.:Scott: Reflections.

[fy_iceworld]

12/8/07 dream: In a location I am very much familiar, I lay on the floor, waiting Suddenly I feel (it)'s presence. I can't see (it) but I feel the surroundings. I am given a small piece of flesh-like something, it fits perfectly IN my body. Specifically for me I am thrown through time. It began showing me secrets, machines, complex objects, and before discovering their application in our world, I woke up. NOTE: I have recorded many dreams in the past couple of weeks, but none have been as profound as this. I can close my eyes even now and still feel how powerful it was. I typed this dream exactly how I wrote it on paper--the symbols ( ? * () ) refer to unclarity or utterly incomprehensible moments. ANALYSIS: The first thing I remember is being on floor. I felt like I was paralyzed--like sleep paralysis inside a dream. I think this caused me to become lucid because I immediately became conscious in the dream-state. The presence was not a spiritual one (as I have read many peoples' dreams where these 'presences' are spiritual beings) however, this was not the case. I believe it was my Intuition personified. I am convinced that I was talking to my 'inner self'--the part of me which exists unbiased and unprejudiced in this world. The flesh-like-something it put into my body represents, possibly, a tool to realize that everything is connected. Let me explain myself...before being 'thrown' through time, I felt a connectedness (though quick and somewhat vague) that everything in this world relates through one basic level...and I believe that this 'flesh-like-material' was the tool for me to realize this because the next sequence of events assumed that I knew this 'secret.' I left this world and I was flying over many worlds (or what I think were 'worlds' since all I KNOW is what I have experieced in THIS world...so I make OUR world the basis of comparison). I don't remember what they look like, but I felt them, quickly zooming by like frames-per-second. It was all incomprehensible, and I believe the 'presence' (my Intuition) was showing me Possibility. I think that this dream represents my ability to see beyond what WE believe to be 'reality.' All we know is from what we experience, therefore, if we 'experience/encounter' something completely different from this life, would we believe it to be true? This 'dream' (or 'realization' in my point-of-view) has allowed me to 'realize' that our existence here is not the only one, that it would be ignorant for us to believe that we are somehow "chosen" above everything else. Ignorance is the key word because (according to my definition of it) it represents closed-minded people--those who adamantly declare our existence (humans, animals, plants, life in general etc) is the ONLY form of existence. I don't believe in spirituality, I don't believe in a Supreme Being that governs our lives--like "God" (With a capital G)--that would be cruel. If "God" were to exist, why would he give us a 'free-will'? It is this 'free-will' which allows us to realize (in most pure/unbiased sense of the word) that we actually know nothing. I don't know when I'll have another dream as profound as this or as inspirational, but hopefully my LD techniques improve... I am utterly amazed with the power of the mind... It truly is a magnificent Device (Tool/Conduit ? ... there are not enough words to describe it) that allows us to Discover. We should take advantage of what we have been given. But then, you may ask, given by who? That may or may not be the true question to ask yourself. It's up to you to decide through your own free-will.

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4/7/08 First experiment with Melatonin/Vitamin B6: Last night, I ingested 3mg Melatonin (1 tab) and 200 mg B6 (2 tabs) prior to sleep initiation. Onset of sleep, I felt tired. Throughout the night, I could not sleep (may be due to anxiety/excitement of the new experiment). In the later stages of sleep (5-6 hours), I had entered into multiple dreams that were out of control. The Lucid: White Labyrinth of Stairs Not knowing how I entered into this one, the first thing I can remember are large white stairways in a large white building. The staircases spiraled in and out of each other. I knew I was dreaming so I looked at my hands (this terrified me because they looked like fat morphing stumps and stubs of fingers). I was lucid for quite a while. I tried to throw some fireballs or magic out of my hands and was successful with small balls of light. I then tried to run down the stairwells (I felt like something was chasing me). Between each flight of stairs was a narrow crevice that led to other stairwells, I tried to fit through them, but I was too large. I tried to shrink myself, but maybe my doubting mind did not let me fit through the crevice. I then ran through the labyrinth of stairs and reached the top where someone stood. I kissed the angel. Non Lucids: 1) A setting that looks like the maze of streets in urban Tokyo. I was looking for a Sushi-ya. There was oddly no one on the streets. 2) In front of a library-setting at the University of Chicago. It was very late at night and a man was lurking in the shadows. I suspected he wanted to rob me because he peered at me under his dark hoodie. He motioned toward me and I became so frightened that I ran toward the emergency police beacons and hit the button. 3) Walking on some street in an urban area, I came to a house which looked like there was a frat party of some kind. Inside, everyone greeted me, but made subtle racist comments. They told this rugged young boy, who they called "Runt," to go get me some meat from the basement. I felt bad for Runt. While Runt was gone, everyone started throwing things at me, and I immediately felt unwelcome and out of place. I tried looking for Runt and went to the basement, where some man told me to get out. I quickly left and on the outside of the house was a sign that read "Racists Only." 4) Some guy made menacing and mocking gestures at me and I asked him to stop. He persisted and I did some weird maneuver that left his wrists broken. After feeling pity for him, who was withering on the floor in pain, I healed him with healing powers. Summary: Stacking Melatonin and B6 proves to enhance dream recall and lucid dream induction, with some effects such as uncomfortable sleep (though this may have been do the precedent feeling of excitement and anxiety).

