~ Vex Kitten's Journal 05/06 ~

Feb 12 06

1- Z -Guy
Sitting on a bench outside a store or gas station. A guy was sitting with me (can't recall what he looked like). He whispered into my ear, things that made my heart feel like it was slowly being weighted down with sorrow. I reached out and embraced the guy (totally out of char for me) and hugged him tight. He was weeping in my arms.
Next thing I know, my bf is there. He grabbed the guy by the hair and yanked him away from me. He proceded to beat and stomp the guy as I tried, in vain, to make him stop. Bf turns to me and said something like, 'you barely touching me...yet you'll hug a complete stranger?' Then we started arguing. I asked if he was going to beat me up too. Told him to 'effin' try it.
He said no, and demanded I get into the truck. I walked away and helped the beaten guy off the ground. The beaten guy pulled away from me and left. I called after him, not knowing his name but thinking it had a Z in it somewhere. I called out all the names I could think of with that letter in it...Zek, Zeek, Ozzy, Izzy, Ezekeil, Zad, Zane, Izrael, and so on...but I couldn't come up with the right name. The guy walked into a nearby house and I was left with the feeling that he was going to kill himself. I knew if I called out his correct name, he would be fine.
Sat back on the bench and desperately tried to recall his name. Couldn't.


2- In the Army
Was dressed as a soldier. There were 4 of us. 3 guys and myself. (don't know if I was a guy too) We were stuck in this little island in the middle of a raging river. Don't know how we got there but we were trapped.
We clung to the sparce and twiggy shrubbery to keep from falling into the river. I finally got tired of sitting there doing nothing and told the others I was going to find us a way across. So I waded out into the river, careful to pick out spots where the current didn't seem so strong. Couple of times I nearly got swept away. Eventually made it half way to the solid shore when gunfire spattered into the water surrounding me. I tried to back up, slipped and was swept way downstream. Was pulled under, nearly drowned several times.
Luck was with me I guess. Washed up on shore. I was freezing and had lost my weapons but was still alive. Began to make my way back towards my stranded comrades. Knew I'd probably get sniped before getting there but I had this unbreakable streak of loyalty running through me. I WOULD NOT leave my friends stranded. I'd save them or die trying. Can't recall if I actually made it back.


3- Hating Hayden
Sitting in a lovely waiting room and this guy who was a dead ringer for Hayden Christianson, came strolling in. I hated him instantly. Had this primal urge to just beat him down. He sat across from me and smile. I snapped. Stood, walked across the room and back handed him. The fight was on.
A few minutes after yelling and shoving each other, he grabbed me and kissed me. I kicked him in the family jewels and he fell to the floor. Then yelled at him, informing him that i am not so easy. PIcked up a chair, threw it on him then left.
Next I remember, I'm lying in bed beside the guy, like we're married or some stupid shit. He got up and brought me breakfast in bed, which i rather liked. He basicly worshipped me for the rest of the dream. :? I woke up from this one thinking wtf?

Feb 13 06

1-Mind Reader
At a big party in a fancy hall. There were too many people so sat in a little side room. In this room was a guy who looked like Keanu Reeves. He began yapping about all kinds of stuff, I think trying to find a subject I would respond to. Eventually, he blurted out that he could read my mind. I told him to go for it.
I relaxed as much as possible with the hopes he wouldn't be able to read my body language, closed my eyes. He told me to think of one word and focus on it. I did. A few seconds later he said..."Zimbabwe?" He was right. Couldn't believe it. We kept up the mind reading game, he was right each time. The final time, I thought of a line from a poem. He got it word for word...'Stalking stalker stalked through night, through shadows cast by crescent light.'
I was totally impressed and asked him to teach me how to read minds. He came and sat next to me, informed me that mind reading is easy, so easy it's scary. The guy then leaned closer to me and added, 'all you have to do is remember one word...' He looked around the room as if making sure no one was eavesdropping, then whispered a single word, which I can't remember now. (of course)
We both went back out to the party and were reading all the dirty little secrets of all the people there.



2-Rabid Uncle
It was dark, a bunch of family members and I were standing around outside in the snow. My uncle B and my mouthy bitchy cousin T suddenly started arguing. She called him an old c.s.-ing bastard and he just lost it, started howling like a wolf. T took off, ran down the drive and hightailed it down 2nd line on foot. My uncle gave chase, like a rabid animal chasing it's prey. Me and my other cousin chased after them, intending to calm uncle down.
He tackled T in the 69 corners intersection, sat on her and beat the life out of her. He howled and snarled the entire time. My other cousin and I were afraid to do anything. Uncle looked in our direction and growled at us. My cuz and I bolted. Cut through a field and slid down into the ditch. Cuz got brave suddenly and decided to go back. I told her not to, that T deserved what she was getting. Maybe it'll teach her to keep her big effin mouth shut.
We both went back after a while, uncle got up and chased us. I could hear him close behind, blabbering in half sentences that were puctuated by the occasional snarl or growl or scream. The guy was clearly insane. I cut through another field to my grandmother's house, burst through the door and locked it. Don't know what became of my cousins. Scared and alone, I went through the house , made sure all windows and doors were locked. Even closed all the curtians to make sure no one could peek inside. Felt safer and turned on the radio and listened to some classical music to calm my nerves.

Feb 14 06

1- 3rd Line House
Was back at the house on 3rd line we lived at, my mother's husband's father's house. I was back by the rickety barn trying to break into the rabbit cages, intended to set them free. Couldn't figure out how to open the cage. The door handle wouldn't work. Think it was rusted over from being locked for so long. Even tried to pry the little cage bars apart but couldn't even do that.
Got a creepy feeling suddenly. Looked behind and saw my mother's husband strolling across the railroad tie bridge that spanned the creek. He yelled at me to leave the rabbits alone, said, "You stay right there...you're going to get it this time."
I simply left and walked back up to the house. Didn't have to run, the guy's too fat to chase after me. I found an axe by the wood pile. Grabbed it and continued into the house. Mother's husband's father was inside cooking. Holding the axe like a baseball bat, I swung and hacked clean through the old guy's spinal cord. He collapsed and I quickly proceded to finish him off.
Moved back outside to the back porch. Mother's husband was standing at the far end of it, still yelling at me to stay put. I raised the axe over my head and said, 'Come get me.'
The guy suddenly had an axe of his own and tried to threaten me with it. I laughed and started hacking up the porch, the house, anything that happened to catch my eye.
The guy kept yelling at me to stop ruining everything. His pleading made me laugh all the harder and I told him to make me stop.
He rushed toward me (rushed as fast his body would allow). I turned towards him, and instead of waiting for him to get withing striking distance, I whipped the axe at him, It lodged deep into his chest. He fell and lay on the porch twitching. Even as he was dying, he was still trying to berate me. I stood over him and watched him die for a while. Finally decided he was taking too long, yanked my axe out of his chest and set to dismembering him, joint by joint, starting with his extremities so he could live through part of his dismemberment.
Once I was finished business outside, I went back inside. Kicked the older guys head out of my path, lit the old coal oil lamp atop the piano, then sat down and started played the instrument. It was no longer out of tune. I played flawlessly, sitting there in the dim light and surrounded by death. Felt incredibly content.
-just remembered, kittens came crawling out from the mess in the house, and they started playing. Remember one crawled onto my lap and listened to my play the piano.


2- A lucid dream I can't recall now. Only remember something about 4 parts coming together to form ????

Feb 15 06

1- Blowfish and Brats
Remember being stuck in the midst of a loud crowd. Can't recall what the occasion was. I became massivley claustrophobic. Couldn't breathe, felt like I was going to faint or die. Shoved my way out of the crowd and ran down the street. I heard people calling after me but ignored them.
Came to a steep hill. Walked up it. At the top there was a large, wide fountain. The sound of running water was calming, and I finally relaxed, could breathe normally again.
Two darkhaired kids ran up. They climbed up onto the ledge of the fountain and were playing on it. I looked around to see if the kids' parents were near. There was no one but me and the brats. So I moved over to them and tried to get them to climb down again. I peered over into the water and there were inflated blowfish floating around just under the surface. The kids started poking at them.
As hard as I tried, I couldn't get the kids to leave the fish alone or climb down from the fountain. I kept trying to walk away to leave the little brats to whatever fate they were getting themselves into. But I couldn't just leave them, as much as I wanted to. Was really frustrated becasue I was stuck looking after kids I didn't know and normally wouldnt' even give a damn about.


