In response to IrisRavenstar....
I still am under the impression you want me to.
I have said from the start that this is an incorrect impression. I wanted someone to help me with the meaning/symbology of the dream. I know its a dream and not reality. I've also stated i'm not looking for you to tell me "what I want to hear" whatever you assume that may be. And quite frankly, I REALLY don't know where you are drawing these impressions since I NEVER ANYWHERE said anything close to the effect of "I want someone to tell me what I want to hear.
I told you from the start that I couldn't do that. I'm sorry if I'm not giving you what you want, or think you need. I've done the best I could to say what I really see.
Thank you for your time. But you don't have to apologize because contrary to what you believe, I NEVER asked for that, NOR, regardless of what you say, did I EVER give you the impression that I wanted you, or anyone else to tell me what I wanted to hear. And just because I disagree with you on your premature and biased assessment of fantasy-wish-fulfillment does NOT constitute valid reason for you to get these "impressions." But I digress as I am not trying to tell you what or how to think.
Remember, you said you loved your wife when you were first married. She didn't live up to your fantasy of her.
This isn't a psycho-analysis we are talking about here. I know good and well what a fantasy projection is. Its absurd you think I fell in love with a fantasy of her. I would very much respect that opinion if you were a professional psychologist and I was your client and IN YOUR OFFICE, however, this is NOT the case. You know nothing about us other than what I said and no where in any of that did I give you enough information to properly assess that I fell in love with a fantasy of my wife. Thats just utterly ridiculous and downright arrogant on your part. Not even our marriage counselor (whom is a licensed psychologist) has assessed that I fell in love with a fantasy of my wife.
Why do you then think that Nicki, who you really don't know as an adult, will?
How do you assume I don't know Nicky??? Did I mention anywhere in there that I don't know Nicky as an adult??? Where do you draw this conclusion from??? I'm a little confused with this one. I've known her VERY well for the MAJORITY of her life (and that includes her adult life). Just because I don't talk to her EVERYDAY does not mean I do not know her or interact with her. (Heck, I don't even talk to my own mother, father, or sisters sometimes for months, does this mean I don't know them as well? No, it does not.) I am NOT in love with the IDEA of her. I know what idealization is and trust me when I tell you that this is not even close to that.
I am also doing the best I can here when I tell you that you probably need to make a decision and take some action.
I also asked for a dream analysis, NOT LIFE OR MARRIAGE ADVICE. I've got family, friends, and a MARRIAGE COUNSELOR for that, but thanks anyway. I appreciate your good intentions.
Either really let go of Nicki and focus on your marriage, or make the decision to get a divorce and work it out as well and responsibly as you can for your children.
AGAIN, I asked for a dream analysis, NOT LIFE OR MARRIAGE ADVICE. I've got family, friends, and a MARRIAGE COUNSELOR for that, but thanks anyway. I appreciate your good intentions.
But this limbo state of yearning after a fantasy of Nicki isn't doing anyone any favors. It is causing harm to your real relationships.
Good grief... How much clearer can I be??? This is NOT a "limbo state of me yearning after a fantasy or idea of Nicky." I have done that when I was a teenager with other women. I do not fall in love with the idea or dreams of people. That is ridiculous. In hindsight, when I did it when I was in high school, I realize as I got older it was ridiculous. I did NOT fall in love with the fantasy or idea of Nicky. You are absolutely unequivocally 100 million trillion billion googolplex percent wrong on that. I fell in love with HER, the REAL person, our REAL experiences together, not a bunch of imagined, good feeling ideas or dreams of her, or us, not the imagined idea of her or imagined idea of being with her, and NOT the fantasy of her, or being with her. And DEFINITELY not the idealized version of her.
My feelings for Nicky are NOT causing harm to my relationship. Our (my wife and I) incompatibilities are causing harm to our relationship. My feelings for Nicky have NEVER influenced ANY decision or action I have taken within my marriage. This is a gross error in assumption you have made, but I digress.
It seems that no matter what I say you will paint any positive dream I may post with a "fantasy wish-fulfillment" brush, even if has nothing to do with relationships.
In my first dream, you could have easily assessed that as fantasy/wish-fulfillment in that I wanted to leave, BUT, you took the symbology and broke it down. Then in the other dreams, you labeled them as fantasy/wish fulfillment right from the start.
I understand you tried to help after I asked for it. I appreciate your input, but I respectfully have to say that most of your assumptions and assessments have been waaaay wrong, especially about you thinking I am here for you, or anyone else to feed me a piece of golden pie with sugar and cherry on top. Thats just arrogance on your part after I told you that wasn't the case and you continued to assume it was.
We all do this when we're young, you know? I'm old, in case you didn't read my profile. My youngest child is 36.
What does this statement qualify??? I humbly say that age makes no difference here. I have friends your age and some old enough to be your parents. And to be quite honest, some people do this when they are your age and older too. And while I do appreciate your input, I didn't come here asking for life advice or looking for instructions on actions to take based on a dream analysis. At the most, I may possibly have thought deeply about the analysis of the DREAM. I simply wanted someone to analyze the dream itself and maybe some themes in them if they saw any.
When we're young we have this romantic fantasy in our heads, and we kind of paste it onto someone, and then expect them to live up to the fantasy, when really, we were never looking at the person really in the first place. I've done it. I've been married for 31 years to someone who tried to *force* me into HIS fantasy of what his wife should be, which seemed to be a composite of his mother and his deceased older sister, neither of whom were anything like me. I know better now than to form a fantasy image of someone and expect it to be reality.
You know, you are not the only one who has experience with fantasy/wish-fulfillment and can recognize it (not saying you said you were). I did the fantasy projection with a girl in high school. All through high school I had the biggest crush/infatuation on her. I thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world. After high school, I thought to myself that what I felt for her was unjustified. I didn't "know" this girl and to be honest, she never gave me the time of day. In hindsight, I know completely that I had a crush on her and was infatuated with her and those were definitely NOT feelings of love. So I know good and well what a fantasy projection is, and I know better than to form a fantasy image of someone and expect it to be reality. Furthermore, I knew my wife pretty darn well when we got together. She asked for a second chance and I gave her one. She didn't live up to her promises and self goals. No need for me to go more in depth than that.
You said yourself you see people posts dreams of fantasy/wish-fulfillment all the time. Maybe seeing so many has caused some bias on your part. I say this again because you took my first dream and analyzed the info within the dream (in which that dream was mostly negative) but in the next dream, which was positive, you simply pointed out all the things that YOU thought backed up you assessment of the dream being a fantasy. You did not analyze it the same way you did the first one because, like you said, you are so used to "seeing" dreams about fantasies.
I had a few more dreams I wanted someone to analyze. I really do appreciate your feedback but i'll pass on your input for the other ones. I'd appreciate input from someone who was a lot less biased. I'm no dream expert but I've got a pretty good idea that not all good or positive dreams are about fantasy/wish-fulfillment, and not all bad or negative toned dreams are the ones we should listen to and take something from (and no, I never said you said that).
I'll leave you with this. I have had dreams interpreted before by professionals and other people. And in the case where the assessment was fantasy/wish-fulfillment, I usually agreed if the interpretation didn't seem biased like this one is. So, again, just because I am not agreeing with you does not in any way, shape, or form validate, nor confirm your assessment or impression that I am here for someone to tell me what I want to hear or that you are right about my real life situations.
Thank you again and have a good day.
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