[fy_iceworld]

10/8/08 Dream: I take a pill and I hallucinate about spinning in rhythmic loops with people-like creatures. Music, like the undulating theme of WTC C major fugue plays distinctly. I know that I have always taken this pill and seen glimpses of this hallucination and it always ends with a doom-feeling. Then, Sometime in the future? ...days or months have passed and I am at a picnic near a deep pond. The familiar C major theme plays and everyone on the grass immediately begins to swirl and dance around one another, like a square dance where everyone swing-trades one another with the arm. I get a definite sense of foreboding, like dejavu, as everyone is dancing and spinning to the tune of the music. Then I hear the screaming of some kids drowning in the pond.

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11/30/08 I am in my dorm room, but everything is out of place. My bed and my desk are in different locations. An ultraviolet light hangs over the bay window and everything in my room is neon blue. I look in the mirror and I feel very dry, and my face appeared as if a strong wind blew at it. I felt as if I was coming home from work, where I told my employer about the sum of my work. I showed her a polyacrylamide gel with the distinct blue bands and at that moment we were in my Mother's room in my old childhood home and Rong was waiting to get into the shower(?). I asked Eric a question about cleaning some materials, and there was a centrifuge near the bedroom door and something in the closet. I forgot to wash some glasswear. I also went to the lab, where I had taken pills(?) and I felt really funky and dried out.

[fy_iceworld]

2/7/09 I am late for music theory class. I copy all the notes down from the board (note: I recall physically copying the words down and they do not change when I look away from them). Music was not the only topic, Schultz talks about molecular clocks and speciation. He shows us a logarithmic spiral curve in a graph. I hurry to copy down the notes. I am in my grandmother's house. I am about to shower but Mother decides to use the shower upstairs, so I go to the spare room to wait in the meantime. I look at myself in the mirror and I have long hair and bony cheeks (very strange because I look nothing like this). The reflection is not shocking, my impression is that I look like my sister. Coincidentally, my sister walks in and says "your breath stinks." I tell her that I'm working on fixing it. Emotion: It feels eerie because I suspect there is something hiding behind the wall on the bathroom upstairs, like I can sense a presence. Dream from a couple days ago: Mother and I are at an open field behind some houses. The time of day is just before dusk as the sun is about to set and night creepily approaches. There lions in the field, a pack of them. Mother and I are fearful, but she is very logical and rational in this situation and implores that we lay low so the alpha-lion does not have interest in us. this works, we duck to the level of the grass and stealthily move towards the aerostar. We get in the van and I suppose the dream ends with our safety. Another one from a couple of days ago: Mother and I run on the platform so we are not late for a train. After we board, there are people inside who are physically building their compartments, complete with walls and furnishings. A family allows us to board in their compartment. During the trip, I walk around the train. The inside is very large and spacious. It is big enough to have a grocery store and park. It seems so big that a town inhabits it, like a whole outside space is shrunk to fit inside the train. Time passes, or maybe another dream: I on the train and get out. I run along the tracks to a parked train which has a trailer park-like home. Behind the screen door to one home are puppies. I'm not supposed to enter a strangers home but I do and feel guilty for playing with the puppies which accidentally run out of the home. I try to replace the pups with (a cat?) some other dogs before the owner comes back.

