i was raped

[j_lemens1982]

I had the weirdest dream the other night that involved my fiancée's best friend, Scott, who happens to be be dating my sister. We all live together so I see him all the time. The dream starts out in a small room like a dorm room on a college campus. There are two beds on opposite sides of the room. I am sitting on one bed with Scott just talking while my fiancée is fast asleep on the other bed. All of a sudden Scott forces himself on me. I am screaming and kicking but to no avail. My fiancée never wakes up, in fact his snoring seems to be a bit louder than my screaming. I've dreamed about being raped before, especially after I was assaulted a long time ago, however this time I had a terrible feeling of dread and fear. The feeling of being completely helpless and utterly violated came during the dream and are still with me today. I just want to know what all this means and what can I do to get myself get over it. I haven't told either one of them about it, and feel sort of ashamed (almost like as if it really happened). What do I take away from this?

[Harper]

Hi there. I've had disturbing dreams like that before, so I know how bad it feels and how hard they are to shake. Just off the bat, I would say that since the feelings you took away from the dream were being helpless and violated that those feelings might be a place to start, instead of on the dream rape. I can't even begin to decode the dream, not knowing you or your situation, but I'll tell you something that has helped me in the past. If this was "just a dream", then everybody and everything in the dream came from you and your subconscious, if you will. Do you meditate? Even if you don't, my suggestion would be to get really relaxed and comfortable, clear your mind for a while, and then invite each "person" in the dream into your mind and ask them what they mean and why they were in your dream. Since they are all from you, you should be able to answer. Just make a note of any impressions or feelings that come up and you will probably get some clues as to what the dream is all about. That tactic has helped me a lot when I've had really disturbing dreams that I just can't make sense of! I hope it helps. Good luck.

[Naiya]

A lot of times, when something traumatic happens, you can have terrible nightmares like this for a long time. In this case, it may actually help to go to a counselor or therapist a few times just to talk about some of your feelings. People say that time heals all wounds, but IMO, emotional wounds can reopen again later, or creep up again for whatever reason just when we think they're gone. I'm not a professional, but it may be that your dream represents an unconscious fear and distrust of men in general, and not necessarily any judgement on this person. I think that considering what happened before, this is a completely normal emotional response. Or, it could have some completely different meaning. Dreams are kind of strange that way. BUT the most important thing to remember when trying to figure out a dream is how you felt at the time. So because there was such strong emotion in this dream, it definitely had an important meaning. When you have very traumatic, emotional nightmares, a lot of times it is because your subconscious is trying to get you to pay attention to those feelings and issues and try to heal them. I totally understand how you feel with these nightmares. Don't let people tell you "oh it's just a dream" -- we all know that dreams, especially non-lucids, are every bit as real as real life because our perception of reality is subjective. Therefore there is nothing wrong with being bothered by nightmares like this. Lucid dreaming and dream control are another path that may be able to help you understand and resolve nightmares.

[Zhaylin]

I hope you are doing better and that you're still lurking here. Are you happy about all of you living together? Do you feel like you're losing your sister? Because you were assaulted in your past, that sort of violation is likely to get your attention and FAST. Do you feel like Scott is really violating you by either his constant presence within the home or by "taking" your sister away from you? Because your fiancee sleeps through the attack, perhaps you feel uncertainty in your relationship. Does he "hear" you when the two of you speak or is he dismissive? Do you feel like you can count on him or is he usually self-absorbed? Because you were in a dorm-type room, are any of you in college or planning on leaving to go? Perhaps you feel violated because your little group is breaking up? I hope you've not had any similar dreams! Be well, Zhaylin

[Tarsier]

Nice av Harper.