Thread: Feeble Wizard's: Primary Source

Later I will edit this post and include a graph that tracks my dream recall and lucid dreaming attempts. It will not be ready for some time, but I am going to want it at the top of this journal, so that is why I am writing here now . I could just make this a private entry, but nah.

#1 "SEEKER'S QUEST: WHO AM I?" Thursday, ninth day of June

This LD is notable because perhaps it demonstrates a bit about the nature of dream characters.

Earlier I had been with my mother (don't remember much else)... I was walking around in an area that looked a bit like a Goron (Zelda 64) dwelling. There were tall, open spaces and winding path tunnels. The walls were brown and had long, vertical tiles. It was this likeness to Goron territory that made me lucid . I was weary of reality checks because earlier this morning I had a lucid dream in which I failed at them a few times, but I vaguely remember trying to float and I maybe felt a little light. I quickly descended a stairwell and exited out a garage-style door. Outside it was very sunny and there was an endless expanse of grass and rolling foothills.

Outside their were several dream characters that brought me to a basketball court and tried to involve me in some activity that I did not really understand. I remembered the task of the month and asked them, "Who am I?" They completely ignored me at first but I kept asking them over and over again. They kept on planning their activity, but in time they started to get confused. Some of them started to weakly ask their leader "Who am I?" This annoyed me a little at first because they were talking to the leader and not me; however I soon realized that the situation was quite interesting because it was being illustrated exactly what part of my mind the DCs were. Then my mom came up to me and I remember from the earlier part of my dream that her DC was much more developed than that of the strangers. I asked her the question and she got this look on her face that she always gets when she is about to say something smart. She said "You're Feeble Wizard's (real name actually, and she was not commenting on my avatar) face!" She walk with me and discussed this for a long time and I don't really remember what she said specifically -- basically she explained that who she is talking to is the ego, but that everything in the dream world and indeed my universe (or essentially my understanding of the universe) was all truly me. She was basically telling me what I already thought! I enjoyed listening and appreciated the quality of this DC; however, I wanted to hear what another more dissimilar DC would say. I told my mom that I wanted to get another opinion and she faded black. Here I changed my mind and then asked her to come back and the dream unraveled and faded.

Now I suspect that perhaps in this dream my mom was the carrier of some of my logical faculties or knowledge; instead of dismissing her, maybe I should have somehow tried and absorbed her!

#2 "LITTLE PROGRESS WITH A VAN, GOOD PROGRESS WITH AWARENESS; HEMISPHERIC DREAM CONFERENCE" Wednesday, first day of June.

The first part of this dream is non-lucid, and perhaps a bit boring -- you might want to skip or maybe not ... The second part (where the light bulb is ) is lucid, and is very interesting because it includes a chase with a living shopping cart (similar to the beginning of Ghostbusters II) as well as a split screen experience where my the right hemisphere bails out of a dying dream before my left hemisphere does !

I was in school, perhaps elementary school, helping my grandma do her work. She might have been blind, and I can't remember what we were working on. Anyway, I had to go out to my dad's van and get something. I went out to the parking lot and actually put a camera into a blue van. I came back to the classroom and the work was very very easy. For some reason, I realized that the blue van was not my dad's van, but a feild trip van. I went out to the parking lot again, but I realised that I had the wrong key ! I went out to the classroom and asked the teacher once again if I could go out. He said that it was fine, and it stuck me that he was very kind. Now because of some event that I do not remember, I thought that people were going to come out and take my stuff from the blue van, not knowing it was mine ! So now there was some urgency. I went out to the parking lot yet again and saw my Dad's real life white work van with the proper lettering and recognized it as the van I was looking for. Earlier it was nighttime but from this point until the end of the dream it was daytime and overcast outside. I saw a kid with a bag of things including a camera. I ran after him and asked him about the camera, but I realized it was not mine. We were in an enclave hall with a round, steel, pulsative door; the door made me uneasy and made me feel I was dreaming because it had a presense very similar to an evil "entity" ( a demon I call the "Devil in the Dark" that Iooks like a fiery ring) that I met in a cave during a previous dream.