2-

Feb 16 06

1- AI
Was in a lab as a test subject. The room was small, bright white. So bright that it bothered my eyes. There were a few wires running from me, whoever was on the other side of the glass, was running some sort of test on me.
Outside the room, something happened, everyone fled. I ripped the wires from me, ran to the glass, pressed my face to it and tried to see outside to find out what was happening. Couldn't see anything but the occasional fleeing person rush by.
Suddenly felt like a trapped rat, grabbed a chair and used it to smash through the glass. It didn't shatter, only made a small hole in the middle of the pane. From the hole, spiderweb-like cracks spread out. I had to pick and pull away the little chunks of glass to make a space big enough for me to crawl through.
When free, I ran through the building. I quickly discovered was overrun by robots and cyborgs. It was easy to tell which were non human because they had a stiff saunter when they walked. The 'robots' would catch people and 'dismantle' them, just as humans were always doing to machines. I saw a couple of dismantlings and decided to get the hell out of the building...but..of course, the building was securely locked-down so the rampaging machines could not get out.
Military type people eventually showed up and started sniping the robots. I took the chance to sneak away, found a small vent in the floor. Squeezed into it and dropped down into a storage room. From there I ran up a steep ramp, found a small space between two walls, squeezed through it and at the end of the journey I found a small break in a brick wall. Could see to the outside. Think I spent the rest of the dream trying to kick my way through the bricks to make an space big enough for me to escape through.
The entire time though, I knew that the 'robots' were closing in on my location. It was infuriating to have freedom so close yet so far away.


2- Kids...Again
There were a bunch of small kids, 3-5 yrs I think, all playing around the ditch at my grandmother's house. The tunnel beneath the driveway was huge, and the ditch looked more like a deep stream. There were all kinds of things in it, turtles, frogs, toads, leeches, crayfish, even snakes. There were also dragonflies and waterspiders.
THe kids were all trying to catch one or another of the above mentioned critters. A couple climbed up onto the top of the tunnel and were hanging over looking down into the water. I yelled at them to get down, ran up and yanked them away from the edge. I looked around for their parents...and they were no where to be seen.
So, I was stuck babysitting a bunch of children who seemed like they all had a deathwish. Drove me insane. I'd get one moved away from the water and another would nearly be falling in.

Feb 17 06

1- Partial Paralysis/White Haired Guy
Was in my own basement. It was dark and cold. I was slowly making my way through the dark, felt as if I were partially stuck in sleep paralysis in the dream. Struggled, had to will myself to be able to walk, leg by leg.
After an eternity of trying to find my way out of the basement, finally made it to the stairs. The climb up them was a strenuous one. Felt like I was trying to scale a mountian.
When I finally made it to the top, the rest of the house was dark too, but not as dark as the basement. I looked down the hallway that leads to the front of the house and could see a shadowy form standing in the middle of the hallway. It had long white hair, that almost seemed to glow against the shadows. Couldn't make out any facial features or clothing, the rest of the guy (certain it was a guy) was merely silhouette.
I felt drawn to the guy. Still caught up in the strange semi-sleep paralysis feeling, I struggled towards the shadow figure. As I did I collapsed. Felt as if gravity suddenly got heavier. I kept moving towards the guy, but don't think I ever made it.


2- Can't recall anything more of this dream, except the same white haired guy was in it. Totally different setting but I can't remember what happened.

Feb 18 06

1- Wedding Speech
Me, my sister & one of my cousins were sitting around trying to think of something nice to put into the speeches we intended to give at my other sister, Mel's, wedding reception. Try as we might, we could think of nothing fond or beautiful to say about her.
So we veered off in the other direction, started talking about all the stupid and embarassing stuff she's done over the years. There was no shortage of subjects to choose from.
Debated wether or not we should embarass the poor girl on her wedding day, decided we had to go for it. When would we get another chance to humiliate her in front of so many people. We sifted out the 'best' of what we thought were the most embarassing things she'd ever done and proceeded to write our pieces.


2- Truck/Van Trip DREAM # 150
Lying alone in the back of a truck, in the middle of a huge flat field, staring up at the night sky. The stars were unusually bright, seemed almost close enough to touch. Silently, I picked out and named the constellations. They were winter constellations. Couldn't find the planets. I knew where they were supposed to be, they just weren't there.
I laid quietly, and quite happily, pondering the planets' disappearance.
Without warning, a bunch of people hopped into the back of the truck. Someone hopped into the front and began driving. I stood up and started banging my fists on the roof of the truck, trying to tell the driver to stop. They didn't hear me. It was too loud, music and people laughing and talking.
Somewhere along the line, the truck turned into a windowless van, I crawled to the front to bitch at the driver. Discovered it was my mother. In the passenger seat was a little kid wrapped up in the seatbelt, bound tight to the chair. All the people in the back were loud and obnoxious, trying to dance to the music.
No one would listen to me, so I stopped the music, pulled the cd out and snapped it in half, whipped it into the back of the van. Everyone sat down and shut up. I turned to my mother, asked where she was taking us. She ignored me. I told her to stop, let me out. Ignored again. Enraged that she wouldn't listen to me, I punched her in the side of the head 3 times. She still wouldn't listen. So gave up.
I turned to the tied up kid. Asked him what his name was. He didn't say, but asked me to put more music on. Said he liked a particular kind (can't remember which now) So I rummaged around through CD's. Couldn't find it. The kid told me it wasn't a CD, it was a cassette. On the floor, I found a few cassesttes, but the ribbon from each was pulled out and all tangled together into a huge pompom-like mass. I showed the kid and said it'd be impossible to untangle. He gave me the saddest look I'd ever seen, so, half feeling sorry for the kid, and half pissed off for letting myself fall for the big sad puppy-dog eye scam, I began to untangle cassette ribbons.
It was a huge mess, eventually even I ended up partly tangled in the ribbons. But I kept trying. Don't think I ever got it entirely untangled.

Feb 19 06

1- Waterfall
Remember being at the base of a tall waterfall. Was told it was safe to be that close. Heard a thunderlike crack, looked up, a large chunk of the rock alongside the waterfall had broken away.
Some people who had been standing along the edge observing the waterfall from the top, fell to their deaths.
With the huge piece of rock gone from the left side of the falls, the waterfall was suddenly wider on the left. Water rushed down and formed a fierce stream to the left of me, cut me off from the shore. I was trapped, tried desperately to find a way back to shore. Anyone in the immediate area was afraid to help me, scared the waterfall might collapse further.


2- Zombies?
This one was like watching a movie A man, woman and their two kids were at a park. They were suddenly surrounded by a group of people (whom weren't zombies but had a dead look about their eyes) The group of people were alive, but something was wrong. They seemed to be controled by some outer sinister force that compelled them to kill.
The father rounded up his family and made it back to their house. Barred the doors and locked the windows. But the 'killers' merely smashed out the windows and got into the house.
THe parents hid the kids in a large trunk and pushed it into a closet. The mother ran back downstairs to try divert the killers' attention. She was swarmed and literally disected alive, by the invaders.
Her husband got scared, ran and hid in the attic crawlspace, cried like frightened little kid. The killers ransacked the house, then left when they couldn't find anyone else.
A while later, the father went and unlocked his kids from the trunk. They were still alive. They all peeked outside and seen that the streets were empty. Nieghbors on both sides of his house came out, an old man on one side, an old lady on the other. They moved towards the family. Bunch of the killers appeared. The old people ran towards the killers, yelling at the father to get his family to safety.
The father freaked out, went inside and locked his kids outside. The killers, however, shoved the kids aside and broke back into the house, found the man and surrounded him. With knives and other sharp insturments bared, they prepared to dissect him. The guy screamed and begged for his life.
At this point, I became part of the killing croud. I was a dark skinned man, stepped forward , grabbed the father by the hair, made him sit up. Usesd my knife to gut him, from this below his navel and up.
The rest of the killers moved forward and took over.


3- Time Machine
Wandered through an abandoned amusement park. Came into a small building, there was an old kid's roller-coaster inside. It went up on a very steep angle and I felt compelled to climb it.
Got to the top and an old guy walked into the room. I laid down at the top of the rollercoaster track and tried to blend into the shadows. Didn't work. He spotted me and called for me to climb down.
I climbed half way down and refused to go any further. The guy gave off a really creepy vibe. He started blathering on and on how he'd created a time travel machine, that I was standing on it.
I laughed. Thought it was funny that he'd transformed a kid's rollercoaster ride into a time machine. The guy became angry and told me he'd prove it.
Don't know when , but other people were suddenly in the building. They climbed into the seats of the ride. I moved across and climbed in behind them. The ride started and did nothing but go around the track at an agonizingly slow pace.
The guy informed us that the rollercoaster we were on had been sitting in the same spot for just under a hundred years. He could make the ride stop in any of the previous years, but that the time reverter took a while to warm up. So we were stuck riding around in boring circles until the reverter kicked into action.
When it finally did, the world around us began to waver. We watched ghost like images of what looked like life being quickly rewound. During this entire time we could still here the old guy talking, as if he were still there with us thought he wasn't.
Something wrong happened and we jumped way back into prehistoric times. We could still hear the old guy narrating from the safety of the future.
He kept talking directly to me, kept calling me by the wrong name, S-R. I yelled back telling him that S-R wasn't my name. He insisted it was, and told me to shut up and enjoy the ride.
He eventually brought us back. The other people left but I stayed behind, curious as to how his time reverter worked. Still calling me by the wrong name, he showed me a junky looking machine of metal and rusty wires. Said he kept it looking so old and decrepit looking so no one would steal it. He began explaining how it worked, but I can't remember anything he said.