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A dream prelude to the nightmare: The dreamscape was quite out-of-the-ordinary I must say. I traveled on trains, up mountains, through sleet and snow, and to distant cities and along sewers. Eventually, I ended up near a forest-like wood. Some girls (and my sister?) wanted to borrow some movies. I lent them some videotapes, but I was reluctant to have lent them the horror. Suddenly, at the thought of lending the girls my horror movie, similar videotape-like images began to form into the dream, like a recreation of the horror starring me as the protagonist, except it did not feel like a movie, I felt absolutely terrified for my life. The nightmare begins: I am in the sewers or catacomb-like pathways beneath a forrest-wood. It is very eerie and I sense I am not alone in these sewers. There are souls lurking in the shadows behind boxes and crates and as I walk further into the sewers' depths I find hidden chambers which appear inhabited by someone, or something. When I look behind me, something moves in the background, quickly hiding from my line of sight. I find a ladder that leads into a small nook in the ceiling of some chamber and hide while the lurker passes beneath me. Somehow I exit the sewers and end up near a desolate sea-side dwelling. The forest-wood is scattered all around the dwelling and there is no sign of people anywhere. Solitude is my greatest weakness and I become vulnerable. The lurker appears, behind me in the wood, approaching quickly, he is equipped with a chainsaw and dark attire. His face and eyes filled with malice as he stealthily approaches. I have nowhere to hide, I begin to run aimlessly through the wood, the screeching of the chainsaw echoes through the trees. He is so close, I know this can't be real, I know this is a dream, but I cannot control my fate, the series of events seem permanent, like a video that must play over and over. With the entire fiber of my being, I try desperately to evade the merciless. I am able to briefly outrun the lurker, I end up near the seaside, where there are many large rocks which form a cliff. Some rocks form small crevices and chambers big enough for me to fit my body in. In the crevice I look around and see, to my horror, old chainsaw blades beneath my feet. As soon as I see the old blades, the lurker appears above the opening to the crevice, thrusting his chainsaw through the crevice opening attempting to fulfill his mad desire. Somehow this part of the dream fast-forwards and I am immediately outside the crevice beside the lurker. Somehow I am able to speak with him and convince him of love's virtuous nature. We become lovers, the lurker and I. We return the the seaside dwelling as one. Other dream: Dr. Lamppa is bombarded with a lot of work and I wonder why she seems to spend more time away from the laboratory and contact time with her students. I discover that she is funding the education of her brilliant biology students. She gives me a scholarship to attend medical school, but somehow I feel reluctant to accept this generous gift. I must get the book at the bottom shelf of the library, I just have to have it. What's inside? Music and important notes, but I cannot recall what they were about. I get the sense that other students are mocking me or have suspicious opinion toward my conduct.