I was out in the parking lot again and the blue van looked so far away, that I figured that I should just teleport to it since I was dreaming. I realised I was lucid! Fearing that I would waste time, I was desperate to find something interesting to do! I saw a grocery cart full of items. Wild, I started chasing it, feeling predatory. The cart became fightened and started rolling away from me in exactly the same fashion as Oscar's carriage fled in the opening scene of Ghostbusters II ! I was having fun and wanted to try pursuing it in a go kart :RallySmile:! I positioned my legs as they would be if they were in a kart and I sat down, pretending to have a steering wheel in my hands. I was able to drive around in this make-beleive kart, albeit not very well ! I soon decided it would be best to get back on my feet, so I put my feet on the ground stopping myself and feeling the pavement. Here things really fell apart and became very fuzzy and I yelled "Increase lucidity now!" but things continued to deteriorate. It got so bad that the only real pavement that could be seen was a focussed strip that looked grainy as the road does when you look out of the front of a moving car. Even this started to look as if it were underwater, but I struggled as hard as I could to concentrate on stabilizing the dream. Suddenly, my dream became a split screen where the left half of my visual field went to another dream that featured a zoomed, blurry closeup of LEGO pegs ! After stuggling for a moment, I surrendered to the dream on the left and the image zoomed out, showing a grey LEGO platform. As it zoomed it became perfectly clear. Soon a yellow temple with a round top was quickly constructed. The round area on top transformed into a bowl of tea and tiny men appeared around it as if it were a roundtable. The leader said in a congratulatory manner, "Lucidity will open up the path to great success." I lifted a spoon with a very tiny scoop from the tea and toasted. The were large grains of sugar on the spoon.

It is very significant that the LEGO field appeared on the left side. This indicates that the right hemisphere of my brain had come up with its own dream, even as my left hemisphere was floundering with the parking lot. This is funny because they left side contains the ego, which in this case wanted to stay in the dream, and the right side is the side that recognizes and creates change. The left and right occipital lobes see the right and left sides of your visual field respectively.

Perhaps if I had just let the first dream fade expecting a new dream, I would have had more time in the second dream...

#3 "THE BLIND ONIERONAUT" Second Saturday of January.

This is my second lucid dream. This was quite a while ago, and above this entry I wrote "Trying to sleep." This may have actually been a WILD in which the dreamscape was not allowed to fully developed to the level that it should have. The ants may have been a well developed form of hypnogogic imagery (my most vivid HI tends to be of ants and spiders). As far as I know, the only kind of lucid dreaming that I have been able to do is DILD, so if this was WILD, I must have lost my attention and then regained it during the final stages. If this is WILD, then that is quite disappointing to me because that means that after all of the work I have done on WILD, I have become considerably worse at it !
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I was in my downstairs bathroom looking at what looked liked a tarantula's web on the door. It served as an nest for several gigantic ants that had thick, yellow hairs. Although I realised that they looked quite a bit like tarantulas, I somehow knew that they were ants and felt that they were completely non-threatening; I felt that I was being silly for comparing them to spiders. Throughout this fascinating experience I knew that I was dreaming, but I did not realize that I could controll myself until I walked away from the web . My dream mostly faded and I found myself walking around in complete blackness; however, I could still feel my feet on the ground. I reached out my hands and felt along the wall as I walked and then grabbed a square post and swung around it. The basement was as it is in real life. I began to feel as if I was half-dreaming and I stopped. Maybe the reason I could not see, I thought, was because my eyes were closed. I slowly opened my dream eyes and saw my messy basement with my ping pong table out of place. I quickly tried to look at my hands, but moved my real hands instead, waking me up.

#4 "PARALYZED FROM THE RETINA DOWN" First Saturday of May.