4 - Bro & Niagara Gorge
Was winter, huge drifts of snow and occasional patches of ice everywhere. My brother, his mutant-looking dog and I were walking a path cut through about 3 ft of snow. The path was really slippery and I fell over a few time. Each time I did, the ugly mongrel tried to maul me and my brother laughed like crazy.
I peered over the drift of snow to our right. We were walking along the edge of the Niagara gorge. I moved as far to the left as I could, suddenly afraid I'd slip and fall to my death. I did slip, again, and the damned mutt tried to gnaw me up again. My brother laughed so hard he had tears streaming from his eyes. I stood back up and shoved him over the drift, he slid slowly down the opposite side towards the 300 or so Ft drop. He started crying for me to help. I just stood there watching, said..."Who's laughing now..." then burst into my own crazed laughter.
His dog was standing against the drift whining. "Aww... miss your master girl?" I said, then picked up the dog and tossed it over the drift too. It slid to the edge and dropped out of sight.
My brother took longer because he gripped onto the snow to stop himself from sliding over the edge. Every few seconds the snow would break away and he'd jolt a few inches closer to the edge. I only watched, laughed harder each time the snow broke away. My brother called me a creative bunch of derogatory names before he finally dropped over the edge. When he fell I quit laughing and contiued on my way. Don't know where i was going. Just followed the path through the snow.


5- Shooting (dreamed after I fell back asleep instead of getting out of bed this morning)
Was in photography class. We were sent out in groups of 3 to do something akin to a fashion shoot. Each memeber of the group had to shoot the other two as if we were shooting for a big-ass magazine ad.
The one guy in my group was thrilled that he was in the same group as I. Said he'd been anxiously waiting for the chance to capture me on film. I thought it was kind of creepy, so eventually sneaked away and found a couple of complete strangers to volunteer for my project. Shot a few rolls of film, thanked the people and made my way back to class.
I became distracted by some of the other students' shoots. Watched and even helped set up the lighting or do meter readings for them. When I finally got back to class, the creepy guy was there. He looked really pissed off. He stood and yelled at me, "I've been waiting for forever to shoot you...you bitch. If I can't shoot you, no one else will be able to either."
THe guy whipped out this little revolver and aimed it at me. "But I will shoot you, one way or another."
The rest of the students ran, screaming, away. I dove behind the teacher's metal desk. Wasn't sure if it was strong enough to stop a bullet but I had no where else to hide. Heard the pop of the gun firing and then a loud metallic gong type sound as the bullet hit the desk. Then heard the guy repeatedly pulling the trigger. No more gunshots though, apparently he'd only had one bullet in the gun.
I flew out from behind the desk, suddenly feeling rabid and blood thirsty. The guy turned and ran. I caught up, tackled him and proceeded to beat the living shit out of him. At some point the guy morphed into my bf, he was begging me to stop, asking why I was kicking his ass.
"You tried to shoot me you stupid fuck." I growled and stomped on his face. A small part of me started to feel bad for hurting him, but it was soon overpowered by my rage. I wanted to kill him, not just kill him, make him suffer for as long as humanly possible before death.
Just kept stomping and kicking and punching him. There seemed to be no end to my rage.

***a slightly scary note, my bf dreamed last night that he was talking to his cop friend about getting a fire arms licence. :shock:

:D :D :D

Ha Ha! Finally found the music I heard during my last LD on Feb 9th, when I finally flew again and was able to walk through glass.

It's called Ballade, by Andre Rieu.
Coincidentally, the name of the CD that includes this piece of music is called Dreaming.

Just for my own sanity, a music clip: http://music.msn.com/album/?album=39616808

*yes, I obsess over stupid stuff like this*

Feb 20 06

1- Cemetary Chris
Dream was basically an altered memory. Late evening, walking down a Clarence St with T and Chris. The street turned into train tracks. Chris was listening to a song by The Tragically Hip. He was singing way off key and dancing, as he usually did when he was high.
To our left was a spawling cemetary. We slid down the slope, through prickly raspberry twigs, and fell into the grave yard. I told T and Chris that we could cut through instead of going all the way around. We ambled about the place, checking out the older tombstones and mausoleums.
Since Chirs was high, T and I decided to try freak him out.
Chris and I walked ahead of T, I turned suddenly and asked, "Where the hell did T go?" Chris turned and called for her. She didn't answer. I immediatley started filling his head with all kinds of horrible scenarios of what might have happened. He got a little more jittery with each one. He went in seach of her, calling and pleading with her to answer.
I grabbed him and spun him to face me. "Ever heard of a movie called Night of the Living Dead?" I asked. Chris said he hadn't. So as we searched for T, I explained the movie to him.
After a while, he froze on the spot. Refused to move any further, certain he could see zombies lurking in the shadows of the cemetary. He fell to his knees and covered his eyes, tried to convince himself he was only tripping. I knelt beside him, trying not to laugh. He turned to me suddenly and said, "There's one thing I want before I die. I always wondered what it'd be like to kiss you. Kiss me before the zombies get us?"
I struggled like crazy not to crack up. Shrugged and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. Chris stood, apparently infused with a new rush of bravery, and searched for T again. As we rounded a huge angel statue, T jumped out from behind it and yelled BOO.
Chris shrieked like a little girl, backed into me, knocked me over. I laid on the ground laughing hysterically. T slumped onto the statue and laughed too.
Chris got angry and called us a couple of heartless bitches, but eventually he started laughing. "At least I scored a kiss out of it all." He informed T.
She stopped laughing and asked, "Eww, You kissed him?" Then they both laughed at me.
I kicked at the back of Chris's legs, behind his knees, he tipped backwards. Fell onto the ground.
We all laughed like a bunch of maniacs in the middle of the cemetary.
A train whistle interuped us. We grew quiet. A sudden, second whistle echoed through the cemetary, the dream ended.


2- Doughnuts
Just remember moving into a kitchen to find something to eat. I was starving. Checked the fridge, the freezer, the cupboards, the pantry. The kitchen was stalked with nothing but racks of doughnuts. Just the sight of them made me want to throw up, but I was so hungry I tried to find one that looked appetizing.


3- Balloon Ride
On a hotair balloon ride with my bf. I was afraid to look over the edge of the basket for most of the trip. Hated myself for being so afraid. Other than refusing to look over the edge, the ride was okay.
We began to decend, and I decided to look over the edge at least once before the trip was over. I latched onto the basket and watched as the earth slowly rose up to meet us. Felt fine, and wanted to kick myself in the ass for not being brave enough to look over earlier. Feeling a bit more adventurous, I leaned even farther out of the basket, and fell.
We weren't so high off the ground, maybe 30 ft or so? The fall happened in igonizingly slow motion. A second before i hit the earth, time decided to speed up again and I slammed hard into the earth.
I hit the ground so hard that my soul or spirit or astral self or whatever, got knocked out of my body. I watched from outside myself as people rushed to my broken body and tried to revive me. My legs were bent at impossible angles. My arm and one rib was broken. When finally they revived my body, they asked a bunch of questions to see if I knew where I was and what happened. I told them I couldn't feel anything below my chest. The emergency personelle couldn't seem to piece my staighten my broken limbs. They were afraid to move me.
I watched it all, not really caring if they fixed me or not. The last couple of lines from the kid's poem Humpty Dumpty kept running through my head as I passively observed my broken self.


4- Planet Search
Simply recall lying on my roof staring up at the night sky, wondering where the hell the planets went. The only one I could spot was Mars. The rest were missing. Felt determined to find them again. Can't remember anything else atm.

Feb 21 06

1- Tidal Wave
In an unfamiliar city. The moon was split in two, hanging helterskelter in the sky. Knew something apocolyptic was to come. Found 3 of my sisters, 2 nephews and 1 niece. We stood, with the rest of neighborhood, waiting for whatever was to happen.
I saw it first, a dark form rising above and spanning the entire horizon. The tip of it glimmered in the broken moonlight. "A tidal wave." I said, as if it were no surprise.
Everyone else fled. Even my sisters. Left me with the kids. I didn't bother to run though I was scared. Accepted the inevitable.
The kids started crying and screaming. They shocked me out of surrender. Together, the four of us scrounged through area garages and found some life jackets. I knew it was pointless to put them on, but felt like makeing some sort of stand, even an ill fated one.
The tidal wave steadily approached. It was so massive that the top of it scraped the underbellies of clouds. It also growled. Sounded like a constant roll of thunder. And I knew it was crazy, but I had a feeling that the wave was alive and hungry.
It was so loud it nearly drowned out my voice as I yelled for the kids to close their eyes and hold onto me and each other. I promised that no matter what happened, I wouldn't let go. Made them promise the same. Took one last look at them then closed my eyes a few seconds before the monsterous wave crashed down upon us.
And nothing happened. After a few moments I opened my eyes again and we were all still crouched in the same spot, unscathed. Not even wet, except for just below our knees. The entire neighborhood had been washed away. All that remained, besides us, were a few uprooted trees and the foundations of the houses that once surrounded us. Even some of the pavement from the streets had been scoured away.
Glad to still be alive, the four of us ran about the area looking scrounging for anything that might be of use to us.


