Thread: InsomniacJezz's Dream Log

Suppose I should start one of these sooner rather than later! I've been logging my dreams regularly for about five years now, with varying frequency. This back-log of dreams is one of my most prized possessions; I'm both very proud and very secretive about its existence. If it would interest the readers on this forum, I'd like to go back and pick out a few of my favorites, and add them to this topic as I decide which ones make the grade.

Firstly, though, here are several that I had quite recently. This is copied/pasted from an email I sent to a friend, who enjoys reading my dreams when I can get around to sharing them. Though I've been dreaming lucidly for most of my life (almost always via the DILD method), sometimes I lose sight of it, with horrifying results. These dreams are one of those times. Enjoy! Special commentary for this post will be in blue, the rest is all directly from the email.


Dream from the Night of November 12th, 2008:

The first of my dreams was much more rooted in reality than the second and third, which were completely unrealistic but still entirely horrifying.


The first thing I remember about it was arriving home from rehearsal at 1:00 AM on a Wednesday night (which is an exaggeration of my reality in the waking world which put me at home around 10:30). As has been the case on several occasions in the waking world as well, I found that my sister's boyfriend's car was parked outside of our garage. I was particularly miffed at it on this night, since it was extremely late and I knew that she still had school the next morning and I knew he wasn't allowed to still be over at this point. As it turns out, he wasn't actually still over, but the two of them had left his car here and gone out somewhere else. Somehow, I knew that they had gone car shopping for my sister (who doesn't even have her license) so I hopped into my car, which was much MUCH sportier than the Cobalt I drive daily, and sped off in the direction of the car lot that I, again, somehow instinctively KNEW they were visiting.

I can still picture the road that I took... At this point in the email, I had a spontaneous recollection of a previous dream that was unrelated to these dreams, so I omitted it for this post.

The highway on which I traveled to the car lot is still very clear in my mind. During the dream I somehow got a perfect aerial view of it, even though I was firmly planted to the ground during the entirety of this experience (Most all of my dreams happen from a first-person perspective, and having one small section of a dream being otherwise is extremely rare). After crossing some sort of bridge into that section of town, there were a few miles of single-lane-each-way country esque road that I really didn't like much at all. However, after that the highway widened for about 20 miles, giving me the perfect opportunity to speed and thoroughly enjoy the warm night air. I didn't drive that fast on my way to the car lot, but when I got there and saw my sister in the driver's seat of an old green Pontiac Grand Am, with her boyfriend in the passenger seat and some asian kid in the back, I was infuriated. In hindsight, I have no idea what they could have been doing, since the car wasn't even started, and they were just sitting there with the windows up, not looking guilty of anything at all. The dream me, however, knew something was very wrong with the situation, so I decided to speed home and (maturely enough) tell mom about the situation. On the more open section of highway, I got my little car up to about 250 miles per hour...not bad?

Arriving home, I found Mom already awake, so I didn't have to wake her to tell her about where my sister was on a SCHOOL NIGHT (why I was so obsessed over this fact, I have no idea). I went into my room after this, and saw the green car pull into our driveway (though it somehow turned into HIS car in the waking world as it was parking, I guess, which is a red version of the same car). I was dealing with my usual dream blindness (this is sort of like a thick, black fog that descends over everything, greatly limiting the distance I am able to see, usually to about 30 feet), and could only see small bits of things not in my immediate field of vision, but I knew that they had come into the house for a second, then drove off in a dark red 1997 Ford Thunderbird (it had the telltale emblem on the rear lights). I ran downstairs to make sure they hadn't taken my dad's much older Thunderbird, which they hadn't, but noted that they had left both the garage door and our front door wide open. Upset even more now, I went to tell Mom of this latest development.

She didn't believe me, so she called my sister's boyfriend to ask where he was. He told her that yes, he had been at the house a short time ago, but now he was on his way back to his sister's dorm room at Juniata college for the night. After my mom forwarded this information to me, I remember swearing at her and calling her an idiot because she didn't know her own daughter was indeed WITH him and was going to spend the night out with him. Finally, she called my sister, and they somehow agreed that she would spend the night out with him and just go to school from there in the morning.