This lucid is pretty silly but it illustrates a strange state that I go into occasionally where my body is gone and my vision is fragmented; in some cases my mind and thought processes are fragmented, too. It reminds me of the occult theory in which you leave your body when you dream and when you awake you are zipped back -- but in this case I zip back all jumbled up .
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I had a false awakening in which none of the lights worked. I was in an apartment, although in real life I live in a house. A vacume cleaner was running and I was studying the walls because they seemed a bit unfamiliar to me. Then the texture on the walls shifted. I was starting to get the feeling that something was odd, but I had to go to the bathroom. The bathroom was just as it was in real life. I was just about to go, but I stopped and really started wondering if I was dreaming . I pinched my nose and I could breath freely. I had not been lucid in two weeks, so I was pretty excited . In celebration I shot a stream of pee straight into the air, right into the bathroom mirror . Unfortunately, in the excitement I fell apart -- I found myself in bed fragmented. I could see my window with light coming through, but had a completely different image with each eye. It was like my eyes were disconnected and laying on my bed. I could see that I had no body, and of course I was completely paralysed. I stayed in this pathetic state for a while . When I awoke, I was facing the same wall, but my head was not aligned with the window; also, less light was shining through as well. It is also worth noting, I think, that I didn't wet the bed .


Earlier that day, before I slept, I looked into the very same bathroom mirror and and winked with each eye rapidly back and forth. I was trying to isolate the two images and noting the difference in perspective between each eye. I am sure that this is what triggered the event.

#5 "FIND A NEW COLOR PART ONE: RAINBOWS OVER THE WATER" Friday, June 24.

For a long time I have wanted to complete the seemingly impossible task of discovering a new color that is not a mixture of red, blue and green. One of the simplist potential ways of doing this is through dreaming, although it still seems like it might be a long shot. Here is a pretty good topic about this. Although I made no apparent progress here, this dream is where I first start dreaming about the question of color . However, it is not until dream #6 that I actually study it.
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This was a very long dream in which I was conscious pretty much the entire time. It seems that I was lucid on and off, but I only remember one time specifically. The first thing that I can remember is looking out to sea and seeing some kind of spectacular sunset in the sky. I was in a place that was like a very gigantic Seaworld, or maybe like the Luna Stadium from Final Fantasy X, but instead of the blitzball field there was a sea. I stared at the colorful sky as I walked across the front row; then I looked at the thousands of people in the crowded seats. I went up to the boxed seats up in the corner when my mom was, but from that angle I could only see gold pillars of light coming down. I think that this represents that my subconscious thinks that my mom does not see as much beauty in things as I do .

Afterwards, I was at some campground at the main meeting place (This was the same area I think, just changed a little). There I saw the most incredible rainbow in the sky -- there was a discrete, separated band of each color. I said "Whoa! Howetzer was right after all!" because a long time ago Howetzer and I had a disagreement where he thought that the rainbow was made up of seven distinct colors (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet), and I thought that the spectrum was completely continuous and that these colors were chosen a bit arbitrarily. However, I counted the bands and there were clearly more than seven there. As I studied the rainbow, it became convoluted and looked a bit like a stage from Super Monkey Ball 2. I was discussing this with a couple of dream characters and we realized that it was really just one band that wrapped around and gradually changed its color. Walking out of the area, I noticed that a band came down over the exit path and that from close up I could see that they were pipes. There was a connection between two separate pipes of different colors and they looked pretty chinsy. I think they had asbestos around them . I am not sure when this happened, but I also remember walking out and noticing that the bands were actually on an emmense glass holographic screen...

Later I was back at the campground but it also seemed to be my old elementary school. A teacher told me to go down to some shed or cabin and make sure that there were no criminals hiding out there. I went down a dirt path and came up to an old cabin in the woods on the bank of a stagnant pond. There was a lot of tall grass there. The cabin was dark inside and I met a person that apparently was a security guard at the window. He was quite suspicious of me and thought I was there to cause trouble. He took out a few rifles and stared loading them up with bullets as he interrogated me, asking what I was up to. He said that he might have to report me. Perhaps this DC's expectation that I was a criminal was a reflection of my expectation to find a criminal, since DC's often seem to reflect your state of mind and vice versa (I've heard that sometimes if you attack a DC you will soon feel the fear yourself). I went into the cabin and we discussed something; we became friendly towards each other . I left happy with the idea that he had taught me something, although I can't remember what he said. It is possible that he told me that I was dreaming, because when I left I was lucid !