2- Homesteads
Was a guy in this dream. Saw my reflection faintly in a large bay window I walked past. Had short, shaggy light brown hair and light eyes. Can't recall what color my eyes were. Was tall and embarassingly scrawney.
Also, had a huge backpack in which a ton of photography equipment was stored. I walked through a city that looked very much like a particular part of Hamilton. Had an address written on the palm of my hand, searched for the house, found it and was shocked. The place was huge and probably had been an elegant mansion a century or so ago, but now it looked like a run down, crumbling deathtrap.
Took out one of my camera and started taking photos of the old building. Moved around into the backyard and there was another guy there. He'd been waiting for me. Told me a long story about how the house had been used as an orphanage, all the horrible things that happened inside.
He then pointed to the neighboring house. It was a mirror image of the 1st house, except I got the feeling it was nothing more than a giant rotting tombstone. Started taking pictures of the tombstone house too. The guy told me that there was a secret tunnel underground that linked the two houses.
He brought me to the little shed that lead into the basement. It's roof was really saggy and covered in moss. I was too leery to even think about risking going inside. He tirelessly tried to persuade me enter. Said there was strange stuff inside that I need to see to believe.
I denied. Didn't trust the stability of either house. Finished taking my photos and said so long. As I walked through the drive that separated both houses someone called out Michele. Not my name, so I kept walking. Then the voice called Michele again, more desperately this time. Something clicked in my head, and i knew that they were referring to me, even though my it wasn't my name they were calling.
Looked up and saw a sad looking young lady hanging out of the attic window. She waved at me then held her hand out as if she wanted me to grasp it.
I was mistified as to how someone had made it up into the attic. I ran into the back yard and told the other guy that someone was trapped up in the house. When we both came to the window again, the lady was gone.
The guy said It was impossible to get into the attic. I must have been halucinating or something.
I whipped out my camera and took a few pictures of the attic window, then left. As I walked down the street, I realized I couldn't feel the weight of my back pack. I spun around and retraced my steps. Came to the two houses again this time was afraid to go near them. My backpack was still sitting in the middle of the drive between the two old homesteads. Had a really creepy feeling like the houses or something inside the houses were just waiting for me to set foot on the property.
Spent the rest of this dream trying to come up with a way to get the back pack without actually getting near to the houses. Don't think I came up with anything.


3- Straight Jacketed (can't believe I forgot to add this one)
Don't know how, but I was wrapped up maddeningly tight in a black leather straightjacket. A leash or lead was hooked to it and i was being lead down a long white hallway. Couldn't see who was leading me, but I decided that I was going to go Hanable Lector on his ass when I finally got freed.

Feb 22 06

Moved bedtime back an hour to just to see what would happen...couldn't sleep soundly. Seemed like I woke up every few minutes. Dream recall crappy.

1- Final Destination
Was in an busy airport. I was originally supposed to be headed somewhere specific, but every few minutes a voice would announcing that Flight 445's final destination had either changed or had been delayed by a few hours.
Probably needless to say, but I was severly angered at the constant fucking with my schedule.

Feb 24 06


((Recalled 3 dreams on the morning of Feb 23, but neglected logging them, now can't remember them. :( ))


Took 100mg B6 last night to see if it'd do anything. Had problems staying asleep. Recall a few very short but detailed dreams.

1- Shopping
Was in a second hand clothing store. Instead of the clothing being arranged by size, they were arranged onto racks by color. 2 Rows of clothing spanned the entire length of the store, with the white and lightest colors at the front of the store. The farther back the racks of clothes, the darker they became, with black being at the very rear of the store.
Toyed with the idea of adding some bright yellows or light blues to my wardrobe, but decided to stick with the usual black. Went to the back of the store and sorted through racks of clothing. I wanted something plain and black, but every shred of clothing had an intricate design on it. Most were geometric shapes, which I detested on sight. Others were stripes, or plaid type patterns. Also hated those. What did catch my eye were the rounded or curved patterns that seemed to flow across the material. But no matter how much a pattern appealed to me, it was never quite right. Didn't know what I was hoping to find, but knew I'd know what it was when I saw it.
Never found it.



2- Butterflies and Bad Men
Was walking a long gravel driveway. Tall thistles grew on either side. They were in bloom, beautiful purple thistle blooms lined the way. The blooms had attracted several different species of butterflies. Monarchs and Viceroy butterflies were most prominant. There were also a few swallow tail butterflies, which I was tempted to try capture. Hummingbirds flitted about the plants too. Occasionally one would zip past me suddenly, so close I could hear the deep hum of their wings.
At the end of the drive was a huge bland warehouse. A man and a boy were arguing. I stopped and watched. The boy was as tall as the man, but the man was obviously physically stronger. They were fighting over a scroll that had a purple ribbon tied around it. At some point the ribbon slipped off and the scroll unrolled. The two guys tugged at either end of it, eventually ripped it in half. The boy looked as if he were going to cry. The man smiled cruelly, then left, with his half of the scroll.
I knew that the piece of paper was what the boy needed to further his education. The man hadn't wanted the boy to succeed, fearing that he would become smarter and more successful than he. I went to the younger guy, who had moved into the shade of the warehouse. I told him there were other ways to get what he wanted. Just had to look in the right places.
Eventually sat on the ground with him, tossed stones into a shallow pond, each tried to name all the different species of butterflies that happened by.


3- Spiders & McD's
Was a birthday party at McDonalds. (I hate McD's) All the company mascots? were there, happily bouncing about the place trying to make everyone happy. It sickened me. I left, found a corner of the establishment that was kid and mascot free.
A little girl wandered over, asked why I wasn't happy like everyone else. I told her I'm not like everyone else and don't want to be. Told her to run along and play. She turned to leave but a huge black and brown tarantula blocked the way. The kid shrieked and ran back to me. I picked her up and backed away.
The spider came towards us and reared up in a threatening stance. Suddenly a guy appeared, hair hanging in his face. He scooped up the spider and told us not to be afraid of it. It was more afraid of us than we were of it. His voice was vaguely familiar but I couldn't quite place it. I put the girl down. She scurried back to the party.
The guy moved to me and placed the terrantula at my feet. Only then noticed I was barefoot. The guy moved behind me, pulled my arms behind my back. He assured I had nothing to fear, that the spider wouldn't hurt me. I felt it climb onto my foot, then up my leg. I struggled to remain calm, could feel it climbing up my stomach. Dared to look down and watch as it slowly eased onto my chest. It's entire head was a glistening mass of hundreds of beady little black eyes. I don't think it even had fangs.
The guy moved forward. I could feel him peering over my shoulder to see the spider too. I turned to look at him, then looked down at the spider again. It had changed into a huge moth, like the moths that were in Silence of the Lambs. The moth dropped from my chest and flew away.
I couldn't see him, but I 'felt' the guy behind me was smiling. He placed his hands on my shoulders, I looked down at them. His fingers were abnormally long...and I realized who he was. Knowing the guy was a figment of someone else's imagination, I was about to realize it was a dream...when the guy bit me. On the neck. I woke up. ((this is the second time the bastard kept me from becoming lucid by biting me))

Feb 25 06

1- Antique Shopping
Strolled through an antique shop. I was attracted to the jewellery display. Wanted to purchase some 'new' cameos to add to my collection.
Checked through the few that were displayed and suddenly realized I 'd seen the exact same cameos in a dollar store for $2. I was thoroughly disgusted that the dealer was trying to pass off cheap buck store cameos as antiques.
My bf and his daughter wandered off as i argued with the dealer. When I caught back up to them, the daughter had purchased a huge gaudy looking neclace and pendant with a star-type symbol on it.
Told us it was an ancient witch charm. She was thrilled to have found it, and put it on right away. I didn't like the look of the pendant but said nothing. I continued looking for cameos.