All of this was simple enough, and I can think of no explanation as to the logic of the events that followed. My mom picked up a video camera (which was plugged in to a television in my room, showing me what the camera lens saw) and went to close the garage and front doors that had been hanging open for upwards of an hour now. As she moved past the front door, one of the most horrific things I've ever seen in a dream took place...I'm tearing up now just remember it. A few feet away from the door crouched on the step was a man wearing white facial makeup, with sharp, yellow pointed teeth and red eyes. I knew that he had driven past the house a while ago, went home to put this makeup on, and had just now returned to murder or torture us. He ran forward toward the open door, and my mom slammed the door at the last possible second to keep him from entering the house that way, and she (and I in my room) were screaming so terribly. The look in his eyes, on his face...to see him so close to coming in to the house...it was so powerful it played through in the dream once at normal speed and once slowed down a bit, showing me every horrifying detail [color = "blue"](a sort of horrifying instant-replay that had never happened before)[/color]. If you've seen House on Haunted Hill, he looked exactly like Dr. Vanacutt from the nightmare scene when Price was losing his mind in the saturation chamber. I awoke immediately after it had finished playing a second time, scared out of my mind. The clock read 7:30, and since I hadn't gotten to sleep until around two last night, decided to go back to sleep for another hour. After all, the worst was passed, right? (to see what I meant about the man's face: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBQ53...eature=related about 2:16 in)

Well, not really. the first moment from this next dream that I remember was wandering around the middle of my town, right by my church. I felt the same drug-like effect that had haunted me last Saturday...

Last Saturday, after my second 36 hour stretch of being awake for the week, I had slept from around 11:00 PM until almost 11:00 AM the next day, and then decided to celebrate not having anything I directly needed to accomplish that day by not getting out of bed at all. This resulted in a few afternoon naps...pretty much one every other hour, lasting about an hour, until 4:30 PM. In the last two of these, I found myself completely unable to control my body in any way. My whole body felt like it was under Jovian gravity, I couldn't focus my eyes, my thought process was disjointed and simplistic, and any auditory perception sounded as if I were underwater and I had very limited speech abilities. If I had to guess, I'd imagine that it was more or less what being on extremely strong opiates would be like. Everything seemed far away and scary, and I had no fine motor skills whatsoever, and my brain itself just FELT like it was on powerful depressant drugs...that stereotypical tranquilizing effect they produce.

The first of these dreams was fairly harmless: I was just in my room as it was in the waking world at the time the dream took place, and I had to push together the two beds in my room while avoiding hitting the walls or desks (I think my mind turned my futon into a second bed for the dream's sake). This was much harder than it sounds, as I couldn't focus on anything, and was on my hands and knees most of the time trying to push with my shoulders, as standing up was completely impossible. The inability to focus my eyes wasn't making me dizzy, either, it was just entirely disorienting and quite frightening. I was completely free from the influence of any substance in the real world that might have physiologically caused me to experience this sort of dream, too, which scares me even a bit more....that my body can just DO this randomly. It might also be worth noting that I had an internet talk radio station playing as I was sleeping, and I could hear the actual sounds coming from the laptop in my dream. I knew that I was dreaming, and could feel that consciousness was only a short distance away, but because of the effects on my mind and body, I couldn't rouse myself from sleep and had to manage the situation as best I could. Fortunately, I eventually was able to grab hold of reality, and finally waking from the out of control nightmare, sat upright in bed. I felt violated, and my brain was still frazzled. After messing around online for a short while, I again fell back into the dream world.

In the second of these dreams, I was in my old house's basement with my Mom and sister, sitting on our old tweed couch. Again, everything was heavy, far away, and I couldn't see or feel anything as it really was. My mom was trying to talk to me about something, but I was very, very thirsty and could barely hear her anyway, so I sluggishly stood and stumbled into the laundry room, heading toward our old refrigerator to grab some sort of fruity beverage. Given my impaired state, however, I ended up choosing a bottle of laundry detergent. One foul swig later, I expressed my disgust for what I had just done, but simply put the cap back on the bottle and carried it back to the sofa. It didn't seem like anybody could tell that I wasn't my whole self, even though I was outwardly exhibiting clear indications that something was very wrong with me. I didn't feel any sort of betrayal because of their inability to notice or anything, but a part of my mind was very scared that I might never be of sound mind or body again. Suddenly, my mom was exclaiming that we needed to leave the house IMMEDIATELY and go to her friend's, where there was some sort of crisis that only we could disarm. I knew I had to drive, but also knew there was no way my depth perception or body would let me do so safely. This was just one of those absolute facts that sometimes happen in dreams, so I got in the car and started down the road, swerving erratically at variable speeds, trying as best to guess my distance from lights and cars as I could.