Unfortunately, when I become lucid, I often panic. I am afraid that I will wake up soon, so I am always far too eager to "take advantage of lucidity," or in other words, do something really off the wall. This time I looked at the stagnant pond and thought it would be fun to try and walk on water. I did not get far and started struggling to swim. I became dream-unstable, and I think I drowned . As usual, I lost lucidity while expecting to wake up.

The next thing I know, the shed watchman had saved me from drowning. I was thinking that I was a football player or something ... Anyway, I truimphantly returned to school/camp, telling everyone how I succeeded at patrolling the storage shed and how great the watchman was. The class was doing a show-and-tell or oral report, and I did my report on what the guard had taught me (whatever it was). The other students mostly did reports on model cars, and I thought that their performance was greatly more inferior to mine (whatever it was!). I was supposed to be in a group of three, but this changed because I had left on my errand; anyway, the other two students had two model cars and one contraption that was supposed to be thier project. It consisted of a few plastic sheets stuck together and was supposed to represent what was going on with either the car or the van depending on its configuration. I thought it was pretty pathetic . One kid pointed out to the class that the trunk of the toy van could lift up and the van's frame could shift. The other kid shouted, "Don't do that!" because there was of course no way to represent such events with the flimsy sheets of plastic. Me and everyone else in the room started laughing.

#6 "FIND A NEW COLOR PART TWO: A RESEARCH TEAM AND I EXPERIMENT, ALTHOUGH NON-LUCID" Thursday, June 30.

Here I actually make progress with this mission. I do what I have intended to do for a long time, although not lucid. It is interesting that the day before I had a lucid dream where I talked to a dreamguide and she told me all kinds of things about the Dreamworld. Although I forgot all that was said , after having this next dream I think I vaguely remember talking about this task to find a new color (or maybe my mind is just playing tricks on me ). So even though I was not lucid in this dream, the lab experiment may have been requested while lucid .
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Me and a team of dream characters were using laboratory equipment to try to find a new color. Oddly, I was not lucid at any point in this dream. I was in some kind of library, I think, and there were beige box-shaped machines on the table-tops. Each one of us had a slightly different machine that seemed to be somehow customized to us. I noticed that some of the machines had long, violet, convoluted tubes that look like an angular small intestine sticking out of them; these tubes picked up light and were the input. I think it is important that this tube was shaped exactly as the rainbow from dream #5 directly above. My machine had an eyepiece that I looked into, and a saw a dull, bland, color wheel. I was disappointed with the dull quality , but other people got better images. I remember one other person (I will call him Celeb) found that he could find other colors not on the rainbow by taking a strip of plastic from a garbage bag and stretching it out on the slide. I seemed to be unable to try this because I was using a different kind of machine.

On each machine there was an identical slot not unlike the A Drive of a computer. I think the floppy disks for them were triangle-shaped. On each slot there was a red and yellow warning sign, which may have warned about LASER or UV light or something. I remember thinking that the older models had no use for an A Drive, but they had one put in anyway because it was foreseen that it would be necessary later on. I awoke soon after.

This is obviously a very important step on my mission. I don't know if this will lead anywhere, but I can only gain from being optimistic (I don't mind being let down )! It seems that for me to see this new color, I will need to get access to Celeb's machine. If it turns out that only he can use this machine, then the obvious solution would be to use that dangerous-looking floppy drive . Another possible solution would be to absorb Celeb, although I really don't know how this works, not to mention what part of my mind Celeb represents... It is interesting how the process used to find the new color involved taking a strip of plastic from a garbage bag and stretching it out on the side. Since I often associate the word "plastic" with the ability of the brain to do new things, I would bet that an unused ("garbage") plastic part of my brain was used to create this color.