2- No Show Grandma
Was at my nephew's birthday party. Most of my family was there. We were all waiting for the cake to get there. My mother was supposed to bring it.
One of my cousins was on the phone constantly, trying to find out where my mother was. Bitter, she looked at me and said I should be the on looking for my mother. I told my cousin that my mother was a lost cause in my eyes. Wouldn't waste any of my precious time looking for the stupid bitch.
My cousin was offended by my statement and tried to lecture me on family ties, tried to convince me I should patch things up between me and my mother. I put up with it for as long as possible. When I didn't feel like hearing any more psychobabble, I politely told my cousin to stay the fuck out of my affairs.
My nephew ended up in trouble, acting out because his cake wasn't there. I felt sorry for the poor kid. Yet another young life tramatized by my mother's neglect. I wanted to kick her ass so damned badly I went outside to wait for her arrival. She never showed up.


3- 69 Corners
Was at my grandmother's place, outside. Moved to the front edge of the property and planted a hickorynut at the fence line. Sat there and waited for it to grow. Got tired of waiting, and somehow was able to will the hickorynut to sprout. Watched the plant break through the soil and grow to about 10 or 15 cm.
Kids were playing by the ditch again. I moved to the driveway and watched them watching the minnows and crayfish and frogs. The ditch, however, was twice as wide and deep as it was supposed to be.
J was there. He had what looked like a shovel handle with him and used it to launch himself across the ditch to the other side. He kept leaping back and forth. I was instantly reminded of the time I was about 10, my uncle gave me a crinkled up dollar bill. I uncrinkled it and it was 20 dollars. He asked for it back, said he'd meant to give me a 5. I took off, ran up the driveway and stood on the opposite side of the ditch. He begged and pleaded for the 20 back but I refused to surrender it. Thought there was no way he could get me with the water separating us but I was wrong. He ran, leapt across the ditch and chased me down. Took his 20 and gave me the 5. Kind of a funny forgotten memory.



4- Time to Say Goddbye (Con Te Partiro) Morning dream
Woke up for a few seconds. Heard Con Te Partiro on the radio. Drifted off again. Had a quick dream that I was singing this song with Andrea Bocelli, on a stage somewhere. Was awesome.

Feb 26 06

1- Gram's Meteroite
Was at my grandmother's house outside. MY bf was there, he was sitting up in the tree. I looked for a spot to sit on the ground, but it was covered in rotten apples. The apples were covered in big black ants and bees. I moved over to 'the rock'.
Ended up telling my boyfriend about the dreams I've had about my grandmother. Dreams wherein she asks me if I remember the time a star fell and landed back in the swamp. I must have been about 3 or 4 yrs old when it happened. In these dreams, she always wonders if the star is still back there somewhere and toys with the idea of searching for it. She then turns to me and asks me to find it and bring it back to her so she can hold a piece of heaven in her hands.
My bf seems intrigued by the idea that maybe a meteorite is back in the swamp, but when i asked him to help me look for it, he denied. I spent a few more minutes trying to convince him to help. He wouldn't.
So I ended up searching for it alone. Went back through the field and to the edge of the swamp. Wished I had a metal detector, remembered that meteroites are usually metal. Searched around the swamp, kicking up old rocks but coudln't find it. Felt incredibly
depressed.


2- Suicide Documentary
I was fiddling with an old style video camera. Was on a rocky beach. There were two ladies standing about. They were dressed in old fashioned bathing suits shower caps. I remember they were awfully pale looking, almost looked corpse-like.
Got the cam fixed and called the ladies over. Recorded the one giving a long speech about how I wasn't forcing her to do anything. That it was her choice to drown herself. I was only there to document it.
When she was done, she turned towars the water but it suddenly receeded away from her. She ran out and tried to catch up to it. The water suddenly surged back towards her and the lady ran, screeched that it was too cold.
She did the same thing several times. Each time I got more frustrated. Angry becasue she was causing me to waste film. Wanted her to just hurry and drown herself.
Ended up leaving them. Wandered to an old castle type building farther inland. Found a couple of ferrets. One was chocolate brown, the other a cinimon colour. I scooped up the cinnimon one and sat it on my shoulder. It stayed there as I wandered around the property.
Ran into a guy who kind of reminded me of Liam Neeson. The two bathing suit ladies were there too. The guy told us that he couldn't die. He'd tried to kill himself thousands of times but nothing ever worked.
I told him I didn't believe it. So the guy took us to an old bridge. He climbed over the edge and leapt, slammed hard into the ground. Shortly after he got up, obviously in pain.
I got it all on camera and was speechless beyond words. I began thinking of all kinds of deaths for the guy to try so that I could record him repeatedly trying to kill himself.
We all went back to the 'castle'. He agreed that I could record his numerous suicide attempts.
I happened to see the chocolate colored ferret curled up and shivering on an old woodedn table. I moved went to it, took the cinnamon ferret from my shoulder and placed it back with the other. They tangled into each other and fell asleep together. Was kind of disappointed. I really wanted a ferret.
Turned back to 'Liam'. He was still regailing us with stories of his failed suicides. I sat and listened. Eager for the chance to record them all.


3- Masquerade
Haunting music filled the air. I was in the midst of a masquerade ball. An extravagant one. Everyone was dressed in gorgeous costumes and wore just as gorgeous masks of jewels and gold and silver, feathers. Each mask was unique and intricately designed. Also noticed that each mask covered the person's entire face.
I was in costume too, but don't remember what i looked like. My attention was on everyone else as they waltzed elegantly around me.
Feeling horrendously out of place, I moved to the edge of the crowd and watched them all. Wished I could dance with them but I didn't know how to waltz. So I soaked up the amazing music and sights surrounding me.
I heard, what sounded like a huge grandfather clock, strike 3. 3 am? Felt like I was forgetting to do something. A few minutes later, everyone stopped dancing. Someone announced that it was time to remove our masks.
At the same time, everyone lifted off their masks, and to my shock, none of them had faces!!! I didn't know what to do, but I knew I sure the hell wasn't going to remove my mask. I didn't want them to see that I was the only freak with a face. I then began to wonder if I even had a face, and felt up under my mask just to find out. My face was still there. I still didn't want to remove my mask. Even though everyone else had no faces, somehow they were able to speak and see. They still had their senses.
Eventually they noticed I hadn't removed my mask. They all moved towards me, wanting me to shed my mask. I refused. They then demanded I remove it. I still refused. It then became apparent that they were going to demask me forcefully. I fled. Became cornered.
With nothing left to do, I ripped off the mask and threw it at the crowd of persuers. I remember yelling..."You wanted to see me...well see me you faceless motherf*****s". They all stopped. Complete silence fell about us all.
I stepped forward. They stepped back. I stepped ahead again. They stepped back again. I realized that they were afraid of me. I leapt forward. The faceless ones scattered, screaming and weeping. I suddenly felt stupid for being afraid of them all. I was the one who should have been feared all along.
Ended up roaming about the palacial estate fearlessly. Was in complete control of the place and everyone in it.

***the 3am thing happened, I think, because I had intended to wake up at 3am. Kind of wish I had woke up, just to see if it actually was 3 am.

Feb 27 06

*took a b6 again last night.

1- Connie Cried
(felt like a spectator in this dream)
There were 2 girls sitting on a table in a school cafeteria. One had short blond hair and looked kind of ditzy. The other looked like a girl I'd befriended in N.F. when I first moved there, Connie. Except in the dream she had long, thick red hair that was pulled into two ponytails at the top of her head. Made her look really childish.
She argued with the blond girl about a guy named Jess? (i think his name was) Connie was insanely angry because Jess had written the blond girl a short love poem.
Eventually, Jess appeared. He was the personification of geekiness. He had a huge red binder under his arm, speachlessly presented it to Connie.
She opened the binder, the pages all spilled out onto her lap. They were all love poems dedicated to her. Connie saw them and cried. Jess just left her there.


2- Skating DREAM # 175
Was at a roller rink, the one my aunt used to take me to when I was a kid. Wanted to sit and put on my roller skated, but all the seats were taken up by a bunch of bitchy looking girls. I waited, watched them lacing up their skates, which looked like ballet slippers with wheels attatched to the bottom. Ribbons wrapped, crisscross style, all the way up their legs. Thought it strange but didnt care too much.
Eventually got a spot to sit down. Slipped on my skates. They were white and cumbersome looking. They laced up like ice skates, spent a considerable amt of time lacing them because they came up past my knees. Finally finished and stood. Only then did I realize that they were ice skates. Felt like an ass. Spent another small eternity trying to discreetly unlace the damned things. Finally finished and tossed them into a nearby garbage bin. Stood and watched everyone rollerskate.


