Bare with me... it is in fragments.

Working the evening to night shift, at some restaurant, in an indoor shopping centre. Realise im locked in there, yet have to finish duties, cleaning the kitchen floors, sides, etc. See its time to leave. Wonder the shopping centre alone,a few early morning workers milling around in places, opening a few stores. Felt isolated yet, a strange inner harmony was formed through my wondering there, and many wamr shades cascaded through the windows.

Walking in the shopping centre, its day time, with two guys, apparently my friends? Walking through book store to get out, has selection of really old books. One book stands out, I realise in the dream, it is a book I used to own but lost a long time ago, a huge book filed with facts, information, ideaologies, philosophies, case studies for psychology, art, artists, poets etc... most humanitarian things. (Juts realised on the front cover it inclued a painting I had to do for my Graphic Design school lesson. Its not that good a picture, but why it was on that book cover??...) I buy it, and start to flick through it as we walk outside into the setting sun. Street filled with people meandering about, grey setting, grey blue atmosphere, concrete and grey blue clouds seem prmominent. I find a little grey/black cat (or kitten?). Pick it up, cary it with me as it seems hungry and in need of affection. Then come across some old guy, talking random crap with some other old guy. he is bald, has a big long white beard, and I think he is Jewish. The cat jumps out of my arms and runs off. he claims the cat is his, in the dream I know he is lying and just wants it for himself. We chase the cat trying to find it. I am faster then him. he sees I have more chance of catching it, so he calls out to a big Russian (?) guy he knows in the street and starts pleading with him to help him, and to throttle me.. I just walk away, form it, thinking the cat isnt that important to get my head kicked in.

Suddenly in a hospital or psych ward?... I am just an onlooker, viewing a few feet away from a bed. 4 or 5 doctors and nurses, or psychiatric nurses are surounding a woman. She has long dark out out of control hair, messy. Dark leather jacket. She is on the bed, seems neutral. I am reading in this huge book I bought, about certain pathalogical psychosis interpretations. Simultaniouly, something is happenig to this woman surround by the doctors and nurses. She starts having almost like a seizure, or convulsions, and as I am watching I am also reading bits of the book and it is collating with what she is going through and also what the doctors are saying, which was somehting along the lines of, "She has panic attacks when she feels threatened. Mostly the threat is imaginary but none the less real to her, a real danger to her psyche, and she will fight to the death to survive." As they are talking about her, it seems to draw those symptomsout of her, and she convulses even worse. It seems that, with each convulsion, she becomes more angry at something, and is fighting against something. They hold her down, then suddenly she seems demonic, possessed. As this happens, they are talking to her, saying, "this is how you ended up murdering 3 (or 4?) people, not because you hated them, but because you were possessed, you were fighting against an unseen enemy or force inside you" her eyes go up, into her sockets. they administer a shot to calm her down. She had apparently killed a couple of friends, a lover and I think someone else, in these seizures.. I felt horrified watcing, listening. Seeing her actually capable of that, terrified me. Her eyes rolling back into her sockets, and seeming totally possessed, clearly seeing and feeling her rage towards some unknown entity within her, though to her probably seemed without her. She had no control over whatever function it was making her have these seizures, black outs, fits of rage.


(in reality, not in the dream scape, I recently met up with an old friend that I had axed due to a timultuous sometimes almost emotionally violent relationship, tho it never seemed to go as far as violence, but felt like it could a few times. I feel the crazy woman is a cross breed in my psyche of myself and him. tho, it could also be a gf i recently had a long crazy relationship with, tho I had this dream the night of the day I had met up with my friend and re established a friendship again... I have to stress that, in the dream, the womans cyclic convulsions, or pnaick atatcks, or sudden fits, where she was being restrained, disturbed me the most. If they hadnt been holding her down, she would have killed anyone who was directly infront of her. She had unbelievable strength, and the pure hatred and venom in her, i could feel it from viewing her. When her eyes went back into her sockets, she really did seem as if possessed, liek demonic, like pure rage engulfed her, no logic, no reason, just primal kill instinct.... also, the old jewish bald guy, he was debating philosophy with some other old guy. lately I have had some heated debates with other philosophers, them being more mentally advanced then me, but I eventually see through the psuedo intellectualism and realise, it is just a cover for something far more devious and combative in my opinion, (tho, as is usually the case, I am the main culprit of this judgement, i think i have these traits that are burried and not dealt with, not used, but not dealt with). though, I think this is partly due to the fact, we cannot escape the animal in us, the need to dominate territory, the ego spraying its scent to gain dominance in an insecure world... I have to actually add, I am not a threatening looking man physically, but I have quite a vile temper when it sparks, yet amazingly, I have never been in a fight. I have always managed to talk my way out of fights. Maybe I am a coward, maybe I truely desire peace yet feel all this rage so often due to complexes within me that are as of yet unresolved... I have had many violent dreams... Anyway ... What does everyone think? Am I a loon? Will I end up in a psych ward soon? Im new so Hello to all and thanks for any interpretations.....yes, mental home...soon..)