Here is the progress I have made with lucidity over time. It seems that my persistance is paying off! Under both "LDs" (Blue) and "Power," (Purple) I made a score for each day.

LDs: For every lucid (a dream where I knew that I was dreaming) I added one point.

Power: Lucid in which
-- I wake up or lose lucidity in a few seconds........................................... ...........0pts.
-- I stablize the dream but do nothing interesting before I awake or lose lucidity...1pt.
-- I do something interesting....................................... ............................................2pts.

I then smoothed out the graph to make trends more visible.

The yellow spikes indicated months.
The tall yellow spikes indicate years.
The point to the far left is Jan. 1, 2005.

The graph was made a few days ago...

Here is the day by day graph. It has more information, but it is hard to make much out of it!

I am sorry that I have not posted a dream in here for a long time. That is because I have always kept a written journal, since that is the only way that works for me. Also, I have been keeping "non-linear" dream records, which would take a lot of work to translate. However, I have recently figured out how to use Imageshack, so I will scan my dreams directly into this journal and see how that works out !

Some parts of these entries might be a little hard to read; if anyone has any questions about anything, just ask.

The dreams start at the black circles and end at the triangles. The parts of the entries not covered by clouds are the lucid parts.

3/1/06



This dream occured during an unprecadented night in which I got three somewhat stable lucids. It is quite frequent that lucid dreams start as false awakenings for me. Sometimes in a lucid dream something will seem to be trying to catch my attention, and if I ignore it, the dream will destablize (my dreams are fortunately always trying to teach me somthing!). What is neat about this dream is that my head was yanked by whatever it was that designed the dream and I perceptively followed. I still don't know what it wanted to tell me, though...

2/24/06



In this dream a DC insisted that I commit suicide! I know from previous interpetation of my dreams that this meant that I major change in my character was desired by my Higher Mind. This was all instigated by a fight that I got into with major dreamguides in an earlier dream -- I will not go into the details because it is somewhat personal. However, rest assured that I have pretty much gotten to the root of this problem and worked it out (so I don't want to get, for instance, a message from Leo Volont saying that my Higher Mind has given up on me and despises me and I am worthless and ought to go kill myself in real life or anything like that !).

hey!

what are those images of, just curious

looks like your dream journal, but I can't read what it says

Originally posted by OpheliaBlue
hey!

what are those images of, just curious

looks like your dream journal, but I can't read what it says

They are thumbnail images. If you click on them, you can see a larger version. Did you try that, or does the Imageshack not work properly? It works alright on my computer. Of course even if you do get the blown up veiw, it still is a bit messy, but I think passably legible... but perhaps not entirely .

In 2005 sometime...

In a lucid dream I walked out into the middle of the boulevard and there was about a half a foot of snow. I got the idea to build a snowman and decided that it could grant any wish just like a genie. It seemed in the dream like this was a famous legend, perhaps?

I found a big clump of snow and started chiseling into it with my hands. I was impressed that the snow sculpted itself in addition to my own sculpting. Because of this, the project did not take too long. At first, it took the form of the head of a sort of toy soldier or band marshal. I worked my way around it sculpting and by the time I got back around to the front, it was shaped like a standing robot. I had to put the jaw back onto him because it had broken off. He started walking around like a zombie. But then he morphed into something else.

He turned into a version of myself! However, he was very confident and at ease (I was pretty neurotic back then and could hardly look a person in the eye). His posture and manner of holding himself was good and he wore a sweater and nice clothing. He was like a version of what I would have been if I had developed properly, I thought. Really he reminded me of a friend of mine that was valedictorian of my high school. He gave me advice of how I should live my life, that I should be more gentle and loving, stuff like that.

When I awoke, I was impressed that the dream REALLY PRODUCED a snowman that had the ability to grant my wishes. If I developed myself to be that, I would be able to do anything. And since then, I have gradually improved myself through work so that I am quite a bit like that snowman! Of course I had been working on myself long before this particular dream.

I think that I will again build a new snowman with the intention that it can grant wishes. I will see what happens this time!