3- Switch (woke up at 4:30 am, btb and dreamed this)
Falling asleep, kept my mind focused on the imagry trying to form. The wisps of shifting forms fell together and shaped into a massive elegant chanellier. Knew I was dreaming and just watched as the light fixture 'solidified'.
It hung, unsupported, in the midst of the darkness. Cast a warm glow that couldn't quite seem to cut through the dark. Decided to try turn the light out. Noticed a light switch beside me, just hanging there in the nothing like the chandellier was. I flicked the switch, nothing happened. Flicked it repeatedly and nothing happened. Felt frustrated, knew I should be able to turn it off and on whenever the hell I pleased because this was my dream.
Upon closer inspection of the chandelier, I noticed it wasn't electrical. I laughed at myself for overlooking that important little fact. "Lumin powered" I said aloud. Instead of lightbulbs, hundreds of white, spiral tapered candles adorned it.
I willed the lights out. They swiftly died one by one. "Ha! I'm the switch!" I said triumphantly, just before the final candle expired. When it did, I instantly woke up.


4- Drew Carey Dream
Walked alone down a hallway of an apt complex. Drew Carey appeared from nowhere and grabbed me by the arm. He pulled me to a room, opened the door and asked me to hold it open, and keep it open no matter what. I figured what the hell...and did it.
Think it was everyone from his show, came skipping down the hallway in trios, singing some stupid song about 'the greatest scorer". I remember that the song rhymed at first..then it degraded to something that no longer rhymed and made completely no sense.
Kate came in last, they all laughed at her. The song had been dedicated to her, it was making fun of how slutty she was. She laughed along, but I could tell she wasn't too pleased.
I sneaked out of the room to the elevator. Oswald appeared suddenly and stepped in with me. He pretended to be the elevator operator. Offered me half a chocolate bar then we stood looking out the glass walls as the elevator decended. It was like the elevator was on the side of a mountian. Watched the scenery as he told me a bunch of stupid stories I could swear I'd heard before.


5- Vermin
I was in a house that was a split between my house and my grand mother's. Turned out the light in my bedroom and crawled into bed. Enjoyed the dark and the quiet. Suddenly I heard things skittering about on the floor. Knew they were rats and mice. I called Mojo, (our jack russle) In a flash he was there trying to root the vermin out from under my bed. He couldn't flush them out.
Called my bf. Told him we needed ferrets. They'd get rid of the rats. And suddenly there were 2 ferrets on the bed with me. I sat them on the floor and they slipped under the bed, killed most rats and mice. The ones that tried to flee were caught and mauled my Mojo.
When it was safe to set foot on the floor again, I went into the kitchen. Felt a sudden compulsion to start cleaning. Never know what kind of disease the rats brought in with them. Started cleaning the top of the fridge. What looked like large anthill, was up there. I poked at it and it crumbled apart. Insects were inside, looked like a cross between cockroaches and moths. Looked around the rest of the kitchen. There were 2 other roach-moth mounds. One was slightly shaped like a skull. I crumbled the other 2 mounds and then started cleaning them away.
Heard kids. Had to hurry and clean mess from the roach-hills away. Knew that they were poisonous. Dangerous for the kids. Scooped all the 'poison' into the sink. Ran water over it, but it only turned into a molasass type goo. Wouldn't wash down the sink.
Don't remember doing it, but for whatever effed up reason, I ate the poison in an effort to get rid of it before the kids came into the kitchen. I just suddenly realized what I'd done and tried to spit the stuff back out. It was clinging in my mouth. Gurgled with cup after cup of soap water, still didn't help. I had to reach into my mouth and scoop the stuff back out.
When most of it was out, I threw up in the sink. Felt like my insides were going to come up and out too. It hurt, the pain was so bad I thought I was going to pass out. Suddenly remembered the puking maggots dreams I'd had before. Those memories were enough to cause me to lose conciousness.



6- Wrong Wedding
Pulled into my cousin T's house. Went inside looking for her or her bf. Tracey and all her kids were there, they kept distracting me. I'd catch a glimpse of T, or her bf, but Tracey would always divert my attention from them.
Eventually just left, knowing that T and her bf were getting married. They had wanted me there, but I couldn't quite remember why. Kind of summised that they wanted me at the wedding because I was the one who helped hook them up in the first place.
Me and my bf left. He was decked out in a tux. I was wearing a black leather skirt and lace top. Had a choker that looked like a golden snake wrapped around my neck. It had sparkling violet eyes.
We got the to the church for the wedding and sat down. Realized it was the wrong wedding. But we stayed because I'd went to highschool with most of the wedding party. Hadn't seen them in years. Wanted to catch up.
At the reception, I felt a bit out of place. Everyone else was dressed in their sunday best. I was there dressed damned near like a prostitute. It didn't bother me too much, as i chatted with long lost friends. Only the bride seemed offended at my attire. But I didn't care what she thought at first, didn't know her personally. But eventually, her snobby glares pissed me off. Decided I'd wait till after and then kick her ass just before she was whisked away on her honeymoon. Couldn't wait...seemed like an eternity since I'd kicked someone's ass. Partied up a storm, but kept my eye on the bride. She was doing the same to me. It was like she became my nemisis.
Before I got a chance to kick her ass, my bf pulled me outside and we drove away. Said he'd forgotten about T's wedding. We sped, full tilt, to the other side the area. But the truck broke down half way there. We were stranded.


7- Post Secondary Email
Just a fragment, recall checking my email and there was a letter from my post secondary funding institute. It told me to go through my records, there might be something in them that would fix the problems caused by the missed semester, that might set things right for the last semester funding.

Feb 28 06


1- NF Observation Tower
Was on the green observation tower at Niagara Falls. I asked, "I always thought this was on the American side?"
My bf laughed at me like I was an idiot, but I assured him the tower was supposed to be on the American Side, I used to take the elevator down to the Maid of the Mist.
He didn't believe me. Made me feel like an idiot even though I was sure I was right. He changed the subject, kept trying to convince me to go down. He wanted to see what was at the bottom of the tower. I wouldn't go. I'd been down there before. I wanted to go up, ride on the helecopters or the huge I <3 NY hot air balloon.
Left him standing there as I travelled up endless flights of stairs to the top of the tower. When I got there it was like I was in the Skylon Tower (the one that looks like the CN Tower in Toronto). I could see across the gorge to the American side, could see my old home. Looked past that and could see for miles. The scenery was nice, but I didn't enjoy it. Something felt wrong, and I became terribly depressed. I moved from window to window so I could observe the landscape all around me. Something was really out of place but I couldn't fathom what it was.


2- Crazy Cashier
Recall being in a store, the cashier was frantic. She had no change left, and a line of customers was bitching at her. She tried to calmly explain that she couldn't serve them unless they had exact change or used a credit or debit card.
I grabbed two packages of cinnamon hearts, and shoved my way through the miserable customers. I asked the cashier for a pack of cigarettes, any would do, then threw my candy on the counter. It cost me $7. 45. I scrounged through my pockets, counted out the exact change, gave it to her. She started crying, really weeping. I didn't know whether to try console her or just walk out.
Without warning, she pulled a shotgun out from under the counter and started shooting the customers. One hell of a mess. After she'd blasted everyone else away, she turned the gun on herself and blew her head off. I was left standing there with my candy and cigarettes, not knowing wtf to think.


3- Cartooning
Had this stupidly huge sketch book, was roughly sketching out comic or cartoon chars. One was a blond muscular guy in white. The other was a little darkhaired woman clad in black. (think the woman was based on me). There was another char, also dressed in black, one I'd drew not too long ago for someone else.
The page was laid out like a storyboard. I was maniacally sketching, trying to get the story out of my head and onto paper. Felt like If I didn't finish it then, I'd lose the idea and inspiration and never be able to finish it. I sat there, on the floor of my living room, sketching and talking to myself. Occasionally I'd go back and talk out the conversation that was written for the characters. Drew page after page of the story, like I was obsessed.
I had it mostly finished when someone's voice said, "Screw the comic book thing. Do a graphic novel."
I stopped drawing and considered the suggestion. Suddenly occured to me that maybe I was going about the sketching the wrong way. Maybe time to see the sketching from a new angle.
Don't think i finished it, got lost in thought wondering if I could transform my comic into a graphic novel.


4- Battling Barton?? (may be a continuation or maybe on offshoot from the above dream, because this dream includes one of the chars Cartooning)

March 1 (no recall-switched betime again)

March 2 06

1- Duff Man
Was at an outdoor meeting or festival at one of my old highschools. There was a huge tapered, rectangular monument in the middle of the field. Groups of people took turns trying to topple the monument, with no success. Finally this guy, who slightly resembled Duff Man from The Simpsons, bragged he could bring the entire monument down by himself. He spent a really long time rigging up ropes and pulleys to the thing.
As some point, bleechers were set up around the monument so onlookers could witness the event.
I stood at the top of one of the bleechers and watched the guy scurry around the place. When he was done, he climbed up onto a platform to which all his ropes were attatched. He gave a long boring speech, basically about how wonderful he was, how much smarter he was than the rest of us.
A couple of assistants rolled a large draped object up the platform. They were accompanied by a yippy little jack russel terrier. 'Duff Man' unvieled his secret weapon, it was a cannon. He shot it at the base of the monument and it began to tip away from the crowds. Something happened and the monument wobbled, and began to tip towards 'Duff Man.' Everyone near him scattered. HE didn't. He totally trusted his rigging system would yank the monument to fall back away from him. As he tugged at the massive mess of rope ends at his feet, the monument fell on him, crushed him and the platform.
I didn't know how to react at first, then burst out laughing. I was still standing at the top of the bleechers, and leaned back on the rail to support me as I laughed. The railing gave way and I fell a good 15 ft to the ground. I wasn't hurt, was more worried that my camera might have sustained injury. It seemed in perfect working condition. So i ran over and began snapping pictures of the tragedy of 'Duff Man.' Laughed the whole time. It was the funniest thing I'd ever seen
The little JRTerrier followed me around the place, so I decided to keep it.