I was awoken by my mom, telling me I we had to leave for church in half an hour. The effects of this dream on my waking mind were unreal. I felt completely drunk for about fifteen minutes after I finally came to, and my mind felt fuzzy and clouded for almost two hours after that, and my vision just didn't feel right. No dream has ever had that strong of an effect on my physical self...my mind, maybe, but NOT my body itself. I was a completely frightening experience. I've since experienced this once more, but before this, it had never happened. Does anyone have any information as to what might have caused this, or have any similar experiences to share? This wasn't sleep paralysis - I've never faced it before, but I know how it's described, and this was obviously something very different.


I was able to focus my eyes this time, but most of my body was completely out of my control and VERY heavy. I was stumbling along the sidewalk, and fell to the ground just before the crosswalk on the road. I crawled on my hands and knees for a few feet, but then told myself that I could, I WOULD stand and walk normally. I wasn't under the influence of anything after all, so there is NO reason I shouldn't be able to function normally. I was scared again, but also angry at myself for feeling these sensations. Using all of my will and determination, I stood. Staring straight ahead, with a clear path in mind, I walked a few heavy steps...but I was upright. I knew that if I broke focus even a little bit, I'd topple to the ground. Well, sure enough, I let my thoughts wander to something other than walking upright, and I was back to my hands and knees, pulling myself along the road. I can't remember if I was afraid of being hit by a car or not...I think frustration was my primary feeling at this point.

The next memory I have is of being in my grandparents' house, which in the waking world is one block over and down from the corner where I had fallen. The lethargic feeling had pretty much completely disappeared, and I was sitting in a downstairs bedroom talking to my mom, again, about something that now escapes me. I either remembered my previous episode out on the road, or something she said struck a nerve in me, but for one reason or the other I began pounding on the walls in frustration...I think it was the former, because she wasn't scared or upset by this action, leading me to believe she wasn't the cause for it. After a minute or two of this pounding, I found that my right arm had a deep puncture wound in it, and that blood was rushing dow my arm, staining my shirt. I felt shock coming on (which was VERY similar to the disabling feeling I'd had out on the street, actually). My mom got very worried suddenly, but it's like someone had given me GHB on top of the shock; I simply didn't care about it, everything was fine, I was going to be fine, etc. We stumbled into the bathroom, and since I'd been applying ample pressure on the wound since I discovered it, the bleeding had greatly diminished, and we were able to cover it with some cotton and gauze.

I went upstairs into the kitchen...and this is where there a large, crucial chunk of my memory from the dream is missing. Something HORRIBLE happened, something completely terrifying, morbid, and violent, but I cannot recall what it was! I wasn't in control of my body again. Everything was slow, far off, and this time, my actions were in NO WAY my decision, but something else was compelling me to do them. I looked over into the corner of the room, and there was a black woman, wearing voodoo ceremonial robes starting at me with ancient, yellowed eyes. I knew she was the cause of these feelings but I could do nothing about it.

Suddenly, I sat bolt upright - IN THE DOWNSTAIRS BEDROOM. I had awoken from a dream, within a dream. This has NEVER happened to me before. I was so thankful to be out of the horrible, horrible dream world and back into my REAL self...BUT I WASN'T. I didn't even realize that this wasn't my real house. I just went back upstairs, I assume to tell my mom about the wild dreams I'd just had as I often do. When I got upstairs, I went into the kitchen, where there was a squirrel standing in the middle of the room, not bothering anyone and not harming anything. I picked up a coat hanger, straightened it, and turned the end of it to form a makeshift hook, and began puncturing the squirrel's body with it. It was bloody, it was graphic. And I was doing it. Hit after hit after hit, up and down and up and down, like a machine. There was no logic...I just had to do it. I watched as the squirrel grew and turned into a small puppy...I called it a rottweiler at the time, but it didn't look like one. It wasn't a scary dog, it wasn't trying to fight back....it just laid over on its back and exposed its soft underside to me as I continued beating it with this wire hanger. Eventually, it bled out, and I knew it had died. I looked up, and saw the same woman standing not far from me. Her. She did this. SHE MADE ME DO THIS. I threw down the hanger and picked up a fireplace shovel that was nearby. I ran to her, moved to use the sharp end of the shovel to open her neck or put out her eyes or crack her skull...but I couldn't hurt her. I was making full contact with her head, face, and neck, but she was unaffected. SHE WASN'T HUMAN.


Fortunately, this is when my real alarm went off, and I awoke, confused at first, then amazed and terrified at the memory I now had in my head.




Well, that's all for this mammoth post. Please, share any and all thoughts/comments/questions you might have. I'd love to respond to them. Cheers!