without being able to do anything about it. I see a woman next to me in red, crying and screaming. (All of the people on the fields, in the pit, the men with guns & their accomplices were dark skinned/African, except for me & my husband)I realise I'm standing to much in the open and drop to the ground, again avoiding their attention, and was thinking of how to stop them, if only I had a gun I could've shot them.
Then I wake up thanks to my alarm clock.

That got really horrendous. Wonder what the meaning of the skin colour is? Did you feel you'd been placed in the wrong group or something? Did you identify with the victims?

The short hair with colors I can link to my mother, I was visiting her yesterday. She had a new haircut, short with locks of red/brown. My reflection in the dream had the same hairdo, only different colors. The people in the fields and the whole setting reminded me of the movie Hotel Rwanda, about the war between the hutu's & tutsi's. I've seen that movie twice but that was a long time ago.

Yes, I had a massacre like that in mind. I guess that movie triggered the dream and somehow you identified with it. I haven't seen Hotel Rwanda, but I wonder if you identified with the victims and perhaps worried irrationally that it could have been your family massacred? I suspect the director wanted viewers to feel that way.

And thats all the links I could make. The rest doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Again thanks in advance for any comments or thoughts on this!

**On a side note, me and my husband are South American and Indonesian, we have friends with roots from all over the globe and I don't feel threatened by people just because of where they are from. Just to avoid questions or interpretations asking/saying if/that I'm uncomfortable around people with a certain background. Thanks. **

Thanks, maybe that helps, as you are perhaps used to being in an ethnic minority.

So, how to put it all together? One possible line starts with the insecurity thing you mentioned at the start. With your worries about insecurity aside, the rest of the dream opens up, revealing some of the things you worry about, deep down. You want to protect the vulnerable but maybe you feel vulnerable yourself? Could it be that somehow the make-up helps you to feel less vulnerable? I'll stop there as the next stage means getting more specific and I'd like to read your feedback.

Long dreams are bound to throw up a number of possibilities and I could be well off course. Does what I've written raise any possibilities?

Hello BU,

First of all, thanks for taking the time to look into this. It's much appreciated.

Yes you've certainly raised some possibilities.

Starting with the massacre and the link to the movie: I was definitely feeling for the victims in that movie. I also just couldn't get into how people can be so full of hate and so cruel and numb that they can kill all these people, and little children. I myself would be so terrified if there was a war going on & I have these two little children to protect. Since I have kids I'm very sensitive and can barely watch any violence anymore. And if I see anything happen to small kids or babies I usually switch channels. So because of that and because of the movie being based on true events and it being well-acted it made a big impact on me.

I'm also not sure about the difference in skin color. It could be just because of the reference to the movie, but I also feel out of place a lot of the time. We've only been living in this small town for 3 years now so I'm still getting to know people. Also I'm insecure a lot and often let people walk all over me, so I guess you could say I feel 'less worthy' than them. (This problem I had a while but am glad to say is being worked on & getting slightly better). Only in my dream people were not noticeing us not being black, we were just part of the whole drama. In the dream I also didn't really pay attention to that difference. Could this mean that I feel different or 'less' than others but subconsciously I know that people don't look at me differently? Or at least hope that they don't.

You want to protect the vulnerable but maybe you feel vulnerable yourself?

I think this is a good point. Sometimes I do feel like I should stand up better for myself in order to teach that to my sons. I was just thinking about this a couple of days ago and decided to do something about that.

Could it be that somehow the make-up helps you to feel less vulnerable?

Definitely. It makes me more confident. I'm just bummed sometimes about the fact that I don't dare to go outside the house without it. Would save me a lot of time.

Thanks again so far.

Certainly a few things to conjure with there, MsMe20. Difficult to say about if other people notice you're different to them or not. The point is not whether they do or not, but whether you're anxious that they might. Interesting that the other people in your dream didn't seem to take any notice that you weren't black, which suggests either that you're worried about indiscriminate killing or that perhaps they thought you were black.

Well, these are just ideas. Let's see if anyone else comes along and gives some feedback. There are many ways of looking at dreams.