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The product of dxm is a night of bizarre dreams: The setting is a cityscape. I am at Max's on a balcony at the foot of a row of urban buildings. They are tall and magnificant skyscrapers in every direction. It is ilke a utopia and the balcony is at the heart of the city. I walk through the city and end up at an amusement part (?). There is a small house with children and a woman. Inside the house looks very ordinary and unattractive. Suddenly, while in the home, upon seeing a child with a growth defect (a 'little' person) I get the idea that we (Jussell randomly appears) should do an experiment. The woman who owns the house decides that measuring feet is the featured attraction and everyone goes to the living room to measure the the length of the little boys foot to the force he exerts on the ground. Jussell does not pay attention. In the same cityscape, some time later, a catostrophe occurs. I am in a super hitech mall filled with marble flooring and big staircases. At the bottom of one staircase I see it, the city is falling apart. Explosives go off near two large black skyscrapers at a park. This causes the skyscrapers to topple and fall over like dominoes. People scream and run through the streets. Suddenly I *snap* out of a trance-like phase and I'm back at the bottom of the marble staircase, nothing happened to the city, the ominous black buildings did not topple. These buildings are very magnificent and unnaturally eerie in appearance. I get an odd feeling when I look at them. Another dream: I am out in the country or somewhat desolate area in a suburb. I meet friends and others at some house party. Many people are there, I remember using the bathroom. Outside, everyone is in good spirits. Everyone has their own bud and everyone smokes. The next day, in the morning, everyone is gone and I find bud all over the place, on the ground, in buckets. I leave the house and go somewhere, to a bathroom or bathhouse. There aren't many people in there, but it's a really fancy place, there are perfumes, powders, and soaps all thoughout the sauna and its fragrantly pungent. The beauty of the piles of soaps and powders capture my attention and I cannot resist trying one. I touch a pink and red glittery powder and an alarm goes off. I realize the alarm signals the police. I quickly leave. It was too good to be true. I don't remember what happens after, but the plot of dream was very elaborate. Another dream: I am at an amusement park, it looks like Disneyland in some parts. I ride Space Mountain and other things. I am suprised at how physical the dream is, I can feel the gravity of the roller coaster pull me during the steep turns. I also feel the velocity of the ride. After that, I go to a waterslide. I lay on my stomach on a foam mat and I go down the slide. The slide becomes very big and elaborate, like a mountain. It even has a traffic signal to tell the other riders when to go at certain parts of the slide. I get to this part, probably midway down, I am in the traffic light waiting to go down, but I decide not to wait. I literally slide over the other people ahead of me and rush down but the lifeguards are watchful and do not approve of my stunts. They grab hold of my foam mat and I must wait for the green light to go. I hear a 'ding' and I zoom down the mountain-slide. But, now, the mountain-slide becomes a real mountain and I slide down watery rocks and through crevices and beneath the cracks. Two people are with me, a young boy and girl (Matthew and Hannah). While sliding down the mountain, we reach a cliff. They are afraid to slide down but I tell them to fear not. I slide down and they follow. We reach a relatively flat area and now the mountain becomes large sloping hills filled with trees that have smooth barks and lofty branches. We are lost, the slide has taken us to the mountain's depths and there is nothing but Nature for miles around. I must take care of Matthew and Hannah and keep them safe. We come to an area that is inhabited by young monkeys. We make a loud noise and the monkeys scatter all at once. It will get dark soon, I decide that its not safe to sleep on the floor, so I help Matthew and Hannah climb a smooth tree and rest on a lofty branch where we will wait for the time being. Suddenly, the tree changes location and we are near a construction zone. There are men nearby, two men on a wooden platform near machinery. I sense great danger, more than dejavu, like inevitable doom. One man sees us and starts to come, but the machinery becomes unstable and the wooden platform does something making the man fall. I shield the eyes and ears of the children so they do not see. The man falls on his back and a chainsaw falls after. What occurs next is visually disturbing and vivid. His blood is ruby red and death, oh mercy be, quick and painless to he who could have guided. We, Matthew, Hannah and I, are okay, but I do not remember what happens next. I believe we made it back because I remember another dream with trains with us in it. I must get back to the city to see my family, or my family comes with me to the city and we take a train. The train won't leave without me but I make the train depart slightly off schedule. The conductor says something directly to me, but cannot recall what, something about my belongings and my socks. Another dream: The setting is a library. The elevators are the most notable. I enter a bathroom and there is a secret door that leads to a secret elevator. I go in and up but coming down is not as easy as it would seem. Each floor is filled with video game brilliance and I must fight my way through the action adventure to receive the key to descend floor by floor. Rong is waiting at the bottom to remind me about what I must do today at the lab.

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My father traps us in. We cannot get out of my sisters bedroom for fear that he catch us mercilessly. I lock the two-way bathroom door but he forces the door open. Somehow I manage to shut and lock the door. I quickly enter my sister's bedroom where my mother and I are hiding. I cannot lock the second door fully, so I put objects, a tree, some plants, in the way of the door. My father is angry but I don't know why. I am fearful and confused. My father calls Lacy and seduces her right in front of us, purposefully, "what are you doing tonight, when can I come over" he says. My father is free to do whatever he pleases but he traps my mother and I in the house like prisoners. While in the bedroom, there are spiders on the floor. Black widows in particular. They are behind the dresser and under the bed, clearly visible. I am afraid of them. I lift up the bed and turn it upside down to find a webs and a nest of spiders. The bedroom turns into a warehouse and I must escape along with some people, Matthew, Hannah, my mother, and some others. I must fly to the rafters and do some choreography in sequence so the evil does not enter. I make a tower to climb through the roof, we must use webs or string to harness us to get on the tower and escape.