2- Train Trip
Boarded a train, walked through it looking for a good place to sit. Took a while but I found a comfortable spot. After a while the train lurched to a start. It sped along the tracks, I looked out the window, admired the fast passing scenery. Some point, don't remember when, the walls of the train disappeared. We were all travelling at an astounding speed, and there were no walls between us and the outside world. I was strapped in, didn't bother me. Enjoyed the ride.
At certain points, the train would slow and people would leap off. I was left with the impresson that the train never stopped once in motion. So if I ever wanted to get off of it, I'd have to take a running leap and hope I landed safely.
Oh, remember too that there were people behind the train, hanging on long tethers and being dragged along like they were water skiing.

March 3 06

1- Termite Mound
Was in Brantford at a bar. Suddenly the entire city felt repulsive. Looked around at the citizens and had an insane urge to kill every single person I saw. Tossed my beerbottle over my shoulder and walked out. Left of the city. Rounded the bend that leads down to the river and suddenly there were 2 other people with me. One was my sister, the other a cousin.
Decended the hill to NewPort Road. Strolled along the road alongside the river. Happened to notice a severed foot lying in the ditch. I showed the others and they immediately took off, afraid. They tried to continue up NewPort but a huge multi-pointed formation of earth exploded up from the road, blocked out way. It reminded me of a gigantic termite mound, several small openings perferated the formation.
My sis and cousin tried to climb the mound but pieces of it would chip away and they'd roll back to the road. I suggested we slip into the river and simply swim around the obstacle. They refused, afraid that a rotting carcass might be nearby or, even worse, bloated in the river.
So, I stood and waited and watched them fall, hoping they'd realize that there was no makeing it over the mound. They never came to their senses.


2- Don't recall much more than sitting in a cheezy little casino playing the quarter slots. Remember the air was thick with cig smoke, it was difficult for me to breathe.

March 4

1- Unfinished Bridge
Walking down Erie Ave with a couple of old friends. Think we were kids. Anyway, we got to the bridge that lies on the outskirts of the city. It looked as if it had been busted up and was in the process of being reconstructed. There were 3 very narrow beams that linked from one side to the other. We decided to walk the beams and see if we could get across.
My friends set out before me. They walked effortlessly across the beams. I, on the other hand, became terribly afraid of heights. Peered over the bridge to the river below. It wasn't a very long drop but the river was only ankle deep under the bridge. Eventually gathered some nerve and started across my beam. Suddenly a flock of pidgeons swarmed me. They were squaking and diving at me, I think intentionally trying to knock me off the beam. I'd almost made it to the other side but lost my footing, slipped between the beams. Woke up before I hit the water.


2- Burning White House
Remember an old white two story house was on fire. People were standing around not doing anything while a child could be clearly heard screaming from inside the burning building. Even fire fighters stood around watching instead of trying to douse the fire. I took it upon myself to try help the kid. Got into the house through the basement, made my way up to the first floor and found a little boy cowering in the hallway. Scooped him up and tried to get back outside but the floor collasped just in front of us. We were trapped in the house. No one came to save us.

March 5 06

1- Beethoven & Dvorak
Was lying in my bedroom, in the dark, listening to the radio. The classical music station was playing. The DJ was going over the list of music she'd just played, then announced the last two pieces she was to play. The first was a new recording of the Moonlight Sonata. The second was a Slavonic Dance by Dvorak.
The Moonlight sonata was absolutely beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes just listening to it. My bf came back into the room and laid on the bed. He kept yapping over the music. First I asked him to be quiet. He didn't. I then told him to stop talking I was trying to listen to the music. He kept yapping. I then out right told him to shut up. He still didn't. So I told him to shut the fuck up for a couple of minutes. He did, but the sonota was over a few seconds later.
He started talking again as the Slavonic Dance began to play. I recognised it as a piece of music I'd always liked but never could remember what it was called or who wrote it. I told my bf to be quiet again because I really liked that particular piece of music. He quieted for a couple of seconds, then began yapping again. I yelled, "Can't you leave me the FUCK ALONE for a few minutes. Must you always ruin the stuff I like?"
He got angry and stomped out of the room. Heard maybe the last 30 seconds of the Dance. While I was pissed off that I didn't hear the entire piece, I was glad to have heard a small bit of it and finally know what the music was called and who wrote it.

***Came online after recalling this dream and googled Dvorak Slavonic Dances. To my delighted surprise, Dvorak has many Slavonic Dances. Had to sift through several music clips to find the one I'd heard.



2- Munitions Factory/Red Head
Watched the first part of this dream as if it were a doumentary. It showed an old munitions factory. The film showed several differnent parts of the place. The innards of the factory were all rusted and falling apart. The place looked as if it should be condemned.
They came across a large cylindrical hole in the floor. At the bottom of the hole were two massive cogs that intertwined into each other somehow. Voices called up from under the cogs. The film crew called down to the voices, asked them to climb out. The people below said they couldn't. They were trapped. IF they tried to get out the cogs would start rotating and crush them.
The film crew tried to think of a way to rescue the 'voices'.
I moved from this scene to a big heavy rusted metal 'barrel'. A pole, that stretched to the ceiling, was in the middle of the barrel. Suddenly this little girl was climbing, spiderman-like, down the pole. She slipped and fell head first into the barrel. It immediatly filled with yellow toxic looking liquid. Thought I should try to help the girl but I couldn't move from my spot. All I did was watch as she struggled to try right herself. The barrel would drain then refill, giving the girl a few seconds to catch her breath again. Finally, the barrel didn't drain. Just when I'd thought the girl drowned, she somehow had righted herself and climbed out of the barrel as if nothing had happened.
I followed her outside and to another building. Got the feeling it was an old abandoned mental institution. The girl sneaked inside, I was about to follow her but she scurried back outside and hid benind a massive set of concrete stairs in the midst of the yard. THe stairs lead nowhere. Just up and then ended.
Suddenly, this crazy looking red headed bitch burst out of the building. She started chasing the little girl around the stairs. Felt I should intervine. As the red head rounded the stairs, I told her to leave the kid alone. She laughed crazily and asked me, "Who the hell do you think you are, telling me what to do?"
She lifted her hands and pointed them towards me, reminisent of the Emperor in Return of the Jedi when he's about to 'electrocute' Luke Skywalker. I think that comparison of her to the Emperor was what clued me in that I was dreaming. I lifted my own hands and looked at them, imagined that I posessed a power that could repell hers. A light purple aura surrounded my hands, my entire body.
The woman tried to 'cast her spell' on me or whatever, and it wouldn't work. It deflected off of the purple aura. She was enraged, charged at me. We wrestled around a bit, she was spitting and swearing and scratching and even trying to bite me. I eventually bested her and stood, used my 'power' to keep her pinned to the ground. I raised my hand above her chest and told her I was going to extract the evil from her heart. She began acting as if she were possessed.
I started reciting some made up prayer or mantra or whatever, and suddenly a huge bulge appeared just under her ribcage, like something was about to burst out of her body. She screeched like she was dying, begged me to stop. I told her no. Continued to draw the 'evil' out of her. She tried to break free of the invisible grip I had on her. I smiled and informed her she was in my world. She'd never break free.
The redhead wept, sobbed, pleaded for me to stop. I didn't.
Woke up before the 'extraction' was completed.

March 6, 7, 8, 9th. lost the booklet I recorded my dreams in for these dates. Save this space for if I find or remember any of the dreams.

March 10 06

1- Accounts
Was at a bank listening to a couple of people telling me what to do with my money. They were explaining the different kinds of savings accts and options, etc. I can't remember how much money I had but I knew it was a pretty substantial amount because the bank employees were kissing my ass like there was no tomorrow.


2- My Suicide
It was dark, I was by a body of water. Couldn't see it but could hear water gently lapping up onto a shore. It was a soothing sound. Looked up. A cresent moon hung above. Looked like a lopsided smart-ass grin in the sky. It also looked fake somehow. Stars were out. They were a brilliant and random stars would blink on and off. I was reminded of morse code, wished I could remember how to read morse code. I flopped on my back and laid there watching the stars wink at me.
Eventually felt as if a massive weight were expanding in my head. It hurt. I sat up and a lifetime's worth of memories rampaged through my mind. Felt as if my head would explode. Every horrible thing that had ever happened to me stained in my mind and in my heart. The memories seemed to solidify and shrink into compact 'scar tissue?' around my heart. The weight grew and the pain became exponentially greater. Got to the point where I screamed out in agony, "Why can't I just die?"
Realized I had a gun in my right hand. Lifted and looked at it. It was a silver gun. Don't know what kind, didn't care. As long as it worked, it would be my salvation. Kissed the weapon's barrel. It was icy cold. So cold that it stung my lips.
All the while my past kept scarring and crushing my heart. The pain was unbelievable, and I knew it was just beginning. I put the business end of the gun into my mouth. Clenched my teeth down on it, looked up at the stars one last time then pulled the trigger.
Felt the back of my head blast away, but it didn't hurt. Felt my body plop backward, but at the same time I still felt as if I were sitting up. Looked behind me and saw my own corpse lying there. Jumped up and stood over my own body. The flesh of it began to pulsate and wrythe. Maggots and worms burst out of my corpse's mouth, nostrils, eyes, ears. In some spots the skin ripped open and maggots spilled out onto the ground. The smell was horrible. Never smelled anything like it. The scene both sickened and intrigued me. As disturbing as it was to watch my own body be ravaged by maggots, I could not turn away.

March 11 06

1- KR & BK
I woke up in a strange bedroom. Looked around, half the room was really messy, clothes, books, papers, other assorted junk laying about. Got up, cleaned. PIcked up all the clothes, underneath were a bunch of duotangs and binders. I recognised them as my school notes from years and years ago. Wondered how the hell they ended up in that room. Was happy to have found them again. Stacked them up, put them beside the wall. I intended to keep and read them after the room was clean.
Heard people outside the room. Went to investigate. They were all people I'd met online. One passed me and I immediately knew who he was. But I couldn't go after him. I had no pants on. I rummaged around the room, tried to find some but none of the pants fit me. Decided to go out in my underwear. Found BK in the kitchen eating. I rushed over to him and hugged him hard, tried to talk to him but I had no voice. KR strolled into the room. He looked at me and shook his head. He asked us sit with him. We did. They began discussing things, in what sounded like a coded language? The sound of their voices kept dwindling to almost nothing then would amplify again, like someone had a volume control and was screwing with their voices. So I'd only catch odd bits and pieces of info. Knew if I'd heard the entire convo, I'd have been able to decipher their conversation easily.
Though I couldn't speak, I tried to get BK to come with me. Was both angry and elated to 'see' him again. He'd try to leave with me but KR would speak again, and BK would sit back down. I became frustrated. BK should come with me. From behind, I wrapped my arms around his neck and rubbed BK's chest. A savage posessiveness overcame me. I grabbed hold of him and dragged him with me, my voice was suddenly back and with a vengance. "He's MINE...MINE...MINE. I'm taking him. He's coming with me." I yelled.
KR jumped across the table, grabbed BK by the hair, yanked him back, jabbed a knife into BK's neck then threw him on the floor. "Now he belongs to no one." KR muttered then strolled calmly away as I tried like crazy to stop BK's bleeding. He died. Felt as if the life started draining out of me. I cried. Woke up shortly after, really depressed.


2- Grey Eyed Jim
Carefully inched through a field of thistles. Kept getting scratched and jabbed by them. Looked up at the sky. It was clearly divided into day and night. Amazing. Bright blue and cloudless on one half. Midnight black and strewn with stars on the other half. Kept walking but completely forgot about the thistles and thorns as I stared up at the surreal sky.
From behind me, a smooth and sensual male voice said, "Beautiful, ain't it?"
I turned and saw a guy who looked remarkably like Jim Morrison. The only difference was his hair was longer, and his eyes were gray. The guy moved towards me. I backed away. Had a feeling he was dangerous. He moved closer. I turned and tried to run but kept getting snagged on the very same thorns and thistles that 'He' was able to move effortlessly and unscathed through. My bare arms and legs were 'tiger striped' with thorn slashes. The wounds didn't bleed, though my skin was deeply ripped and splayed open in some spots.
He eventually caught me, embraced me from behind. An overpowering feeling of both love and hate ripped through my soul. Felt his lips near my left ear, he whispered, "Why do you ever run from me?"
I told him I didn't know.
He turned me to face him and he began to kiss my wounds. They healed but not perfectly. Odd pale purple scars remained. The guy kissed every one of the thorn slashes, then stood, looked into my eyes, began speaking words so astoundingly beautiful that I closed my eyes and luxuriated in his poetic voice. Seduced by merely words, I surrendered to him. As we kissed, the thorns and thistles grew into an impentrable wall around us. I remember thinking I'd never be able to escape the place, but mostly didn't care.

***Listened to The Doors before I went to bed.


3- Grams Meteorite Again
Walked down an old dirt road. Came to where I was certain my grandmother's house was supposed to be. It wasnt there. Only a field of dead yellowish grass swayed where her property once was. Farther back by the swamp, my aunt's house was still there.
Wandered onto the vacant lot and was saddened that the apple and plum trees were gone. What really got me was the lilac shrubs were gone too. It was like my grandmother, her house and all the things she loved had never ever existed.
I suddenly remembered the 'falling star' story she'd told me on numerous occasions. A meteorite had fallen to earth back by the swamp behind her property. Decided to go poke around and see if i could find it.
Got back past my aunt's house and hopped over the small stream. walked a ways and came across my mother and my siblings sitting in the middle of a shallow water filled indentation in the ground. They were picking strawberries out of the water. I ignored them and continued on. Kicked and dug up rocks hoping one might be Gram's meteroite. Remembered my bf's brother had a metal detector. Vowed to go get it later and come back.
Found many interesting rocks, but none that I thought could classify as a meteorite. Refused to give up, kept looking, hoping to see a strange indentation in the ground that might signify an impact sight. Suddenly remembered my mother and siblings were berry picking in a strange indentation in the field. I went back and tried to get them to surrender their spot but they wouldn't.

4- Najah?
Was walking through an ancient looking forest. Actually kind of looked like 'Treebeard's' forest. Roamed through. Heard a sound like running water. Followed it. Came to a river, a tall thin waterfall. At the base of the waterfall was a pool of sparkling deep blue water. Admired the scenery for a while. A woman's head suddenly popped up out of the water. She swam around the pool a few times then started to swim down the river.
Suddenly a large off white creature decended from the sky. It whizzed past the swimming woman then disappeared over the tree tops. It came back, slower the second time, and landed gracefully in the sparkling water just beside the swimming woman. The creature mostly looked like a giant off white snake. When the light hit it's scales at the right angle, they appeared faintly polychromatic. This creature also had wings. Dove like wings that it held up and out of the water as it skimmed along the river's surface.
The woman and the sky/water serpent swam off down the river. I began calling after them, called the name 'Najah' repeatedly. Don't know if I was referring to the woman or the giant snake. Neither of the creatures seemed to hear me. Left me on shore chasing behind them.

March 12th - NRC

March 13

1- Caught Cheating
Just remember a small bit of this, but I was walking home through a city that looked a little like Niagara Falls. Got to my aptartment and peeked in the window, saw my boyfriend (who in this dream looked very much like Jonny Depp) with his arms wrapped around a naked black lady who looked like a freeking model. Strangely, I wasn't enraged, didn't feel the usual instantanious urge to murder someone. Kind of I just turned and left. Don't remember where I went.

2- BabySitting (200th recorded dream)
Was at my cousin's trailor. I was trying to listen to music but all 5 of her kids were too loud. One even came over and started crawling on me. I shoved him onto the floor and told him to stay the hell away from me. He cried and went to his mother.She came stomping over, thought she was going to yell but instead she asked me to babysit. I told her fuck no, her kids were too bad. She said I'd have permissoin to kick their asses if they acted up. I said, 'What part of fuck no didn't you understand?'
A little while later I realized that I was alone with the kids. She'd just left me there with them. I was about to up and leave them too when their grandmother came into the house. I thought, good, she's here now I can leave. However, the grandmother immediately started literally beating the kids. Looked as if she were going to kill them. So I stayed and tried to protect the kids from her.

3- Annoying Chihuahua
Was lying in my bed trying trying to relax, trying to think of a few lines to finish off a poem I'd started. Kept getting distracted by a yipping damned chihuahua. I pulled my pillow over my head, trying to muffle the sound of the dog. It wouldn't work. Somehow the mutt ended up in my bedroom. It jumped up onto the bed, still barking and it started trying to lick and bite me. I lost it. Grabbed the dog by the scruff of the neck, opened the window and dropped it outside. Finally, silence. But a little while later, it was back in the room barking at me again, angrily this time. I chased it around but couldn't catch it.